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ISLE OF THE DAMNED.
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Mark Colegrove

Starring:
Larry Gamber
Peter Crates
Patrician Rosa

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Depravity abounds on an island off the coast of Argentina as Jack Steele is hired to find the lost treasure of Marco Polo, and runs afoul of a buggering band of cannibal indigents.
Is it good movie?
The first thing that made my Spidey-senses tingle was the cover's claim of this "lost Italian classic" having been banned in 492 countries. I am no geographer, but I am reasonably sure that there aren't that many countries, and if there are, this film would need to have been banned in countries that don't even have electricity. The second unkosher indication is the director's name, Antonello Giallo, giallo being Italian for yellow, and the moniker given to that country's specific type of serial killer, police thriller. Lastly, there is the film's opening warning, that details a story eerily similar to what happened to Ruggero Deodato during the filming of Cannibal Holocaust.

As soon as the film got started, my suspicions were confirmed: Isle of the Damned is a parody of the cannibal genre of the 70's and 80's. Every character wears a wig, and every male character sports a wicked stupid fake mustache. All of the actors are not only dubbed specifically by voices that could not possibly belong to them, but the actors don't even make an effort to look like they are speaking any language: they simply move their mouths emphatically.

The story is negligible, just an excuse to have frames full of incest, non-consensual sodomy, and red corn syrup and rubber intestine-fueled death scenes.There are very few moments in the film that won't make you want to scrub yourself vigorously with a toilet brush...even a used one would make you feel cleaner than the film does. Hell, a woman is raped with her dead father's severed penis.

Still reading? Okay, good, then you are who this movie is made for. Watching this movie is like listening to Gwar: you can't take it seriously, you just have to sit back and dare it to offend you. It's quite hilarious, if you are man or woman enough to sit through the whole thing. If you click on the picture you can go to their website, and check out the upcoming screenings. If you go, email me and tell me how far you made it before vomiting a little in your mouth.
Video / Audio
I saw a screener, so I really have no idea. It is widescreen, with sometimes unfortunately decent audio, though the image is purposely distressed to make it look like an old print.
The Extras
Luigi Giallo Interview: A camera crew goes to Antonella Giallo's only known relative's house for an incredibly creepy interview. Expect more wig and mustache action.

The Shameless Art of Self-Promotion: A 6-minute handheld videotaped documentation of Dire Wit Films' presence at an undisclosed horror convention. The only candid moment on the DVD.

A Message from Prof. Livingstone: A quick message from a fictitious anthropologist assuring the validity of the cannibalism on view.

Trailers: Trailers for Isle, its predecessor Pleasures of the Damned, and some weird shite called Post Modem, which looks like a parody of Argento.

There is also a commentary by "The Insultor", who is the person dubbing the Jack Steele character, who is accompanied by his cousin Clarence...for 46-minutes of sometimes funny banter. Then they give up and leave the room, and the rest of the film plays without them.

Lastly, the extras menu claims that I can snag MP3's of the ingeniously incongruous jazz score, but f*cked if I could find them.
Last Call
Isle of the Damned is well worth your time if you are a fan of Italian sleaze cinema of yesterday, and are interested in seeing it get the loving send-up that it so richly deserves. It is also a film to strain the patience of your friends with. A win-win situation, as far as I am concerned.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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