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RING AROUND THE ROSIE
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Reviewed by: JimmyO

Directed by: Rubi Zack

Starring:
Gina Philips
Tom Sizemore
Randall Batinkoff

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
After Granny dies, a young woman (Gina Philips) prepares to pack up and sell her old house. Along the way she meets a creepy caretaker (Tom Sizemore) who might just want to make another sex tape with her and her sister. You go Tom! “Ring around the rosie… they all fall dull.”
Is it good movie?
Somewhere between a psychological thriller and a ghost story, Ring Around The Rosie gets lost in it’s own pretentiousness. The opening moments I actually found myself interested but soon realized there was very little this film had to offer. Karen (Gina Philips) is back at her Grandmother’s house after old Granny passes away. Before she dies she asks her Granddaughter to pack up the house and sell it. When Karen arrives with her boyfriend Jeff (Randall Batinkoff), she starts to get a little nutty. She either looks longingly at him or freaks out around him. This dude gets my vote for the most understanding boyfriend ever. The chick is wacky. And when he leaves, she wanders around the place and starts hanging with the caretaker of the house, Pierce (Tom Sizemore). Really there is not much going on here. Something about her sister Wendy (Jenny Mollen) and her spending a summer in the house and bad stuff happened. Karen walks around freaked out about everything and she keeps falling down everywhere, just so Pierce can help her up. “I won’t let you fall…”, he keeps telling her. Maybe he should have…

The performances here are good but they have nothing to work with. After awhile I realized the only thing happening here is the background music gets really creepy when NOTHING HAPPENS. Nothing… Nada! Why does she trust this Pierce guy? Why does her sister seem to wanna get jiggy with him? Why are they not having a lesbian sex party? C’mon people, give me something. When we finally get to the climax (which you can see coming a mile away) we are thrown a quick “surprise twist” that just made me groan. This is a movie that seems to have some lofty goals but doesn’t have a script to work with. The “scary” moments are just Gina Philips getting a “worried” face while Tom Sizemore cuts up chickens or pushes Jenny Mollen on an old swing. And the worst crime this flick commits is the fact that it brings up so many things that could have happened but really just leaves it as a vague maybe. All it really does is just give us one lazy and uneventful movie. The children’s nursery rhyme the title comes from is scarier than this crap.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen 1.85:1

Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1
The Extras
Like the movie, we get nothing. Except for a few trailers including, “Hostel”, “Dark Kingdom: The Dragon King”, “The Cave”, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”, “End Game”, “The Russian Specialist”, “Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders”, “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” and a Horror Compilation for MGM DVD’s. Hey, at least the Hostel trailer is cool.
Last Call
Ring Around The Rosie has many good elements but is dead in the water with a lousy script. So many missed opportunities here and a complete waste of talented actors. It's a shame too because I think they had a really good idea somewhere in this movie. Dull, dull, dull...
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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