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SEXCULA
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Reviewed by: Andre Manseau

Directed by: Bob Hollowich

Starring:
Debbie Collins
Jamie Orlando
John Alexander

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Well, I don't really know what else to say- this is a porno movie thinly veiled as a vampire flick. Thought to be lost in the annals of Canadian myth, our sax-laden, ultra low budget porn movie has finally found its way to shelves.
Is it good movie?
I had a good laugh when Sexcula came across my desk (figuratively, of course). I figured this was a zany exploitation romp through a silly er a of film that might provide a few laughs and some lame acting. Instead of a movie with a couple of boobs and some bad jokes. What I wound up with was straight up lame old porn. Well, perhaps i'm being a bit too judgy, because I don't know what got people off back in the day. Here, we get a lot of goofy fangs, people looking right at the camera and a whole lot of awful music. Honestly, I can't really credit the "acting", though admittedly Debbie Collins is a good looking lass. None of the ladies are too hard to look at, but that doesn't exactly save anything.

Ultimately, if you're looking for a horror film, you can look elsewhere. Instead, this is nothing more than a really low budget sexploitation film that'll give you a look at cheap porn-horror from that particular era. As I mentioned before, there's a little bit of a plot in here somewhere, although the lines are hard to hear and delivered so laughably that it's hard to make out what's going on at all. I think it's about a girl who takes her boyfriend to a mansion. They find an old diary, which leads to a mad scientist (Dr. Fallatingstein and his sidekick Orgie), Countess Sexcula, and even hilarious robots (well, a sex girl robot) and a gorilla. Just hilarious!

This isn't a bellybutton humping porn movie either- there's scenes of full penetration, right up until the end. You'll see plenty of wieners alongside giant bush. It's not particularly attracting, and the film is ugly looking to begin with. The movie is shot in a strange way, and you can't often make out minute, explicit detail. Probably better that way. The whole thing feels cheap and to call it a movie with any sort of narrative is funny. More like "my weird uncle got drunk and strung up some Halloween decorations". If you love it bizarre, you might like this- maybe.

There's little else I can say about this one. The girls are pretty good looking for their time period, the story is nonexistant and the effects and sets are absolutely hilarious. Well, that and a Gunnar Hansen cameo! Watch out for that beauty.
Video / Audio
Video is full screen with a ratio of 1.33:1. It's ugly, drab and grainy.

Audio is Dolby 2.0 mono, and as I mentioned before, is often muffled and brutal. Soundtrack? Awful!
The Extras
The trailer for the film is included, as is a dvd liner insert, that details how the flick was acquired and some of the hoopla that made it notorious.
Last Call
Sexcula is not a good movie. It's a "lost gem" of a Canadian porn flick, and if that sounds like your idea of fun, by all means grab it. For fans of weird old porn only!
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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