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DOOR INTO SILENCE
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Lucio Fulci

Starring:
John Savage
Jennifer Loeb
Sandi Schultz

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A man takes a long, boring drive, presumably towards his own tedious mortality.
Is it good movie?
Melvin Devereux is a jerkass insurance agent (or some such sleazy profession) who watches his abusive fatherís funeral from a distance. Once it is over, he goes on a long drive. I think he says where to, once, but I wasnít paying attention. Most of the film is just Melvin in his car, going through police signs, getting stuck on bridges, breaking down in a small town, and trying to pass the same hearse several times. That footage is particularly annoying. It is obviously sped up for effect. The effect of annoying me. He starts chasing down the hearse everywhere it goes, trying to look into the casket it is carrying, convinced he is the one inside. It finally limps along it its completely anti-climactic conclusion, and if youíre still awake, youíre a better person than I.

Lucio Fulci never set out to be a horror director, but that genre happened to be where he found his niche. Over the years he made some fantastic gore and exploitation flicks, and Door into Silence, the second to last movie before his untimely death, is not one of them. One part Twilight Zone, one part Phantasm, one-hundred parts ass, it looks like a made-for-television film, has no plot and wanders aimlessly from reel to reel, and was edited by retarded monkeys. John Savage does a credible job as Devereux, especially considering the fact that he had nothing to work with, but he alone is not reason enough to watch this completely useless misfire. There is no blood at all, and you almost sort of see a tittie once.

I guess I should put in a third paragraph, to make it seem like I did a thorough job with the review. Youíve probably stopped reading it, anyway. I would have. Maybe Iíll just do what the movie did, and say the same things over and over again, just in slightly different ways. Or say things that seem like they might have something to do with the movie, but then donít. Like the psychic aunt, or the anorexic dancer, or the abrasive hooker. Oops, I just got stuck in a rut on a bridge. Let me spend five minutes showing you my wheels spinning. Oh, let me just pass this hearse real quick. You can spend the time alternately watching my side-view mirror and my speedometer. That ought to keep you interested. It didnít? Sorry about that.
Video / Audio
Video: Full screen.

Audio: Mono
The Extras
Luckily, there are none.
Last Call
This is not a good representation of Lucio Fulciís work, nor is it a good film in general. It is boring and aimless, and eventually just peters out into nothingness. There is no plot to speak of, no red stuff, no sexy stuff, no nothing. Even Mike and the Bots would have a difficult time making this crap entertaining. Avoid.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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