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THE CHOKE
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Reviewed by: JimmyO

Directed by: Juan Mas

Starring:
Sean Cook
Sam Prudhomme
Bee Simonds

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Some punk band is about to get some bad news from lead singer and guitarist that they are leaving the band. But will they survive a fateful night at Club 905 when a killer is on the loose? And who the hell cares?
Is it good movie?
“Hey guys. I got an idea… Let’s get all our friends together. I know a couple of punk bands… I got access to an old warehouse… C’mon. You know what I’m thinking? Let’s make a horror movie." This may not be how The Choke came about, but it sure as shite seemed like it. This was just a bad movie. In the first few minutes I thought maybe there is something to this. Maybe it will get better. But it didn’t. Imagine every cliché you can think of and put it into a script. Take a bunch of red herrings and attempt to make people give two shits about these people. What we have here is a punk band aptly named The Choke. They are supposed to play in this club but the lead singer and guitarist are about to break it to the rest of the band that they are going solo. After that, the band and a couple of other random people are trapped because see, the beer ran out so most people left. Cheap friggin' club. Then people get murdered. But you’ll never see it. You will see someone swinging a guitar with spikes into the general direction of the victim. But that’s it. And top that off with people knowing there have been murders and even stating that they should stick together. But do they? NO! They split up and walk around dark corridors talking to themselves and they do so loudly. Talking into a video camera, talking about how they hope they are not the next victim. You get the picture? They ALL deserve to die!

Halfway through this thing I found myself feeling sorry for a couple of these people. Not the characters, but the actors. A couple of them gave okay performances for what they were given with this wretched script. The lead singer Dylan and his brother Elliot played respectively by Sean Cook and Sam Prudhomme gave a descent show. And then there is the “cheerleader” who apparently nobody knew in high school. Yes, you heard me right. Nobody knew her… But Bee Simonds played it off well. But trust me, not everyone came out looking good here. First we get the Rose McGowan wannabe, Brooke Bailey as London, the token “goth chick”. Her one-liners fell way short of anything remotely funny. And then we had the drummer, “Nancy Boy” played by Tom Olson; PUT DOWN THE F*CKIN’ DRUM STICKS YOU IDIOT! He didn’t die fast enough. Even though I hated these two performances, I am not so sure the actors are responsible. Even the directing isn’t necessarily the problem, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t good but it wasn’t what made this stink. The script sucked, pure and simple. Have they never seen a horror movie? Did they watch Scream once and think, “Oh, what a clever idea.”

Inconsistent characters, dumb victim moves, obvious red herrings and a whodunit you can see almost immediately. Add to that some "soap opera" moments between band mates and girlfriends and you get a heaping pile of turd. And what about the band? I wouldn't know because I never heard The Choke play. Supposedly they have this huge following but we NEVER see them perform. Not even once. But we do get a couple of other okay punk rock tracks but not the Uber Famous Choke! Probably a good thing.
Video / Audio
Video: 16:9 Anamorphic

Audio: 5.1 Surround/2.0 Stereo
The Extras
Commentary with Director Juan Mas, DP Doug Cheney, Editor Jason Payne and writers Jessica Dolan and Susannah Lowber. Pretty good commentary, they keep it moving and describe how creative you have to be to make a low budget feature. To bad that couldn't translate into a better film.

The Choke: The Legend Begins (16:33) is a somewhat clever mockumentary about the legend of the rock group. But we still don't hear any of their music. Again... that might be a good thing.

The Choke Trailer (1:16) a short trailer that gives way too much of the movie away.
Last Call
The Choke is a cliché ridden, dumb characters doing really dumb things and getting killed movie. There is nothing original here. It's all been done better several times. The gore factor was just plain bad and the T&A was silly. Even though a few of the actors came out looking okay it still is not worth your time. Choke on this!
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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