Reviewed by: Zombie Boy
What's it about
Two British dudes, one recently dumped and the other fat and inappropriate, find themselves and some lovely ladies pitted against a horde of the undead. Doesn’t sound familiar at all, does it?
Is it good movie?
Jimmy McLaren is a nice guy. So nice that he keeps taking his girlfriend back after she dumps him…six times, in fact. On the seventh strike, his chubby and vulgar friend Fletch decides that what the two of them really need is a holiday. Bereft of cash, they decide to have a nice hike, and leave the location of such to chance. In fact, Jimmy throws a dart at a map. Little does he know, it is not chance but fate that has a hold on him. Turns out he is the descendent of a long-ago knight who once dispatched a vicious vampire queen. But not before she cursed his family and the town in which she lived. Now, until the last scion (aka Jimmy) arrives, all the girls will become Sapphic vampires on their eighteenth birthday. Teamed up with a group of pretty girls they meet on the way and the crazy vicar of the village, Jimmy and Fletch must fend off the carpet-munching blood-suckers and keep them from resurrecting their evil queen.
I was with this movie in the beginning. It had a nicely camped-out prologue with the ancient McLaren tussling with the queen vamp, and a wonderful b-movie-style credit sequence. But when it comes to getting down to the meat of the story, the script was just weak and anemic (ha ha). Director Phil Claydon employs lots of gimmicks, from hyperbolic foley work to those weird quick cuts that everyone seems to love, but the only one that didn’t annoy me was the captions assimilated into their relevant scenes, ala Zombieland (though obviously predating that movie). The writers’ idea of witty dialogue is to have Fletch swear copiously, and the van full of scantily clad women with accents that ebb and flow like the tides would have been deliciously incongruent in a better spoof, such as, say, Pandemonium, but it just comes off as weak plotting in this plodding mess.
The cinematography is soft throughout, which was to either give it a comic book feel or to relate it to a Hammer or Amicus film, but it just makes the whole affair look wishy-washy. The (original) title of the film gives us the impression that we will be seeing lots of bare vampire lady breasts, but by the time that happens, the hazy focus and darkness and smoke makes it all hard to see. Don’t dangle boobs in my face and then make them difficult to see, fellas. It engenders no good will from me. James Corden and Mathew Horne, as Fletch and Jimmy, respectively, have worked together before and have decent chemistry, but that was not enough to carry their characters in the film. It isn’t funny enough, or gross enough, or campy enough to get the job done. Chalk this one up to a failed effort.
On a side note, I am irritated as hell that the US release drops the Lesbian part of the title. What the hell? The movie already has enough marks in the negative column: leave it one of the few positives that it has going for it, guys.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen presentation, and the transfer looks good, even if the photography is annoying.
Audio: Dolby 5.1, with optional Spanish and English for the deaf and hearing impairing subtitles. The soundtrack to the film is great. I was especially pleased to hear Woman by Wolfmother.
None. Not even a damned photo gallery. From the name change to the bare bones disc, it seems like they don't want anyone to buy the poor thing.
Armed with a great title (well, if you are in Europe) the movie can boast little else. The whole affair comes off as slip-shod, with the hopes of lesbian kissing and two English dudes swearing covering all the weak points. It does not have the charm that the premise suggests, and while it doesn’t outright suck, pound for pound I would just choose to watch Shaun of the Dead again rather than this one.