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THE WIND
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Michael Mongillo

Starring:
Carolyn Camburn
Philipp Karner
Zeke Rippy

Movie:  
star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
On today's episode of When Insipid Art School Movies Pretend to be Horror Films And Inflict Such Bodily Harm On Innocent Audiences, our temptress with the subtlety of a sledge hammer convinces three cosmically immature guys suffering from severe homoerotic overtones to kill a poor shlub for no reason whatsoever. And we will never understand why a trite little woodsy drama is meant to foretell the END OF THE WORLD!!! Oh and the moral of this story folks....wind is very scary.
Is it good movie?
A huge resounding no on all accounts. This movie is like watching a three hour experimental art school 'video' filled with nothing but still shots of trees set to Scandinavian metal music. Add to that the fact that it's story and plot are both about as deep as the shallow end of whatever chlorinated gene pool director Mongillo dredged his actors out of, and you've got what has to be the ultimate stinker of the year. It truly is sad when a movie is so bad that you can't even make fun of it anymore.

This bomb opens up on a promising note, telling us that the events we are about to witness herald the end of the world. What in the name of all that's good and unholy does any of this melodramatic, self-absorbed horsecrap have to do with anything that could be considered even remotely apocalyptic? Colour me dumb, but I'm at a loss. And as if the lack of any 'end of the world' shenanigans at all is a disappointment, the rest of the movie is just as bad. The acting is atrocious on a high school drama club level, the plot is as pointless as the writing, the relationships are two-dimensional and poorly handled, the cinematography is boring and amateurish, and finally the entire flick is so pretentous and mindless that seveal times I thought about shooting myself in the foot just to make it more entertaining.

I've done my penance in film school, and I like to think that I can recognize hyper-pretentous art school "video" pap when I see it. This is the type of embarassing movie one would find online in droves on any self-promotion site. It's almost impossible to look at the plot of the movie, because sadly there is none worth mentioning, and in the end the flick does not go anywhere. The female lead (who is neither beguiling nor beautiful enough to inspire me to kill for her) manipulates the boneheaded guys in this film with a complete lack of skill, subtlety and cunning. A brainless script leaves us with nothing to work with. And the pseudo-cryptic opening and pathetic attempts at atmosphere are, by the end, unfullfilled, leaving the audience abused and angry. There even came a point when I stopped laughing at the movie and just prayed for it to be over.

On a plus note, however, the woods looked gorgeous despite the crappy camera work. Which is good, because when the majority of the movie takes place in the woods, they should at least be pretty. Not scary in the least, but pretty. Reading that this movie won two, if not more, festival awards is baffling. The competition must have been pathetic at both the Shriekfest and Bare Bones festivals for this dvd turd to win best picture, or possibly the judges were made up of the same deluded art school kids that are filing out of film schools today. It really does make me weep for the genre. With so many quality indie flicks coming out these days, tripe like this is inexcusable. Fangoria called it "horrific" and it is, but only as an example of piss poor filmmaking on a cosmic scale.

Apocalypse....give me a break!
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen - 1.66:1.

Audio: English (Dolby Digital) and subtitles in Spanish.
The Extras
And the hits just keep on coming! We are ungraciously treated to an Audio Commentary that honestly I couldn't listen to more than a few minutes of, which was the same for the Behind The Scenes Featurette. The idea that anyone involved in this movie could be proud of their accomplishment is beyond me. A pox on ye all! There are also some forgetable Trailers, and the inclusion of Interactive Menus and Scene Selection in the special features. These are not features, folks, just the last gasp of a movie that has nothing else to offer.
Last Call
Painfully bad on a level I can't even begin to describe (but I will anyway), The Wind is a forgetable and amateurish movie that inspires nothing in the watcher except the desire for self mutilation. I'm thoroughly stumped as to how this steaming pile of shit won two festival awards, and one of them at the Shriekfest festival no less. Awards for directing, script writing and best picture baffle me retarded. Must be a case of localized blindness and diminished IQ's. I couldn't even tell that there was a script!

Thank you, Mr. Mongillo, for fueling my day with rage for such an insipid movie. My recomendation? Stick to comics, bud. And to everyone else....avoid this one like a terminal STD.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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