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POCAHAUNTUS
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Reviewed by: Andre Manseau

Directed by: Veronica Craven

Starring:
Lisa Allen
Chris Angelo
Stephanie Basco

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Okay, so this one deals with a bunch of people getting killed by the resurrected Pocahontas, who apparently wants revenge on people for her death so many years ago.
Is it good movie?

This movie is awful, and I really wish I didn't have to suffer through it. When I turned it on, I was impressed by the mildly stylish DVD menu featuring a hand wiping sand away to show the stylized credits. That is also the last thing I enjoyed about this terrible indie film, and I really tried.

This isn't to say that no one can enjoy it, but I can tell you that I certainly didn't. Think Club Dread, except awful (and yes, I'm aware that Club Dread was awful enough as it is, this is about 10 times worse, without hyperbole). I'm not sure if this movie is supposed to be a comedy, or a horror movie.

The film has a long-winded intro that admits this is nothing like the real story of Pocahontas, and spends a few minutes talking about why Pocahontas wants revenge, giving a mini-history lesson. Of course, this motivation means absolutely nothing when you flash forward to today's date and have a bunch of awful characters running around to be murdered by the risen Indian. It could have been anyone; I don't know why they chose the ancient native (perhaps the catchy title?).

On top of all that, this movie is really boring. Hardly anything happens, aside from a few murders. And what is with the lame, lame sex stuff? This isn't a porn, despite the fact that the acting is on par with one (oh, and there's almost zero nudity), and why are the character's last names the names of naughty bits, but backwards?

Video / Audio
The Extras
Last Call
If you love movies with tons of lame jokes, sex references and awful, awful characters, this will be up your alley. I still don't know if this movie is supposed to be comedy or horror, but it fails on both fronts. I suppose that with a title like Pocahauntus, you wouldn't expect much but that doesn't mean you should lower your standards for crap like this.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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