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TOOTH FAIRY
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Reviewed by: Rees Savidis

Directed by: Chuck Bowman

Starring:
Lochlyn Munro
Chandra West
Steve Bacic

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
A young upstart (Lochlyn Munro) makes the mistake of opening a quaint little bed & breakfast in the very house the evil Tooth Fairy once lived in. Everything smells like sunshine and roses until the mans young daughter, visiting for opening weekend, looses her last baby tooth, thus awakening the previous tenant (said Tooth Fairy) from the fiery pits of Hell – or something like that.
Is it good movie?
I was laughed at for liking this film back when it was called Darkness Falls. Now, three years later, Anchor Bay and A-Team mastermind, Stephen J. Cannell have joined forces and delivered another take on the fable of the Tooth Fairy, aptly called: The Tooth Fairy. For those of you who have been waiting three long years for my retort for all the laughing and pointing I endured, here it is; who’s laughing now, bitches! Think what you will about Jonathan Liebesman’s 2003 effort Darkness Falls - at least it goes somewhere.

That’s the main problem I had with The Tooth Fairy; it’s so damned meandering and melodramatic, that for the most part, I felt as though I could have been watching an episode of 7th Heaven. Now I don’t need machine-gun fights or Tie-Fighters to pop my boner, but for the love of God could you at least kill someone…something…anything within the first hour? Jesus, I don’t mean to be a dick here, but this was supposed to be a horror film right? So why should I give a shit if dingleberries gets him B&B up and running in time for opening weekend? Or what about the retarded subplot concerning a pair of rednecks berating Lochlyn Munro’s estranged wife that does nothing but set-up the fact that these two clichéd throwbacks will, sooner or later (unfortunately its later), end up as fodder for The Tooth Fairy. Everything about The Tooth Fairy that was supposed to matter to me didn’t. I could not come to care about these people one bit. I just wanted them all to die - the more horrible the better.

Seems to me that Anchor Bay might be trying to take a page out of the old Full Moon handbook of “market saturation” or: throw as much shit against the wall and see what sticks! Unfortunately what Full Moon had going for it was, a: The VHS boom of the late 80’s early 90’s and, b; They were the only ones putting this shit out – they had the direct-to-video market sew-up. Nowadays every major studio has a special “video arm” set up to produce million-dollar horror-quickies; problem is, none of them are any good. When was the last time you saw a direct-to-video horror flick that got your juices flowing? Personally, I think it might have been Tremors 2 – and that was a long time ago. Jesus, Charles Band must be spinning in his grave…and he isn’t even dead yet!
Video / Audio
VIDEO: Anchor Bay delivers another bang-up video transfer here. The 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer displays deep, impenetrable blacks and eye-popping colors.

AUDIO: Even shitty movies can sound great and The Tooth Fairy in no exception. The 5.1 Dolby Digital track on this sucker rocks.
The Extras
The extras on this DVD are about as standard as they come: featurette, commentary, trailer. Here’s the (more detailed) list:

Hatchet Job: The Making of The Tooth Fairy: Ah yes, the “making of” fluff piece. Talking heads, pimping their shit as if they’re revolutionizing the genre, while clips from the film flash across the screen – breathtaking – ly – bad.

Tales of The Tooth Fairy: Cast and crew talk about their own experiences with the Tooth Fairy fable. I get what they’re going for here…but it’s still rather stupid.

Audio commentary with Director Chuck Bowman, Producer Stephen J. Cannell and star Jesse Hutch: The running theme of “mediocre at best” continues here as the three listed individuals do their damnedest to put me to sleep. Commentary’s always work better when you actually like the film in question.

The rest of the disc is rounded out with trailers for a small stack of other recent Anchor Bay turd-fests including: The Garden, Demon Hunter and Room 6.
Last Call
If you need to get your Tooth Fairy on, I’ve got two words for you: Darkness. Falls. See it again, for the first time.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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