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TRILOQUIST
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Reviewed by: Pat Torfe

Directed by: Mark Jones

Starring:
Rocky Marquette
Paydin LoPachin
Katie Chonacas
Bruce Weitz

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about

After Norbert and Angelina's mother OD's on heroin, the duo and their mom's ventriloquist dummy are taken in by a pervert uncle. Eventually, the two kids grow up, Angelina saran wraps the pervert uncle's face and she, Norbert and the dummy eventually go on a road trip to Vegas, with wacky hijinks and bodies piling up in between. Throw in a 'must pass on seed for next generation' and kidnapping plot ideas, and you truly have something the quality of sh*t.

Is it good movie?

How do I put this nicely? TRILOQUIST, the result of Mark Jones heading back to the director's chair after crafting such winners and LEPRECHAUN and RUMPELSTILTSKIN, is just what you'd expect from the director of LEPRECHAUN AND RUMPELSTILTSKIN. Pure, unadulterated crap that tries to be slapstick but is neither funny or entertaining. Some folks may have liked this, but I for one saw through the lame facade and am ready to kick puppies into oncoming traffic over it.

I guess we'll start with the characters, even though the whole lot of them are annoying as hell. Paydin LoPachin is really the one saving grace about this film, giving an energetic performance despite her character Angelina resorting to swearing like a trucker (spelt as Angelica on the back cover of the DVD case, showing you just how much Dimension loved this project). Rocky Marquette had a few lines but had to resort to facial expressions as Angelina's mute autistic brother, Norbert, which basically amounted to acting liking a moron who looks up to a dummy that's 'alive'.

Oh yes, the dummy named Dummy. Instead of thinking of Chucky from CHILD'S PLAY, think Bubbles' dummy Conky from Trailer Park Boys, only more annoying. Bruce Weitz provides the voice for Dummy, and isn't funny in the slightest with the 'jokes'. Dummy apparently is also magic, since it likes to appear behind obvious bodycount fodder for an offscreen kill without any explanation. Oh yeah, get used to seeing the aftermath of kills, since this one pussies out, whether by budget or the 'less is more' approach, which backfired.

To put up a trifecta of sorts, the film tries to make use of slapstick and comedy, but again fails to deliver. Norbert at certain points begins dancing in his cowboy outfit, which is undercranked and has the added goofy sound effects. This is not the Evil Ash jig, this is the 'infuriate not only the viewer but every autistic person who ever lived' jig. Angelina spinning Dummy around in slow motion before throwing him for saying something stupid is another winner, with Weitz's annoying voice wailing all the way.

To say that I hated this film is an understatement. Not even all the topless chicks scattered throughout the film (the only thing worth watching the film for) could make me change my mind, especially with Dummy talking all the while. Hell, with DEAD SILENCE and CHILD'S PLAY out there, why do you need to see this hack job to get your creepy doll fix? The answer, of course, is you don't.

Video / Audio

Video: The 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer is plagued by softness at certain points, affecting detail levels which become murky. Due to its low budget origins, a fine grain is also present, but isn't too noticeable (save for the black and white flashback scenes). Colours are solid for the most part, and there's no apparent edge enhancement.

Audio: Despite the Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround track being quite solid with crisp and clear dialogue, the annoying soundtrack almost overpowers it (seriously, it's really bad). Also, don't expect much action from your rear speakers, as most of the sound comes from the front.

The Extras

Surprise! Despite the startup trailers for other Dimension features ROGUE, AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION, BLACK SHEEP and MOTHER OF TEARS, there's nothing here to explain why TRILOQUIST sucks so bad. Ah well, better luck next time (or not).

Last Call

If this film was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek thing, I missed it entirely. If it were supposed to be a suspenseful horror flick about a killer doll, then I fail to see how something like this could pass as suspenseful or scary, since the only horror here is the actual movie itself. Give CHILD'S PLAY a spin, instead.

ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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