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MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID (BLU-RAY)
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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Mary Lambert

Starring:
Tiffany
Debbie Gibson
A Martinez

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A gaggle of unexplainedly huge pythons square off against juicin’ gators while a bunch of humans stand around looking stupid. But not as stupid as the CGI.
Is it good movie?
Allow me to lay to rest the common notion that Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is a funny movie. Or that it is “so bad it is good.” Or that it is campy, or amusing in any way at all. It isn’t. It is inept. In terms of script, acting, directing, and especially special effects, the film is weaker than American beer. With that said, here is the useless synopsis:

Down in the Everglades of Florida, and stick figure animal activist/some sort of Dr. Nikki Riley, along with a few of her students, I guess, rescue a bunch of snakes from…some place. They release them back into the wild, and at some point, for some unspecified reason, they grow to a supernatural size and multiply like rabbits, threatening the local ecosystem. Enter Tiffany (ha ha) as Terry O’Hara, the local animal dick (ha ha), who decides to mitigate the problem by giving out special snake hunting licenses. Which royally pisses off Riley.

Needless to say, the hunting doesn’t go well, and when O’Hara loses a loved one to a python, she goes off the rails and juices the local crocs up with some “super” anabolic steroids. Of course giving steroids to the crocs makes them the size of dinosaurs. And I guess the snakes ate the same ‘roid-laden chickens, or got them from eating the juiced crocs, I don’t know, but the end result is that they grow to megalithic proportions as well. The various humans that find themselves rolled up in the Riley/O’Hara shitball proceed to attempt to destroy the apparently now-teamed up giant animals through the judicious application of pheromones and explosives. Natch.

Mary Lambert must have owed money to her crack dealer to take on this project, but whatever the reason she totally phones the directing in. Debbie Gibson, oh, excuse me, Deborah Gibson looks like Skeletor, except she overacts more, and the CGI is so bad I don’t even want to talk about it. But not even just the CGI: even the regular visual FX scenes are terrible.. As far as the camp aspect, all the principals state in the making-of featurette how “possible” the proceedings in the film are. Dude, when the director and stars are not in on the joke, there can be no camp, and no parody. There is no humor in this film, intentional or otherwise. It just sucks.

Okay, the fight scene between Tiffany and Gibson is pretty cool. If you must pop this disc into your player, just skip ahead to 58:30 and as Gibson pointedly spreads whipped cream onto Tiffany’s cleavage.
Video / Audio
Video: 1080p, naturally, with a 1.78:1 widescreen presentation. It looks about as good as a Sy-Fy channel movie is gonna.

Audio: DTS 5.1 stereo. The audio is clear, if uninspired.
The Extras
The only special feature, other than the trailer, is an 11-minute making-of featurette which clearly delineates the problem with this film: the director and stars took it seriously. While they play a lot of chin-music about how campy and silly the movie is, they are always quick to point out that the events all are possible, and how there is a serious edge to it. BZZZ! Wrong. But as to the actual mechanics of the featurette, it is a typical fluffy EPK-type piece.
Last Call
I was led to believe that with Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, I would get a really campy movie, one purposefully bad with lots of audacious events to scoff at, good-naturedly. Instead I got a movie that took itself way too seriously for the Nature Run Amok sub-genre, with absolutely no cinematic acumen with which to back that up. Other than the admittedly awesome fight scene between buxom Tiffany and skeletal Debbie Gibson, this movie is worthless.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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