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WOMB RAIDER
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Reviewed by: Dave Murray

Directed by: Randolph Scott

Starring:
Lauren Hays
Antoinette Abbott
Roland Lanza

Movie:  
star star star star
Extras:  
star star star
Overall:  
star star star star
What's it about
Adventurer and lesbian magnet Cara Loft (Hays) goes on a wild and sexy mission to uncover some rare sexual artifacts from the four darkest corners of the earth, and to engage in many acts of softcore lovin'. It's a fanboy's wet dream - A parody of Tomb Raider filled with tonnes of naked women, but sadly there's not a brain or a shred of creativity to be found. Really does the story matter with this much nudity? I didn't think so.
Is it good movie?
Now if only there were as many guns as there were boobs in this flick I'd have something to get excited about. Don't get me wrong, I have as much appreciation of the naked female form as any guy. I just never saw the need for softcore lesbian porn trying to an adventure film. I'll admit, I didn't know how to approach this one after watching it. Do I comment on the softcore porn angle, or the narrative film angle? So, ignoring for a moment the bountiful amount of boobs, and the cast of ultra-skinny siliconed starlettes, and the sex scenes (which really aren't that hot, which is a shame, because that would have made for a more enjoyable experience). Let's focus on the story.

You mean there was a story? Sorry, I was looking at two hot naked chicks making out.

What we have here is a parody of a multimillion dollar franchise, which I guess was of course inevitable. The tendancy for the porn world to parody more mainstream films is legendary (Pornocchio anyone, or maybe Hanibal Lickter). But director Randolph Scott managed to make a straight to DVD parody that is low on story, incoherent in its plot, and contains some of the worst acting I've ever seen, even for a softcore movie. Did I mention that all of the dialogue is badly dubbed? Talk about an ADR nightmare. There simply is no narrative drive to the flick. While the locations are nice to look at, the rest of the scenery (including the actors) is simply generic. This is the kind of movie that either A) Relies too heavily on the story of its source material so therefore has none of its own, or B) Relies on the sex scenes to carry the narrative through to the end. Sadly, it fails at every aspect of story, acting and hot sex. The actors are unconvincing (even when naked, now that's talentless), and the performances put in by leads Lauren Hays and Rolan Lanza are so laughably bad they stop being funny after only a few minutes.

And that is my final gripe about this movie. If you are going to do a parody it should at least be entertaining, you know like a funny sex-filled romp through action/comedy land. However, there are no laughs to be found, and all attempts at sexiness fall flat. This could have been so much more entertaining with better actors, a more cohesive story, and a genuine attempt to make anything beyond video dreck would have been nice.

And I just have to say....a softcore lesbian flick in this day and age without Erin Brown (AKA. Misty Mundae). Shame on you!
Video / Audio
Video: 1.33:1 Full Screen.

Audio: English (Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround).
The Extras
First off we get a trailer for the documentary about pornstar Stacey Valentine called "the Girl Next Door" which can't be skipped over, fast forwarded or ignored. Annoying. The 'Special Edition' of this flick has a forgettable Behind The Scenes Featurette, a Photo Gallery, a Trailer and finally trailers for On-Line, Wasabi Tuna, Gory Gory Hellelujah and Always Say Goodbye.
Last Call
While more compelling and entertaining that those two turds with Angelina Jolie in them, Womb Raider still falls flat due to horrible active, shitty camera work, a non-existent story and a lack of sexiness where it was needed the most. If you take it for what it is - a parody of a lame movie, which is based off of a video game, which itself is a rip-off of Indiana Jones (but with boobs, don't forget), you might just be entertained. I wasn't. So I can't recommend this one. Bad movie, even by the shoddy standards of the genre it's a part of.
ARROW IN THE HEAD'S RATING SYSTEM
star star star star I'D BUTCHER MY FAMILY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
star star star HANG ME BUT I DUG IT A LOT
star star AN OK WAY TO KILL TWO HOURS
star JUST SLING AN ARROW IN MY HEAD AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE

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