Reviewed by: JimmyO
What's it about
There’s this ski resort next to some kind of medical laboratory. And the ski lodge is breeding idiots, while the lab is breeding spiders. I was rooting for the spiders… too bad they looked so damn fake.
Is it good movie?
You know what sucks? When you really dig an idea, especially one with horror, and almost every attempt to create a film with that idea is a massive failure. It really is a painful experience for me because I love the idea of giant killer spiders. Seriously, when I grew up and saw TARANTULA or KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (okay, maybe not so giant in that one), I was terrified and I mean that in a good way. But when we get a monster spider flick today, it is usually a genetic mutation of what could have been cool. Bad CGI spiders, and bad acting with a script that is just ludicrous. Thus, Ice Spiders starring Stephen J. Cannell and that dude from Melrose Place and the other dude from Starship Troopers that wasn’t Johnny Rico, is really pretty bad. Every cliché is played out here while introducing the whole ski lodge aspect with a has been Olympic Skier (Patrick Muldoon).
The dialogue consists of “totally”, “dude”, “like… bro” with a nice “whatever” thrown in for good measure. It even takes a few moments to have a small slice of teens on skis comedy, without the T & A that the brilliant (compared to this) Hot Dog: The Movie had. In a ridiculous segment, this a-hole champion skier wannabe calls for a ski-off with the local legend. The teen in question was one of the most annoying characters ever put on film… and sorry… SPOILER ALERT… the jack off lives… END SPOILER ALERT. He pissed me off so much that the longer he lived the more I questioned humanity. In other words, he sucked. Don’t get me wrong, he might be an okay actor somewhere else, but it wasn’t here, which may not be his fault because this script made everyone look awful, aside from Vanessa Williams who was able to generate a little bit of interest for me. Yep, she was the strongest of the bunch.
So, was this a good movie? No. Not at all. The characters are dumb, the spiders are ridiculously CG looking and the script was awful. As I mentioned, I really like Vanessa Williams, and she was able to somehow make herself look pretty good. But she needs a better agent or something, she should be doing good movies. And I do feel that you could put Ice Spiders in the “so bad, it’s good category”, maybe a double feature with the aforementioned Hot Dog: The Movie. Just make sure there is lots of booze or other substance to make it go smoother.
Video / Audio
Video: The 1.85:1 looked good, until those pesky spiders show up. But truthfully, this was a good transfer.
Audio: The Dolby Digital 5.1 was also good.
We get Trailers. Why? Because what could anyone have to say about the making of this film? So you can check out previews for “Coming to Blu-Ray”, “Rise: Blood Hunter” “Hostel II”, “Kaw”, “Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud”, “Closure”, “The Company”, “Spider-Man 3”, the Resurrected Edition of “Resident Evil” and “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”, “Wind Chill” and “Fearnet.com”.
And on the DVD itself is a cool looking spider. Groovy!
A bland, clichéd and downright dumb Sci-Fi Channel flick with genetically enhanced spiders running rampant and ripping people up. It seems that the spiders really enjoy tearing off peoples legs. The ski bum dialogue and the asinine characters including the douchbag Olympic hopeful made me hope that they all ended up spider yummies. Although I give props to Vanessa Williams for somehow looking pretty good. And I also wouldn’t necessarily say that it was all that boring, so if you have a bunch of friends over and you want to see a bad movie… this is one to watch. Other than that reason, there is very little incentive to watch Ice Spiders.