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WEDDING SLASHERS
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Carlos Scott

Starring:
Jessica Kinney
Ross Kelly
Kappa Victoria Wood

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Jenna (Kinney) is just a small town girl running from a mysterious past, hoping that marriage will be the key to a new life. But when her inbred clan come looking for her, murderously eliminating any and all in her wedding party so they can bring her home to marry her cousin, will any one of these really bad actors survive the hokey antics and piss-poor costuming of the Wedding Slashers! I know I almost didn't. Not even with beer.
Is it good movie?
While it has very few moments of being mildly funny and scary, the whole mess of this flick comes across as something that had a wicked concept, and could have been done quite well and with tonnes of feverish glee, but through poor directing, even worse acting and horrific editing, turned out to be a mediocre slasher that completely fails in paying homage to the great slice-n-dice films of the late 70's and early 80's.

The story by John Howard could have kick some serious ass (and I mean in a truly cool and f**ked up Devil's Rejects kind of way, that's the wasted potential here), but when it came to the script and the actual execution of the film, lots of folks dropped lots of balls. What could have been a wicked slasher romp was wrecked by poor dialogue, shoddy directing from first timer Carlos Scott, point-and-shoot camera work that looked supremely sub-par when you consider the technology available to indie filmmakers today, some of the worst acting I've seen since Attack Of The Virgin Mummies (and that's saying something), and a cast of inbred hillbilly killers who were about as menacing as the Easter Bunny on No-Doze! The costumes that the killers wore, while attempting to emulate famous slasher villians of the past, just came off as lame and pointless. We have a gas mask, a snorkling mask, some wicked swim goggles, and even a burlap sack ala "Tater-sack" Jason. Sad, I tell you. And the gore effects were nothing to write home about either, which was sad because if they had handled their blood and guts better, I could have dug the movie much more.

But it wasn't all mired in filth, folks. Jessica Kinney put in the only believable performance as the protagonist, Jenna. Too bad she didn't have more to work with. Some of the jokes were quite well done, especially the hillbilly discussion over the number of toes that each cousin has...that was great. And the entire opening sequence set 40 years in the past showed promise, with great atmosphere and taught pacing, but after the credits the rest of the movie started to stink so bad it was almost unbearable. I will say though... the inbred brother "Sock Monkey" was quite disturbing...but never capitalized on! Which I guess would be the whole theme of this movie.

I'll have to check out some of the other work by the folks involved in this mess, because I like to think that this direct to video crap was simply prey to first-time mistakes and fumbles. But if I was to go on the strengths of this film alone, I would have to say that the future does not look bright unless some serious work gets done behind and in front of the camera.
Video / Audio
Video: Widescreen - 1.66:1.

Audio: English (Dolby Digital 5.1).
The Extras
Last Call
The movie opened solidly and had a story with shitloads of potential, but then like so many indie efforts lately, it completely failed to realize any of that potential. If good stories like this were consistently handled with talent and skill, both from the director and the cast, then people wouldn't have as much excuse to crap all over the horror genre. My recommendation...skip this one, unless you want a bit of a chuckle and some really smelly cheese. Hopefully the next effort from Carlos Scott and company will be marginally better, and not require so much alcohol to erase from my memory.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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