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SILENT SCREAMS
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Reviewed by: Ryan Doom

Directed by: Anthony R. Teoli

Starring:
Alejandra Baron
Sandra Figueirdeo
Chastity

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A pop star's life spirals out of control when she's is kidnapped by some naughty girls in latex.
Is it good movie?

Itís difficult trying to figure out exactly what Silent Screams influences are. At times, it has the extreme, manic editing of a Saw or Seven. Then thereís the bondage fetish aspect as the film has sexy, supposedly German (itís just a bad accent) bad girls wearing latex dominatrix outfits. They work in a mad scientistís lab thatís complete with massive needles and buzzing sounds straight from your choice of mad scientist movie. In other words, Silent Screams doesnít know what the hell itís doing. Itís as if director Anthony R. Teoli had rented twenty different flicks and scraped elements out of each one. Itís a lot of randomness all cut and packaged for you the consumer.

I usually reserve a section for a further explanation of the plot. But honestly, even 30 minutes in I still had no idea. Something about a female pop star, bondage clubs, dominatrix, and well, Iím not sure about the rest. At its core, Silent Screams yearns to copy David Lynch, as our pop star main character switches identities, bodies, or something like that. But it really doesnít matter because the idea isnít defined. The thing doesnít make sense. Along the same lines, the music seems just as random. It varies from techno, to sappy piano, to cello, to 80ís guitar, to a love song for the love scene. No consistency exists at all, which for viewers, seems just about the most frustrating thing.

On a pure aesthetic basis, at least there are some hot ďmistressesĒ to watch and some decent nude scenes, including a cameo by Catwoman, which Iím sure Warner Bros. appreciated. And while I love a sex scene as much as the next, when one of the longest scenes revolves around that and furthers the plot point zero percent, this might as well have been ďMistresses in Love on the Beach Part 4.Ē

I hate to knock a small movie like this. These guys are trying. Nevertheless, since Silent Screams isnít filled with gore, excessive nudity, violence, or at the very least a comprehendible story, why should anyone watch it. Hell, thereís not even a trace of horror. I canít recommend that others spend 80 minutes of their life with something that doesnít offer anything beyond Skin-amax quality acting, and, of course, lackluster dialogue. During a near bar fight, thereís a heated exchange between two men. One says, ďIf you think this is such a slimy bar, and you want this bag back, youíre gonna have to wrestle with me. And win.Ē The other man replies, ďYou wanna dance with me, grandpa? Show me what you got big boy.Ē And thatís one of the few examples minus the word f*ck. Now I have no problem dropping the f-bomb, but if thatís the main source of drama, then thereíre some serious issues with the plot. And for the no budget movie, if no plot exists or horror, thereís not a lot left worthy of your time.
Video / Audio
Video: Full frame goodness.

Audio: English.
The Extras
Notta.
Last Call
If both your legs are broken and you have a pint of rum, watch some Happy Days re-runs or at least stare out the window befoe you waste your time here.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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