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THE INSATIABLE
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Reviewed by: Matt Withers

Directed by: Chuck Konzelman/Cary Solomon

Starring:
Sean Patrick Flanery
Charlotte Ayanna
Michael Biehn

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Shy dude witnesses sexy vampire feasting. He fears for his own life so he tries to kill her, but falters because, well she's sexy. Unable to put the she-beast down he decides to put her in a cage in his basement and keep her...like a pet...that he wants to have sex with...she's not amused.
Is it good movie?
Most of us have been there at one point or another. Attracted to the "dangerous" girl, hoping to save her from herself while being treated to her whole repertoire of body-bending, zipless f*ck, ass-to-mouth hijinx in gratitude. And it always ends up one of two ways:

1) Finding out she acts like a badass to hide near paralyzing insecurities which become tiresome quickly no matter how good the sex is.

2) She really is dangerous and you realize, hopefully before you get in way over your head, that getting off in creative ways is not worth the trouble she'll get you into.

The Insatiable takes the latter tack when a nerdy dude falls for a hot vampire. The stalwart geek tries to track the undead vixen and kill her after he sees her munching on a homeless guy like he's an IHOP. And our wannabe hero does find her, but his resolve crumbles at the crucial moment when she unexpectedly pleads for her life. His solution is to catch her and keep her in a cage in his basement. Feeding her bunnies. You can imagine what she thinks about this arrangement.

It's all an interesting set-up, and the concept is well served by Sean Patrick Flanery, surprisingly convincing as the geek, and Charlotte Ayanna bringing the hotness in vampire form. Flanery does a great job of showing the conflict of a good guy trying to do the right thing, but ultimately seeing his self-image break-down as he realizes that there is no satisfying solution to the situation he's entered. Ayanna is particularly outstanding as a predator who makes no excuses, has no illusions, and is well aware of how those "good intentions" must eventually play out. Plus we get the extra treat of Michael Biehn in a small but energetic role as a wheelchair bound, vampire hunting, Vietnam vet.

The trouble with The Insatiable is that all this promise is undone by an inability to decide what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it a vampire/horror flick? Is it a romantic drama? Ultimately it attempts to be both and does a disservice to the interesting elements of either approach in the process. Add to that some massive plot holes - a guy building a floor to ceiling, living room sized steel cage in the basement of an apartment building with no one noticing for instance - and you end up with an admirable mess of a movie.

Video / Audio
Video: 16:9 Anamorphic Full Frame Presentation 1.78:1

Audio: 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround

The Extras
Theatrical Trailer

Other Trailers: The Killing Floor, Deceit, Gag, The House Of Usher, .45, Bloodlines

Last Call
I really thought I was going to love this movie through the first block, and then depending on your perspective, it either got over- or under-ambitious. No matter how disappointing the thoughts of what could have been are, though, the outstanding performances make this well worth a look.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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