IT'S MY PARTY...AND I'LL DIE IF I...
Oh boy. Here come the pain.
But first, a preface:
I do not, repeat, do not
, go out of my way to shit on people’s dreams. At worst, even the shittiest of films are made with the best of intentions. Unfortunately though; good intentions do not a good film make.
Now the pain:
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: So this chick breaks up with this dude, and this dude begs and pleads for her not to leave him, but this chick is serious and holds her ground. The dude begrudgingly concedes, and gives the chick her space. The chick moves in with some other chick and the other chick has a party (the “It’s My Party” part of the films title) and invites a few of her other friends over. The chick who dumped the dude hooks up with this other guy, while her friend and another girl pine over some other guy (some
other guy, not this
other guy)…still with me? Then there’s this other chick (this
other chick, not some
other chick) who wants some other guy and she contemplates suicide while all these other people are cuddling and chatting and getting to know each other. At the same time, this dude, still brooding over getting his walking papers from this chick, sneaks around the outside of the house (some other chicks house), watching and waiting for his time to strike (see time of first strike below), and it’s somewhere around this time that the reviewer (me) checks his watch and comes up with this wicked-smart-ass little slice of sarcasm: It’s My Party…And I’ll Die If I Want To
? Howsbout: It’s My Party…And I’ll Die When I Want To
? As in: 1 Hr 29 min and 38 seconds into a 1 Hr 50 minute film.
What precedes that 99 minute mark is something akin to a low-rent episode of The O.C.
Whining, posturing, emoting, brooding…it’s all here folks – and in spades! It’s funny ya know, the title (It’s My Party And I’ll Die If I Want To
), evokes memories of old, when slasher flicks were built around one key element, designed to either ape on a holiday (My Bloody Valentine, Christmas Evil
) or give deadlier meaning to an age-old saying (Happy Birthday To Me
), so when IMPAIDIIWT
arrived in my mailbox, a sinister little smile curled at the side of my mouth; “what a great throwback title”
I thought “ Hope there’s lots of tits and gore!”
I told a cop to f**k off once; that was a mistake. Thinking IMPAIDIIWT
was going to be a throwback slasher yarn? Man that is an absolutely gross
error in judgment! Instead what I got was an after school special about the perils of young love – no thanks.