A demon slaying priest and his sidekick nun attempt to rescue a seemingly helpless kidnapped teenage girl from demon worshiping cops, who then turns out to be the Queen of Hell. She needs their help to bring justice to the underworld, and she apparently canít do it alone. Kung-fu gory action and plenty of boobies ensues.
Generally speaking, a movie containing kung fu priests, female topless fight sequences, demon strippers, and black latex bikinis would have me jumping for joy as the best movie ever made. And while SINNERS AND SAINTS features all of the above, it falls way short of being a good movie, let alone the best ever. Like every movie, SAINTS had its good parts, its bad parts, and its straight up ugly parts- but in the end, its bad parts stood high above the rest.
Letís start with the good: itís an ultra-violent, politically incorrect skin flick, whose sole purpose was to offend, and most of all, to check the brain at the door. Its intention was to entertain the shit out of me- and in that department, the film rocked my socks off. Some stylistic visuals, intense kung fu action sequences, and enough blood and gore to satisfy the hugest bloodhound out there. Beating someone with their own severed arms never gets old! But most of all- the boobies. What can I say, at the end of the film, what stood out to me was the plenty of boobs sprinkled throughout. From the fighting nun whose top falls off (but who doesnít stop fighting!), to the demon strippers who make up Ďhellí, SAINTS delivered the most when it came to showing off some skin. Top it off with the Queen of Hell (Melantha Blackthorne) prancing around in black latex and little else, and you have yourself some entertaining trash at its finest!
SAINTS lack of budget could be its biggest accomplishment, as it was able to do a lot with very little. Felt more like a big budget porno that was trying to spoof the genre than anything else. I also dug Jason Cavalierís portrayal of our tortured hero, who not only battled demons on the outside, but on the inside as well. And Jan Pivonís portrayal of the devil worshiping cop was great- what a frickiní douche bag! I hated him- but in a good way.
Now onto the bad: I really wanted to like this flick. And while it had a lot of cool elements, its lack of clear storytelling and onslaught of randomness clouded my view and had me asking for those 90 minutes of my life back. In its effort to offend with every atrocity known to man, SAINTS wound up being a confusing jumble of sequences, barely strung together with a paper thin plot and practically invisible character development. Its main problem had to do with its script, which had me guessing as to what the hell was going on for the majority of the picture. I get the fact that SAINTS wasnít made for me to think, but come on! Iíve never felt so lost watching a movie in my life- and I wasnít even drunk or stoned at the time!
And finally, the ugly: you have to watch a movie like this with an open mind. Itís looking to offend everyone in every way, whether itís exploiting rape, violence against women, the joys of whackiní off, dick eating dogs, bathing in pools of shit, or reverse abortions- you name it, it exploits it and tries to make you squirm. Going in with those expectations, itís not nearly as offensive as it was aiming to be. Plus, its lack of seriousness lightened the tone considerably- it wasnít trying to be more than what it was, and handled itself accordingly.
In the end, this was a hard review to write for me. On the one hand, I admired what the film accomplished with such a low budget, and I really dug the fight sequences. But my initial reaction when the flick ended was pure joy- the flick was finally over! As I had no idea what the hell was going on throughout, I was beginning to get really pissed off, which overshadowed any positive attributes the film had. After a few days of sitting on it following my initial viewing, I was able to get past the confusion and appreciate SAINTS for what it was: an unapologetic exploitation flick with little direction. And a bunch of boobies.