THE WORST HORROR MOVIE EVER MADE
Reviewed by: Ryan Doom
What's it about
Judging from the title, itís not hard to assume what the movie entails: violence, bad jokes, no plot, and nudity. Lots of it.
Is it good movie?
Sometimes one can judge a book by its cover. Yes, every so often you pick up something and just know by the cover exactly what itís about. With The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made, the title doesnít kid. In fact, it is just as bad, if not far worse than imaginable. Everything Ė from the acting, directing, writing, and effects Ė all emerge unwatchable. The film attempts for B level camp, but it falls short. Like length of Grand Canyon short. Nothing makes sense and if actor/writer/director Bill Zebub believed heís witty/funny/creative, Iím afraid not. Listen, I know he attempts to create satire here (he even gives a very long message at the start of the film explaining what you are about to watch), but if that is the attempt, perhaps I need a re-fresher English course as to the meaning of satire. Wait, no. I teach English and I know this isnít satire. No wit exists. No intelligence. No creativity. No irony. If Jonathan Swift managed to disgust with A Modest Proposal in the late 1700ís with a plan to save Ireland by eating babies and make a point, than Zebub could have made a subtle social commentary doing the opposite of what he did. Instead, The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made attempts for failed witty humor. Thereís so many sex jokes and attempted racial humor that one canít help but feel queasy; and yes, I realize that was the intent, but I didnít feel it for reaction to the material. More like the awkwardness of the attempt.
Iíd be happy to share a plot summary, but no real plot exists. It starts with a seedy card game, where an aging rocker and his girlfriend play strip poker with apparent strippers and another rocker. As the girls decide they need a break, an axe murderer appears in the bathroom and kills them one at a time in an unfunny and unintelligible way. Actually, Iím going to stop there because nothing makes any sense as the man and woman go on the run, encountering Jesus, Muslims, the army, a poop monster, vampires and I donít know what else. How does anyone summarize that?
Any saving points for The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made, you ask? Well, thereís ample female nudity and some soft-core porn if one desires such a thing. Really though, if someone really needs that, isnít that why they have Internet service? Or at least Skinamax?
Video / Audio
Audio: Not listed, but it sounded fine though donít expect this to sound like Star Wars.
Bloopers: I have to admit, never before have I encountered two hours worth of bloopers. Two hours?!? Really?? Does anyone want that much material? Did everything here need included? Perhaps 30 minutes. Maybe 45. But 120 minutes?
The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made attempts at the throne for the worst intentional film ever created; however, being the worst should never be intentional. Itís accidental (Plan Nine From Outer Space) or the right combination of cheese and gore and off-the-wall humor. This movie isnít near that level. Only watch if stuck in a hospital, nearly comatose.