Danielle goes surfing, takes a shower, puts on a revealing nightgown, only to take it off and sleep naked. Suddenly a naked dude is in her room and he rapes her. The next thing you know, this poor woman is lost in the woods detailing her frustration every step of the way. “Oh, this is bad!”… “Oh, I’m so lost.”… “Oh why did I have to watch this film?”… wait a second… that last one is me.
Wow… this was really bad. Into The Woods
begins when a woman named Danielle (Nancy Feliciano
) gets raped by a mostly unseen man. She then wakes to find herself alone in the aforementioned woods. She finds herself naked with her clothes thrown around this run down building which is located… yep, in the woods. She walks around and finds a letter explaining that she has been drugged but will soon remember everything. And everything comes at a price as we sit through an hour long film that seems like four. But it all has something to do with a dude named “Charlie” (Phil Herman
) and his mistress who tells his wife about the affair. Does this sound interesting? I‘m sure it could have been. But this is shot like a cheap porno and features a bunch of nudity from the cast. Even the writer/director and actor Phil Herman likes to disrobe and show off his ass. While this may sound exciting if you are looking for a cheap T & A thrill, you’d better take a cold shower, this ain’t no Jenna Jameson
porno. It looks purely amateur both as a horror movie and as a peek a boo bit of skin flick.
I really didn’t get the point as to why we should care. The acting is hardly tolerable, especially Tiffany Sinclair
as Danielle’s friend Cindy. Her entire role is a woman sitting on a couch talking on the phone to her BFF. And when the two speak, it feels nothing like a real conversation. But I could have dealt with the less than stellar performances, if the screenplay seemed to have a purpose. Phil Herman’s script uses a ton of flashback and seems to be making a film scene to scene with no real script. While it is only an hour long, Danielle’s constant chatter describing how she feels is pretty damn redundant. “Oh Gawd, what’s going on?”, “Why is this happening to me?”… I could’ve ask myself the same question watching this. And in case you were hoping for a little in the scare department, not a chance in hell. There is nothing scary about this aside from Herman’s constant state of undress.
Did I mention none of this makes sense with no real script? Even when it finally gets to the big “revelation” of what the hell is going on, it seems like it is coming from a completely different film. Each scene seems to come out of nowhere, seemingly trying to be mysterious but it generally makes no sense. I will say that it was attempting to fulfill it's final act, but it was much too sloppy and lazy to work. I have to wonder if the word continuity was brought up at all during the making of this film. Honestly, this is such a dismal attempt at moviemaking, I found it hard not to just pick at the nonsense.
While I did find Into The Woods sort of humorous, I also felt like I would have rather been lost in the woods rather than watch a lame, ultra low budget flick about doing so. This beyond uneven script made little sense, even though the big “surprise ending” would answer for some of that, it was constantly suffering from lack of continuity. I appreciate what they tried to do here, and I even give props to the director for trying something different in the world of horror while wearing many hats (and sometimes nothing at all). But this is strictly amateur hour with a bad script and bland performances that left this hour of entertainment feeling much longer than it should have.