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PSYCHO SHARK
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Hijiri John

Starring:
Nonami Takizawa
Airi Nakajima

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Two busty Japanese girls are vacationing at a beach resort, cavorting around in tiny bikinis, and basically doing a whole lot of nothing. Sure they find a video tape of a group of like bodied lasses doing the same thing as them, only to get sliced up by some island duder as a sacrifice to his giant shark god. And sure it's the same creepy guy who's been hanging around lately and getting to know one of the girls. This movie is going to be awesome because it's got half naked asian chicks and a freaking GIANT SHARK! Right?
Is it good movie?
No. The above description sounds so cool, but this movie went from boring to terribly boring to very wrong in no time flat. Seriously, how can you mess up a movie about scantily clad, well endowed Japanese girls and a giant shark? By having the girls do nothing but giggle and act like lifeless beach idiots for the whole movie, and by not showing the shark until the last minute of the movie using some of the most hilarious CGI I've ever seen. The shark isn't even a part of the story until the last few minutes! Damn you, DVD box art, for teasing me yet again!

It's not that I entirely hated the movie. I mean, busty Asian girls in bikinis can sometimes make a good movie great. It's just that nothing at all happened for most of the movie. Either we saw the girls hamming it up like teenagers on the beach, or we saw the one girl watching the video tape of other girls hamming it up like teenagers on the beach. Throw in some incomprehensible quickly cut artsy montages, and you pretty much have The Entire Movie! It gets boring very quickly, and it's obvious that the whole thing was shot on the cheap, because nothing, and I do mean nothing happens that would require a medium to large budget. Now, while low budget movies are always somewhat fun, this isn't. It's just boring.

Now to the shark, that which the movie is named after. It appears a couple of time as a regular sized shark fin moving through the water as if powered by a jet engine. Man, that's one fast motherf*cking shark! Then, in the incredibly drawn out final scene, the shark rises up above the cliff, the size of a medium scale shopping mall. At this point I thought "Wow, this could be cool, that's kind of neat". Then we get reaction shots (Very Long Ones) from all of the cast as the shark's shadow passes over them. And then finally we see this massive sharky monstrosity - wait for it - flying down through the air, doing what looks like a triple gainer, just like a dolphin at Sea World! Whatever credibility of coolness the movie could have given us was blown into oblivion. I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. I'm not proud to admit that.

So, in the end, nothing good to see here. I'll give it some credit for the bikini clad Japanese girls with massive boobs, but not that much credit since they were consistently so annoying and giggly that I would have fed them to the shark myself. We'll call this one a big fetishistic fail.
Video / Audio
Video: It's not marked but it looks like standard Widescreen. The movie looked okay while being eye gougingly bad.

Audio: Japanese Dolby Stereo 2.0 with English subtitles.
The Extras
There's a bunch of Trailers for other Cinema Epoch releases, and most of them look pretty bad.
Last Call
Simply put, this movie manages to take simple concepts like busty girls in bikinis and a giant shark and suck all of the life and joy out of them until all you have left is a boring mess of a movie that makes little sense, has a few first year film school flourishes, and completely fails to deliver on everything that it promised. I give it a point for the girls, because they are hot, but even they made me want to go get a cheeseburger instead of sitting through till the end of the movie. Unless you've got a particular fetish into anything I described above, I'd avoid this one.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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