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HANSEL AND GRETEL GET BAKED (BLU-RAY)
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Duane Journey

Starring:
Lara Flynn Boyle
Molly C. Quinn
Cary Elwes

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
In a decidedly modern twist on the Hansel and Gretel cautionary fable, a cannibalistic witch lures young people to her abattoir with really dank weed.
Is it good movie?
Of the recent package of movies I received for review, I selected this one to watch first. I figured from the title it would be the worst of the lot, so I'd get it out of the way fast, like pulling off a band-aid. I was quite surprised to find that it is actually pretty decent.

First and foremost, this is not a stoner movie. Yes, Gretel and her boyfriend, Ashton, are potheads. But they're not dirty, layabout potheads. They're suburban teens with disposable incomes and free time, and so they get high a lot. Hansel is more straitlaced and does not partake. When Ashton comes over with some new strain of weed called Black Forest High, that causes extreme mellowness and pleasant hallucinations, Gretel sends him to seek out the old lady from whom supposedly springs the source.

In what I consider to be a logical update of the source material, the witch, Agnes, lures kids to her house with the promise of a great high, as opposed to sugary treats. They come to buy from her, and if she really likes them, she drugs and/or enchants them, then either eats them or kills them and makes them her minion zombies. She also, of course, sucks the occasional life force to renew her aging body to a younger incarnation of beauty. When Ashton doesn't return from his visit to the old lady's house, Hansel and Gretel take matters into their own hands.

There's really not much to this movie. There's a long (albeit clever) title credits sequence, and a ridiculously long end crawl, reducing the actual running time down below 80 minutes. There's also not really much Hansel and Gretel action. Gretel takes on the witch with the help of a brash Latina named Bianca, with only peripheral assistance from Hansel, and there is a subplot involving a rival drug gang who try to menace Agnes. There are a few laughs, some nice gore, and while the proceedings feel a little loose and uncoordinated, the film mainly keeps the action moving. All in all I would say this movie merits a watch, even if you don't smoke.
Video / Audio
Video: The packaging actually doesn't specify if the presentation is 1080i or 1080p, and I'm not savvy enough to tell. The image looks good, but the photography is sometimes soft, sometimes brassy, and does no favors for Lara Flynn Boyle. She looks beat, even after she's sucked life-force and is supposedly beautiful.

Audio: You have a 5.1 Surround and a 2.0 stereo track from which to choose, with optional English subtitles.
The Extras
Nada. Bare bones. Not even a trailer.
Last Call
I have to say, I was shocked by how much I liked this movie. I expected less than nothing, but it turned out to be pretty well done, with some laughs and some nice gore gags. It feels a bit rushed (such as the poorly rendered CGI smoke in the basement scenes), ostensibly to get out in time to ride the other, big budget Hansel and Gretel movie's coattails, but for all that it's still a pretty amusing, watchable film. It's not really a stoner movie, despite the title, and I would definitely suggest giving it a watch. Even if it will make you kinda sad for what has happened to Lara Flynn Boyle's career.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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