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THE ALCOVE
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Reviewed by: Mike Catalano

Directed by: Joe DAmato

Starring:
Laura Gemser
Annie Belle
Lilli Carati

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Elio, an Italian diplomat, returns home from Ethiopia with an interesting souvenir: a sexy slave girl and former Ethiopian princess! The slave girl is soon butting heads with Elio's wife as well as his female secretary (with whom his wife is having an affair). Watch the secret sexual shenanigans ensue!
Is it good movie?
So, if you like your softcore porno flicks with a bit more hair on the bush and some semblance of a plot, then you may want to take a trip to THE ALCOVE. Honestly, this is not a real Arrow in the Head flick, but because it refuses to shy away from female nudity as well as girl-on-girl action, I suppose we can allow it to slip in.

Whether or not you're going to be on board with this film really depends on what your cup of "titty tea" exactly is. Do you watch movies solely for sex/nude scenes or do you require an interesting plot/script to go along with your skin? My stance is firmly within the latter, hence this review will come off as more negative than positive.

In place of a compelling plot, we're merely given reasons for women to make out with and undress each other. Now don't get me wrong, that isn't necessarily a bad thing... if you're just looking for payments to take to the spank bank. However, if you want to sit down with your pants on and no lotion in sight, THE ALCOVE simply does not measure up. What sucks is that sometimes it can be fun to watch poorly-dubbed, foreign skin flicks for some unintentional laughs or perhaps a drinking game. Unfortunately, the sex scenes in this movie come off as pretty damn erotic which doesn't mix too well with "party-time joke movie night".

What I'm getting at is that it's pretty damn awkward watching a supposed "joke" movie with your buds when everybody's got a boner half the time! A second example: you wouldn't ride a merry-go-round or play Madden Football or shoot hoops with a chubby. Am I making any sense? Probably not, but I blame the nearly empty bottle of Jack to my left. But let me add: you could probably watch the love scenes with your girlfriend or wife to, you know, get in the mood. But you'd also have to fast forward all the crap that falls in between those down-and-dirty acts, which again exemplifies why I can not endorse this flick as valid movie entertainment.

In case you couldn't already tell, I don't account much for incredible cinematography or extra crisp DVD transfers/enhancement. I don't even mind poor dubbing or subtitles. I just want something that'll keep my interest for at least an hour and a half. That small package did not wash ashore with THE ALCOVE.

Video / Audio
Video Widescreen 2.35:1

Audio Dubbed English 5.1 Dolby Digital

The Extras
A silly Interview with the flesh-obsessed director himself, Mr. DAmato.

And the flick's trailer. Woo-Hoo!

Last Call
Boobies and booties and bush, oh my! If only THE ALCOVE had a more interesting plot or a higher rate of unintentional comedy. Hence, if your pants are still on and that bottle of scented lotion is still sitting in the medicine cabinet, look for some other form of viewing entertainment.

ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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