Reviewed by: JimmyO
What's it about
At an isolated cabin deep in the woods, a film crew sets out to make a porno. Once there, the film’s star, Ron Jeremy, has an alien encounter leaving him without his penis. Once his 9 and ¾’s wonder detaches itself from him, it goes on a killing spree while looking for a hot chick that can handle some good lovin‘.
Is it good movie?
I never thought I would write a review about Ron Jeremy’s dick causing murderous mayhem on a film set. Seriously, just typing it I have to wonder what writer/director Adam Fields and his brothers/co-screenwriters, Jordan and Scott Fields were smoking when they came up with One-Eyed Monster. But recently, with films like Teeth creeping around, it seems like the right time for a killer penis movie. There are many ways that Adam Fields could have interpreted this story, but he smartly chose to explore it with a more straight forward tone with elements of The Thing or Aliens. The film plays itself slightly serious as Mr. Ron Jeremy and his 9 and ¾ member arrive with the cast and crew of his latest porno at an isolated cabin in the woods. It is a good setting for a movie about a dismembered member attacking folks, and sometimes, even ripping them in two.
I appreciated the fact that Mr. Fields kept the film from looking nothing like the recent spoofs cluttering up the box office the past few years. He makes sure to keep [most] of the actors with just the right amount of straight faced seriousness. One sequence where a few characters are trying to catch the dick feels like just like a typical monster movie, aside from the panties hanging in the window. For the most part, he avoids getting too ridiculous, aside from the “penis eye view” of the camera, which is pretty funny. He could have really gone all out with a Troma-esque style, but then it would’ve been a completely different movie. While there isn’t anything really groundbreaking, I do think he was able to tell the story with just enough camp for those looking for something bizarre.
The cast here is mostly on-target and in on the joke, yet they don’t play it for laughs. One of the most impressive performances comes from porno icon Veronica Hart as… well, Veronica Hart. She is going along with the crew as a coach for the younger girls, but she is having serious issues regarding her age, and what that means in the business. Her performance is pretty damn good here. I would love to see her doing a more serious film. In fact, one of my biggest complaints is that she isn’t utilized enough. Also quite good is the wonderful Charles Napier as the “Quint” character. He gives his own speech inspired by the Robert Shaw, USS Indianapolis monologue in Jaws that involves raining pieces of penis… priceless. Aside from these two talents, I enjoyed some of the younger generation here, including Amber Benson as the make-up artist, Jason Graham as the camera guy and Jeff Denton as the a-hole director. And then there is Ron. And of course, his penis. I respect that the guy has the sense of humor he does. Fun times.
While One-Eyed Monster takes itself seriously enough, I would have liked to see the horror elements explored a little more intensely. Aside from a guy getting cut in half, and a hole in the back of someone’s head, the gore is pretty tame. And what about the nudity? Doesn’t this revolve around a porno movie? While there is some, including the lovely Carmen Hart, and the not so lovely shots of Ron’s [detached and fake] monster itself. But it seemed to hold back a little on that too. If the T & A and the gore effects had been amped up a bit, it might have been even more shockingly fun, like Dead Alive porno style. But even with that, I was absolutely entertained. And while it is certainly not a great movie, Adam Fields has the sense enough to know exactly what it is he’s directing. A killer cock flick. This is the kind of popcorn fun that will be a blast to watch at parties, and maybe you can even put on one of Ron’s many other titles for a double feature.
Video / Audio
It’s a movie about a penis taken over by an alien that goes on a killing spree. If you are expecting some brilliant work of art, you are looking in the wrong place. But if you are desiring an entertaining flick that pays homage to Aliens, Jaws and Carpenter’s The Thing, you may be aroused by this one. The cast has a bit of fun and I had a blast with both Charles Napier and Veronica Hart, who gave a couple of really solid performances. Cum on, you know you wanna watch.