THE STEWARDESSES 3D
Reviewed by: JimmyO
Alf Silliman Jr.
What's it about
The Stewardesses… they fly all day and play all night. They take “fasten your seatbelts” to an entirely new heights. Stewardess? Can I see you in the cockpit? It’s the late Sixties, nudity and 3D… any fun catch phrase will work… come on… make one up yourself.
Is it good movie?
Who knew sex could be so boring? Especially since it is in 3D. I know the late 1960’s were all about free love and such, so it seems like a movie about a bunch of stewardesses getting high or getting laid would be sort of awesome, it ain’t. The paper thin plot… wait a second, there is no plot. The Stewardesses is literally a bunch of flight attendants‘ and their misadventures. One girl finds a rich businessman and he takes her out to show off at a business meeting. Another girl decides to take a trip, and not the kind where you leave the house. So the girls get off their flight and they “get off” when they can… all of it in the glory of 3D. You know, the headache inducing red and blue glasses that are only worth it if the film is absolutely amazing… this isn’t. Luckily (or unluckily) you have both the 2D and the 3D versions in this extravagant 2-disc set. I actually preferred the black and white 3D as it was less harsh on the eyes.
Now there is some attempt at a story here. I will talk a little about one of the main threads that runs throughout the film. It revolves around “Stewardess Samantha” played by Christina Hart and her businessman friend Colin Winthrop (Michael Garrett). This is sort of the main story about how this dear girl who once had a pony wants to become an actress. She finds this guy who makes commercials with his company and feels he is a good start. But soon, she falls in love… for real. Whatever! But it doesn’t really matter as there is very little point to any of this. Yet this whole story line comes to a very WTF conclusion. It is ridiculously overdramatic and so poorly written and directed, even though the actors aren’t that bad, it doesn’t work in the slightest. This story arc certainly didn’t belong in this film.
Some of the other works of genius include a girl on acid making out with a lamp that is shaped like the head of the Roman statue. But it is only his head mind you… with a light bulb sticking out of the top. What is really scary is that it looks as if it is still plugged in. And I can’t forget about the playboy pilot who seduces all the new stewardesses and has them stop by for a romp. I really didn’t buy this one, like at all, were all these women blind? He’s kind of a loser and certainly not all that smooth. Mostly it is just way too long shots of people having sex, playing pool, hanging out or doing nude yoga. And the takes really are much too long. I kept thinking to myself, “CUT!”. Do we really need to watch people set up to play pool? I think not. Although I did appreciate the “let’s pretend we’re swimming naked on the bed” sex scene between two gals, but even that went on much too long. But the lesbian was really cute.
Written (?) and directed by Alf Silliman Jr., there is no structure nor any sort of professional quality about this film. While is became surprisingly successful upon it’s release in 1969, that was certainly due to the nudity and the self imposed “X” rating. Mr. Silliman does such a terrible job at framing the action. One moment, the actors head will appear in the lower right hand corner of the screen, with no real purpose at all. It felt like he may have been chatting with the ladies or just not paying attention to the footage being shot. And again, the script is almost non-existent. I know this is a skin flick, but it is so painfully dull and offers no real purpose. I guess the purpose is truly just flesh. The film earns it’s star because most of the women are quite attractive. But it sure doesn’t make an interesting film.
Video / Audio
Video: While the box doesn’t list any information about the “restored picture and sound”, it isn’t all that impressive. The 3D disc gets really blurry after awhile, I had to stop and continue watching the 2D version. It is not necessarily a bad transfer, but I guess it probably couldn’t get much better.
Audio: Ditto. The sound quality is a little less than the picture. Again, not terrible, and we probably won’t be seeing the super duper deluxe re-mastered version any time soon.
The special features include for The Stewardesses are slightly better than the film. As mentioned previously, this DVD comes with two discs, one is in “3D” (both color and black and white) while the other is in 2D.
The 3D disc includes a handful of extras including the Original 3D Title Sequence and Deleted Scenes. This might have been interesting had there been audio which there is none for these extras. What is the point of watching a deleted scene with dialogue and no sound? I guess the most interesting extra here is the 3D Lens Test which is a really sexy blonde (fully clothed?) blowing bubbles and throwing balloons at the screen. And this is most interesting because why? Like I said, the girl is stunning.
The better extras are included on the 2D disc. First up we have A Short History of 3D (11:32) and it is… well, a short history of 3D. I found this slightly entertaining with some cool 3D commercials and shorts at the end which had better 3D than the film itself.
We then have a couple of featurettes including The Stewardesses: How it Was Shot and Shown (3:36) which is terribly useless. It is short and unnecessary, especially after the first feature on this disc that shows us the history lesson on 3D. After that you have the slightly entertaining How the Stewardesses Took Off (21:34) which really explains a lot of the thought (?) behind the film. I loved when actress Christina Hart claims she had no idea how bad the movie would end up being. That was priceless.
We also get a Theatrical Trailer and a pretty funny SCTV Sketch - “Dr. Tongue’s House of Stewardesses (6:10) which I really question that is was a sketch based on this movie… I guess loosely based is the way to put it. But it was still funny.
And don’t forget, trailers for “Greg the Bunny”, “Jeffrey Ross: No Offense” and an ad for “getback.com”. Now please put your trays in an upright position.
By the way, were they trying to tell me something with this DVD? The back cover claims it comes with two 3D glasses… mine only came with one. What are these people suggesting?
Nudity. Late Sixties nudity. If that excites you, than by all means check this out. Just don’t bother listening to the dialogue and put on some music instead. The women are attractive but there is absolutely no substance to this film. And yes, it is kind of neat to see the 3D effects, but after awhile it gets hard on the eyes. This is really only worth recommending for… I really can’t think of a good reason because there is plenty of nudity out there that is much more enticing than this. Although the lesbian sex scene was kind of bizarre and kinky. Are you ready for take off?