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Reviewed by: Zombie Boy

Directed by: Philippe Robert

Starring:
Johanna Andraos
Marjorie Dubesset
Vincent Lecompte

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
An alien creature crash lands in a forest in France in the 15th century, and ultimately wreaks havoc on a bunch of slackers 350 years later.
Is it good movie?
Im not sure what I was supposed to take away from this pile of French dog eggs, but whatever it was eluded me. What we have here is a half-baked tale of three slacker friends, Jann, Thomas, and Vincent, who meet up with Karinne, Tina, and Elodie for a barbecue then a night of clubbing. The barbecue part goes off fairly well, but the clubbing part doesnt. The two trios set off in two different, gender specific carloads, and the boys end up lured off the road by a spectral blue figure only to find themselves way down at the bottom of a valley, where they fight for their lives against a giant, underground mole-insect-thing.

Oh, and they pick up a passenger before the crash, who turns out to be an escaped mental patient. That is just an example of the inanity of this script. The moth-mole-alien thing is blind but attracted by noise, yet the forest has a huge water tower and clear remnants of bridges and walls. How could those things have been built if a cell phone brings the creature running? And several times the boys attempt to flag down a police helicopter. Um, wouldnt the helicopter have seen the HUGE, totally not-tree-covered flat of abandoned cars, literally in the hundreds? (many of them with their headlights shining for some unknown reason).

The boys eventually meet up with the girls, and various characters are dispatched off-handedly, with no worries about character development or tension or plot advancement. We spend almost the whole movie not seeing the creature, and when we finally do, it is a total joke. And the disposition of the creature is wholly ridiculous, and there never is an explanation for the ghostly blue chick. I am gob smacked at how this idiotic film ever got funded. To top it all off, the image is unconscionably bad. The look of the whole affair is on par with an early Playstation game. A bad one.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen, I guess. It hardly matters, the image sucks so bad. The special effects are Sega Genesis quality, the day for night scenes are painful and obvious, there is grain and artifacting, and the colors are softer than Liberace at the Playboy mansion. There is also a strange gray pall over the whole transfer, which tires the eye almost as much as the lame plot.

Audio: You have your choice of Dolby 2.0 and 5.1 Surround Sound French tracks, with optional English subtitles. The audio is decent enough. Again, it hardly matters.
The Extras
Just a theatrical trailer. This thing was in theaters? I am baffled to the point of bafflement.
Last Call
This is just a bad movie. It is written poorly, shot poorly, and chocked full of poorly done effects. The acting is the only thing Id give a pass here. But basically, even the worst Kaiju film is better than this crap. Id much rather watch a dude in a rubber suit pounce on a toy city than watch a flimsy CGI space insect chase a group of flimsier characters through a succession of terrible matte paintings. Avoid.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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