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DEAD CLOWNS
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Reviewed by: JimmyO

Directed by: Steve Sessions

Starring:
Debbie Rochon
Lucien Eisenach
Brinke Stevens

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Fifty years after a terrible circus train accident, several clowns in a clown car disappeared during a hurricane. The town never found the wreckage and everyone forgot about the terrible tragedy… and yes, that is the plot. When another hurricane is brewing, the clowns return all ugly and ready to snap, crackle and pop on human morsels.
Is it good movie?
Zombie clowns! As if the regular things weren’t scary enough. This time, they are back with big shoes and big mouths to feed. Dead Clowns consists of people being stalked and people being eaten. There is very little dialogue (which may be a good thing) and lots of looking around at big shoes. That is, until the end, when these pissed off circus folk crunch, slurp and smack their lips on human flesh. Wait, I don’t think these clowns had lips at all, just teeth, kind of like the Fulci‘s Zombi 2 (or Zombie… however you wanna handle it).

I found it odd that the stalked just look around and seemed to be a little annoyed that these flesh eating buffoons want to munch on them. Did I say annoyed? Yes, because they certainly didn’t seem scared. Aside from a couple screaming chicks, it was mostly just this look of irritation with a slice of fear. In a way, it was better than constant screaming that people tend to do in these movies, but come on… people would be more afraid than this if a zombie clown broke into their house… I scream whenever I see a clown at a party, and they are usually not eating the partygoers.

I will say one thing for Steve Sessions, he had some creepy ideas here. The footage of the real life hurricane mixed in with the film was very eerie… have you read the newspapers lately about Jamaica? In fact, the idea of a bunch of psychos causing havoc during a storm like this might be pretty damn frightening. But clowns? I don’t know about that. They didn’t seem all that scary, just kind of sad. Sad clowns! Ha ha… now that could be funny. And I also wasn’t jiving too much with the blatant The Fog rip-off or homage (the John Carpenter version). It felt lazy and kind of cheap, just to lead to the final scare.

With all the negative, there were moments that worked. I liked the set-up as the storm was coming in and the townsfolk started to prepare. It was also nice seeing Debbie Rochon. Yet she has a great voice and I don’t think she had any lines… like, at all. But one of the best moments was a grounded performance by Brinke Stevens who ditches her crazy role for a more subdued moment to serve as storyteller. She pulled it off nicely and actually had one of the better stalk moments, so good for her. I did appreciated many of the performances including Lucien Eisenach as the anti-hero of the film and Jeff Dylan Graham as a druggie security guard. This is far from being a good movie, but if you are in the mood for a few moments of gore and a scream at the screen type flick, it might not kill you.
Video / Audio
Video: Hmmm? The 2.00:1 format felt odd and the quality looked cheap. But hey, it’s a low budget film, so no harm.

Audio: The 5.1 Dolby Digital audio was fine but again… it’s a cheap flick and it sounded that way. But I will say that the chomping and chewing were terribly dubbed and was the most disgusting thing in the movie. Seriously, are humans that crunchy?
The Extras
Nope, no extras here. Aside from Trailers for “Dark Ride”, “Drive Thru”, “Mr. Jingles”, “Grim Reaper”, “Dark Harvest 3: Scarecrow” and an ad for FEARNet.com. Plus a trailer for “Dead Clowns”. Dig in.
Last Call
I think Steve Sessions could make a pretty kick ass horror film, just dump the clowns. They weren’t scary or even remotely creepy. The storm and some of the stalk moments could have made for a very spooky tale. I also really have to say, for a movie that pushes how gory it is (just look at the DVD cover), I kind of disagree. There are gory moments, but the most gruesome thing was the foley artist chewing. Seriously, that was gross. Now, if you are terrified of clowns, I really think you should rent this because that would be funny to watch. But other than that, it’s another cheap straight to DVD release, yet there were moments of promise. Oh no… what’s that noise? It’s a dead clown! Great, now I have to hide. And I’m going to miss Stargate: Atlantis. Damn Clowns!
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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