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LIZARD BOY
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Reviewed by: Ammon Gilbert

Directed by: Paul Della Pelle

Starring:
Pete Punito
Steven F. Zeigler
Mark Strano

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A scientist decides to splice his DNA with that of a genetically altered lizard. Said lizard hatches an egg that contains a half-man half-lizard freak and it's up to the scientist to keep his love child a secret from all those around him, including the evil corporation funding the experiment.
Is it good movie?
I’m a big fan of SyFy Original movies—you know the ones, featuring hybrid monsters taking new form from amphibians to reptiles and just about everything in between. For as “bad” as MEGA SHARK and DINOCROC are, they can also be hilariously entertaining and generally fun movies to sit through. So when I sat down to LIZARD BOY, I was expecting more of the same type of schlock, a monster movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously that’s just as fun to watch as it probably was to make. Unfortunately, my expectations were in vain as there’s nothing fun, entertaining, or schlocky about LIZARD BOY—it’s just a boring pile of crap that offers nothing in terms of entertainment or fun, just cheap garbage with nothing to offer.

Where to begin talking about this movie? How about the special effects. When it’s not super crappy CGI (which looks like a video game you might have played on SEGA CD back in the day), it’s the dude in a mask as the main “lizard boy” effect. I’ve seen better Halloween costumes than what they tried to execute with this flick. He also appears to have a CGI lizard tale that whips around and kind of just flops back there, but since his arms are man arms and he’s usually just wearing regular clothes (and a cheap lizard-like mask), there’s nothing to it whatsoever. The shittiness of the lizard boy costume is so overwhelming that you can’t take anything about this movie seriously. Now I have no problem not taking monster movies like this seriously, in fact I think that’s the way it ought to be (life’s too short to take hybrid monsters seriously), but the make-up effects are so awful and cheap that it completely takes you out of the movie and is no way entertaining or fun.

And honestly, that’s the biggest flaw that LIZARD BOY has: it’s not entertaining –it’s boring. Who the hell wants to watch a movie about a lizard thing that’s boring to sit through and offers absolutely zero entertainment? What the hell is the point of doing that? The story is OK (I’ve seen worse), the acting is pretty awful (but again, I’ve seen worse), and the production value is about a zero. Not that there’s anything wrong with movies on a shoestring / non-existent budget, but when a scientist lives in a trailer on an empty lot with a goat and the scientific research facility has black sheets as walls and their lunch room consist of lawn furniture, you gotta wonder what the flock they were thinking. Even SyFy Originals at least spend time on location—they didn’t even try to bust out something believable in this one.

Literally the only redeemable value that LIZARD BOY has going for it is the energy level brought by the cast—they seem to know they’re in complete garbage and appear to be having fun with it. They give their all and even though most of them can’t act (save for the main scientist’s best friend), they at least do a good job at pretending like they’re happy to be there. Too bad the filmmakers weren’t on the same page as everyone else, otherwise maybe the film wouldn’t have been such a complete and utter borefest, offering nothing in the remotest when it comes to anything at all except maybe making the LIZARD BOY DVD a suitable beer coaster. In other words, this movie pretty much blew and I suggest you avoid it at all costs.

Video / Audio
Audio: The film is mixed in 5.1 Dolby Digital surround, but you wouldn't be able to tell as it sounds nothing more than 2.0 Mono.

Video: 1.85:1 widescreen fills the widescreen TV to the max, and it looks ok... or about as ok as a student film on a shoestring budget can look.

The Extras
Still Gallery: You can check out screengrabs from the film to the tune of the film's musical score. Awful... just awful.

Trailer: The trailer for LIZARD BOY and other upcoming new releases from Cinema Epoch.

Last Call
LIZARD BOY is about as boring and uneventful as they come. Cheap "dude in a mask" special effects, lame story, and relatively uneventful, there's not a whole helluva lot to like about LIZARD BOY, although I will say that it wasn't as dreadfully painful to sit through as some other flicks thanks to the energy / enthusiasm by most of the cast. But yeah... LIZARD BOY is horrendous.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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