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SHARK NIGHT
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Reviewed by: Mike Catalano

Directed by: David R. Ellis

Starring:
Sara Paxton
Dustin Milligan
Chris Carmack
Joel David Moore

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A group of college kids head to a rich girl's lake house in Louisiana for some wet, sexy fun. Only problem is a bunch of sharks have somehow taken up occupancy in the lake and the sight of Sara Paxton in a bikini ain't enough to satisfy their appetites!

Is it good movie?
No, this is not the "Unrated Director's Cut" of SHARK NIGHT. And notice there is no 3D at the end of the title this time. First off, I can't believe that this wasn't released in some sort of R-rated "Bigger Bite" package because a movie like this just screams to be overly violent and exploitative (like the far superior PIRANHA 3D remake). There's sharks terrorizing scantily clad, horny teenagers! Where the f*ck are all the boobs and entrails?! This thing was even directed by David Ellis, who did SNAKES ON A MUTHAF*CKIN' PLANE! All the proper ingredients were there!

Instead, what we get is a ridiculously watered-down JAWS/DEEP BLUE SEA ripoff with absolutely zero scares or suspense. You could guess exactly what was going to happen next and even when the flick tried to be surprising, it failed even more! The best words to describe the reasoning as to why all these sharks are swimming around in this lake are as follows: grade school. My four year-old could have come up with a better explanation. I just can't believe that a script this poor somehow made it to the big screen.

That's not to say that SHARK NIGHT wasn't a complete waste of time as it did offer up some better-than-average performances from the cast. In fact, that would be the main point to distinguish this flick from all the sci-fi channel movies it so closely resembles, even though the script had them involved in some pretty pathetic scenarios. I liked Sara Paxton very much and loved her wardrobe even more (she's in a bikini for basically the entire running time). And the great Joel David Moore does a nice job of reminding us that SHARK NIGHT is really a horror comedy.

As for the sharks, they're so blatantly computer-generated, it was like watching a video game whenever they appeared. I just don't get how a movie made way back in 1975 had a better, more lifelike-looking shark than anything I've seen nowadays. If the sharks aren't going to look real, then why the f*ck are you moving forward with a movie called SHARK NIGHT? Clearly, the filmmakers were going more for a silly popcorn ride than anything of a high caliber craft. And again, I suppose the movie does keep you entertained on a remedial level. I mean, I did sit through the entire thing with ease. So, the movie isn't a total loss. And, the music video that the cast performs at the very end of the credits is better anything that preceded it.

Video / Audio
Video Widescreen 1.85:1

Audio English dolby digital with Spanish subtitles.

The Extras
A pathetic featurette called Shark Attack! Kill Machine! that is merely 5 and a half minutes of clips of every shark attack in the movie, which proves that there's only a little over five minutes of actual shark action in the entire flick.

An ok behind-the-scenes featurette called Ellis' Island, which provides a lot of info about director, David Ellis.

Last Call
Nowhere near enough gore and gratuitous flesh for a movie of this ilk. If you are unable to attain Alexandre Aja's PIRANHA, then I suppose this is a pathetic, but acceptable, second choice. At least you'll get Ms. Paxton in her bikini and a few dumb laughs.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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