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SAND SHARKS
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Reviewed by: Ammon Gilbert

Directed by: Mark Atkins

Starring:
Brooke Hogan
Corin Nemec
Gina Holden


Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
The son of the Mayor of a sleepy island town has a grand scheme to bring Spring Breakers to the island to help boost the economy. The only problem with this plan is that there is a sudden outburst of sharks that swim in the sand attacking—and killing—innocent beach goers.
Is it good movie?
Thanks to MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, there has been a recent outburst of killer shark movies all over the SyFy network thanks to our pals at The Asylum, Roger Corman, and any low-budget production company looking to turn a buck. The formula is simple: cast a C or D grade actor/actress in the lead role, give the sharks in question some sort of mutation, and be as ridiculously bad as humanly possible. Fill the middle with bullshit dialog and cap it off with enough CGI-shark attacks sprinkled throughout to keep people half-way interested, and you have yourself a winner (of sorts).

SAND SHARKS hits the new formula to a T, casting the famous-for-a-minute Brooke Hogan (also star of 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK) as a marine biologist / shark expert investigating the shark problem, discovering that these sharks are actually prehistoric sand sharks (as in, they swim and live in the sand). Where these sharks have been all these years is never explained, nor why they just woke up, or really any sort of explanation whatsoever other than, they’re sand sharks and they exist. And for this type of shark movie, that’s all you need.

There’s a back story of a previous shark attack on the shore of said island a few years ago, which has the beefy Sheriff all worked up and distressed. This back-story is essentially unnecessary in the scheme of the rest of the movie, but I guess it it gives the characters something to talk about when filling in all those awkward moments. This whole scenario is straight out of Steven Spielberg’s JAWS, by the way, with the determined Sheriff wanting to keep the beach closed, the Mayor wanting to keep it open, and the scientist/shark expert wanting to help in capturing the monster. There’s also the crusty fisherman who moonlights as a shark hunter. In fact, SAND SHARKS may be one of the biggest JAWS rip-offs in history, except here, the sharks swim and attack on sand.

Let’s talk about the sharks. They live in sand so their skin is more tough and scaly, but mostly we don’t see much of the sharks other than their dorsal fins zooming around the beaches (like that scene from FREDDY’S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE, if anyone remembers). The effects are bad (100% CGI all the way through), which is to expected in a flick like this, but especially so here. When we do see the whole shark, we just get a glimpse as it’s jumping out of the sand to kill its prey, then back down under the sand it goes like it wasn’t there at all. Sort of a let down, but as the effects are pretty awful, it likely worked in the film’s favor.

SAND SHARKS is obviously made for television as the gore is more or less absent, there’s no bad language, and while there are a number of bikini-clad co-eds, there’s not an ounce of nudity to seen anywhere. So what it comes down to is sharks attacking people on the beach, a whole subplot about putting on the ultimate spring break party that will attract hundreds of kids to the beach, then a final feeding frenzy that doesn’t nearly live up to the hype the film creates for itself. This should be PIRANHA 3D level of carnage, and it’s simply a splash in the water in comparison. Top it off with unlikable characters and Brooke Hogan as a scientist, and you have yourself one drag of a modern day shark movie.

Video / Audio
[screener]
The Extras
[screener]
Last Call
While it hits the Asylum formula for the recent onslaught of mutated / prehistoric shark movies, SAND SHARKS falls flat on just about every level. Crappy CGI effects, played-out JAWS storyline, a totally missed opportunity with the ultimate Spring Break party, and Brooke Hogan as the most unbelievable marine biologist this side of Denise Richards. Without any awesome kills or gore to be seen, nor an ounce of gratuitous nudity, SAND SHARKS pretty much has no redeeming value other than its most basic premise of sharks that swim/attack in the sand. SAND SHARKS makes 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK look like a cinematic masterpiece.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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