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REVAMPED
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Reviewed by: Ryan Doom

Directed by: Jeff Rector

Starring:
Jeff Rector
Christa Campbell
Fred Williamson

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Richard discovers his wife is having an affair. So, he does what all men do, become a vampire and seek revenge.
Is it good movie?
Hmm. I donít really know what to say about Revamped. Actually, I do, but it took a moment to decide the direction. Iím going to give it a negative review because this is a bad movie. With that said, Revamped is supposed to be campy and filled with cheese, but that doesnít mean the thing is watchable. In fact, it has the quality of a soft-core porn flick with the goofy acting, mediocre effects and dialogue that reeks like rotted garbage. Anyone whoís stayed up late on a Saturday night drinking alone and flipped past Skinamax knows the type. Usually theyíre called Bikini Bandits or Something on a Chain Gang. The good thing about that genre is at least they deliver to the intended audience. They have hot chicks. Nude hot chicks. Revamped, however, teases that thatís the direction itís headed. The girls look sleazy. The guys resemble ex-muscle heads. And no one cares about the plot. The trouble comes from never delivering on the nudes. Who watches this type without some sort of payoff? Not me. No thanks.

The story revolves around Richard Clark (Jeff Rector) who discovers his wife is sleeping with another man. In one of the few truly humorous moments, Richard tries to off himself in various ways, never quite succeeding ala Better Off Dead. Depressed, Richard flips on the tube and catches an ad for eternal life. Call 1-888-BITE-ME and a vampire will come to your home and kill you. From here, Richard gets sucked to death, comes back, and goes on a wild and crazy adventure. Revamped has itís moments, but they are very, very few in-between.

Perhaps the problem comes from when one person has too much creative control. Rector serves as writer, director, producer and lead actor. Heís in nearly every scene. And if he wrote all the jokes, I donít know how someone didnít just shake their heads and say no. Also, I donít know what the hell Fred Williamson is doing in here. Give that guy a job.
Video / Audio
Video: I had a screener copy, but it was Widescreen.

Audio: It didnít list, but sounded like 2.0 Mono.
The Extras
Notta.
Last Call
Revamped tries itís damnedest to be shockingly funny and sexy simultaneously. However, when a film seems modeled after low budget soft-core porn and show no T or A, well, the film will suck. No pun.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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