HORROR DVD/BLU-RAY REVIEWS

Search by title # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
SUICIDE GIRLS MUST DIE!
Download Movie
Reviewed by: Pat Torfe

Directed by: Sawa Suicide

Starring:
Amina Suicide
Rigel Suicide
Sawa Suicide
Joleigh Suicide

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about

Billed as the world's first reality horror movie, 12 Suicide Girls are packed off to the backwoods of Maine for a calendar shoot, unaware of this horror movie hoax. Each girl brings along a video camera and is encouraged to film as much as possible during the shoot. Once in Maine, weird shite starts going down, and one by one, the girls begin to disappear.

Is it good movie?

I love women, but I've never had a hankerin' for the women of Suicide Girls. The whole mixing of naked ladies with punk/goth themes was kind of interesting way back in 2003, but it was and is a big 'meh' for me. Obviously, there are folks who do dig seeing pinups of punk rock girls, as how else can you get books and DVDs made involving these ladies? Now after a brief theatrical run, the reality horror movie centered around these very ladies called SUICIDE GIRLS MUST DIE! has made its way to DVD. Unfortunately, the film isn't so much horror as it is a cruel joke.

The highlight obviously is the fact that the film centers around the Suicide Girls, so nudity is a given. This unrated version apparently gives more bang for the buck in terms of skin, but again, these ladies aren't exactly my thing. They aren't 'ugly', but not exactly someone I would want to bring home to my folks. Still, beggars can't be choosers, and fans of everything Suicide Girls will foam at the mouth over the amount of available skin contained in this DVD.

Really, the whole film feels like an episode of 'Scare Tactics', and instead of Tracy Morgan, we get a pink-haired Suicide Girl named Sawa who's in on the whole thing. Once everything gets going, the film gradually shifts focus to three girls: Amina, the photographer for the 'shoot'; Rigel, the calendar shoot's coordinator; and Joleigh, one of the girls selected for the 'shoot', and incidentally is the one that goes nuts once the other girls start going missing. All three have different reactions to the whole thing, which is interesting to watch: Amina surprisingly couldn't give a f*ck about the missing girls, Rigel tries to be the cool-headed person, while you already know about Joleigh's reaction.

As I said, the film is more or less 'Scare Tactics' with ample amounts of skin thrown in. Once you get past that, there's isn't a whole lot to be had. In fact, one might just question how real the 'reality' is, judging from some of the girls' reactions (the 'girls-stranded-in-a-boat-freaking-out' sequence with a camera crew not even 10 feet away comes to mind). As well, if you're going to go the reality movie route, you really should have the audience get a peek as to who knows what through someone like Sawa, who isn't there as a mediary. Really, you end up doing more 'meh' than anything.

To top it off, there just isn't much to hold one's interest if you're watching for things other than skin. The plot, as it is, is the bare minimum, as is the horror content. The imbalance between those few tense moments and the stretches of dialogue and the pictorials is just as tedious as the dialogue sequences themselves. Really, if you haven't figured it out by now that it's all just an excuse to see the Suicide Girls in various forms of undress, then you must be dense.

So that's it, then. Like the other two 'films' before it involving these tattooed/pierced ladies, SUICIDE GIRLS MUST DIE! is just a shallow excuse to see the girls in the flesh. Those of you who expected that are probably wondering why I'm thumbing my nose at it. Put it this way: if I wanted to see the Suicide Girls in the buff, I'd go the website, not spend time and money watching a thin attempt at dressing the whole thing up as something more.

Video / Audio

Video: Presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, the video isn't something to write home about, but it does the job. There's a decent amount of detail in the picture, with pretty strong colors throughout. There's some grain to the image, but nothing to get distracted over.

Audio: Like the video, the audio isn't spectacular (above indie-level quality), but does the job. The Dolby Digital 5.1 surround track sports clear dialogue that's not overpowered by the music or ambient effects.

The Extras

The pithy extras included here start off with a Bonus Scene that amounts to a confession from Rigel (think 'Real World') that perpetuates the "reality" of the film. Nothing really in-depth.

Following that is a Photo Gallery of the girls featured in the film, which may or may not be your thing. Beauty is subjective, as they say, but for me, my crank wasn't turned.

Lastly, there's the film's trailer, which sums the film up as it should, though I was half-expecting shots of the girls making out with each other.

Last Call

Pure fan service if I ever saw it, SUICIDE GIRLS MUST DIE! isn't so much horror as it is an excuse to have the Suicide Girls get naked while half-assing a horror movie. If you're a fan of Suicide Girls, then it doesn't matter what I say, since you'll buy it (along with a box of Kleenex). If you're not, you might find some enjoyment seeing these tattooed ladies, but you'll probably want a real horror movie to go along with it. As for the DVD, it's okay, but I wasn't exactly expecting a feature-length documentary on the making of the film.

ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

Mistress Of The Week

More
 Scorupco, Izabella