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IODINE
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Mike Stasko

Starring:
Mike Stasko
Ray Wise
Vicki Rivard

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A disturbed man attempts to locate his missing father at his island retreat, and loses the plot along the way.
Is it good movie?
Iodine is a shatteringly dull film. There is literally not a single frame of this effing movie that entertained me one iota. There were a few times when a scene began and my hopes rose that now, finally, something would happen. The movie would begin to be about something. But each time it was just a cruel ruse to dash my excitement against the rocky shore of this pseudo-intellectual butt-number. The abstruse, third-grade-level philosophic dialogue is the kind of crap you hear someone say, and then look around to see if anyone else wants to punch the speaker in the face as well.

Okay, as much as I hate to make you complicit in my misery, here is what the film is ďaboutĒ: a criminally uninteresting man named John goes to the island his father lives on, at the behest of the squealing, shrewish, telephonic voice of his never-seen sister, to investigate why pops hasnít been seen lately. John does this, but then decides to stop taking his meds and just go swimming and hiking and stuff instead. The sister throws tantrums on the phone; some bizarre, whiny lady named Laura that John apparently knows from his therapy group hangs out with him for a little while; and Ray Wise shows up in a few scenes as Johnís fatherís work colleague. I got my hopes up for a second, but for as much gravitas as Wise lends to whatever project he is in, his dialogue was just as painfully useless as everyone elseís.

An attempt was made for the camera work and photography to act as a character in the film, but when the action in scene never gave a damn enough to try to tell the story, what good quick cuts and handheld cameras and fuzzed out or blurred out images were supposed to do I have no idea. It only serves to further annoy a certain already annoyed reviewer. By the time the whole milquetoast mess limps across the finish line I was scratching my head trying to understand the point behind all this huffle-puffle. Just to show me that everyone in Mike Staskoís imaginary world is a dick? Or that someone involved once took a philosophy course they didnít understand? I got both of those things in the first five minutes. Going on for another hour and a half was just sadistic.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen, shot on video with a documentary feel. The transfer is about the only thing I didnít have a problem with.

Audio: Your choice of Dolby 2.0 or 5.1. English tracks only.
The Extras
Photo Gallery: Standard photo gallery. Some candid stuff, some stills.

Trailer: A trailer as boring as the actual movie, though it is fun to watch it try to imply to the audience that the movie is about something.

A Conversation with Ray Wise: This is basically Wise doing a phone interview with Stasko, set over a black and white montage of Wise on the Iodine set, with some somber music playing in the background. If I didnít know better, I would say this was a memorial piece.

The Making of Iodine: An 11-minute doc. Some behind the scenes stuff, interspersed with cast and crew interviews.

Audio Commentary with Mike Stasko and producer Eric Schiller This is a serviceable commentary; thorough and fast-paced, with plenty of humor and anecdotes.
Last Call
I understand that this was a micro-budget film with a miniscule crew, and I applaud all of the effort that goes into making a movie. I just wish they had made one that I cared about. This movie is literally about nothing. We were supposed to get inside this fractured guyís head, and view these mundane events as the catastrophes he thought they were, but it never happened. The audience remains an outsider, and utterly alienated throughout. Ultimately I felt like I was trapped between two stoners at a party, listening to their inane pot-babble and praying for the Cloverfield monster to show up.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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