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RIVERWORLD
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Reviewed by: Matt Withers

Directed by: Stuart Gillard

Starring:
Tahmoh Penikett
Laura Vandervoort
Mark Deklin
Peter Wingfireld

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A bunch of people die and find themselves on the banks of an impossibly long river. And then they bore us to death for the next 3 hours.
Is it good movie?
I've never read or heard of the books this movie is based on, but can only imagine this does for fans of the series what THE LAST AIRBENDER movie did. Namely drop a big load on a cherished property. Trying to explain all the ways in which this flick sucks ass would take nearly as long as the movie.

I mean, sure the acting, direction, screenplay and continuity are all a hot mess that make you wish they'd hired a high schooler with a flip cam to shoot the damn thing 'cause that would be easier to watch. But it's the little details where the awfulness of this really shine through. Like having an Asian samurai chick who's rocking the Caucasian look of an Olivia Munn.

Or better yet, when a suicide bomber, for reasons that elude me, decides to blow up a nightclub where our protagonists are having a drink, and blows up the whole place. Like nuclear level explosion seen from a distance achieved by one suicide bomber. But wait, it gets better. Even though we saw the entire building decimated, we go back inside the bar and see intact bodies all over. And the lead character is still marginally alive even though he was closest to the blast. And lest I forget, one guy lived because he was in the bathroom. Sure the whole f*cking building blew up, but he was in the bathroom. Of course he survived.

I could go on, but I might give you the impression that the movie is so bad it's good, which is not the case. It's just bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. On a scale of 1 to 10 this is BAD! Don't waste you time.

Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen

Audio: Dolby Audio 5.1

The Extras
BTS with Alan Cumming: Literally nothing but watching Alan Cumming get into makeup.
Last Call
Don't. Just don't.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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