Tiff sayz: Happy Halloween my lil goblins, ghouls, ghosts and gophers! This is seriously the best time of year, next to Christmas and Kwanza .This is the time of year that you can let out your inner-freakness by wearing a banana costume or dressing as a chick or by wearing a serial killer mask and actually going out and killing people! You can put razors in candies so lil children that toilet paper your house get a lil extra surprise with that now not so laffy taffy. Or you can just sit at home and watch the many awesome Tiffany Shepis movies that are great for Halloween like “The Hazing”, “Tromeo and Juliet”, or “Nympha”. Whatever you decide to do I’m sure it’ll be fun cause EVERYTHING is better on Halloween. Well except this column, can’t really help this. READ!
Kevin asks: Hello Tiffany, my question is, what are you planning to do on this Halloween?
Tiff Sayz: YO Big Kev!!! This Halloween I will be hanging, partying and signing crap at the Chiller theatre convention in NJ. It’s a pretty dope convention/collectable show…that’s well known for it’s odd variety of guests and insane amount of alcohol consumption. I will be sporting my super sexy evil Bat-Girl get up, but am in much need of a severed Batman head (the bloodier the better) and Bat-a-rang to go with it, can’t find one anywhere…what the hell???
So here is my offer to you Mr. Kevin or any of you other crazy psychos reading this. Come out to Chiller Theatre this weekend and bring me one or both of these items and you will get (drum roll please)… a super crappy, completely worthless prize pack autographed by….wait for it, ... somebody!!! So to answer your question Kevin, I’m planning on having a bunch of cocktails with a bunch of horror nerds (like myself) while wearing my Bat-Girl costume and hopefully throwing a Bat-a-rang at unsuspecting strangers.
Rory asks: Ms. Shepis: My friend Jerry is shy, so I am asking this question on his behalf. Just exactly how DO you f*ck in the back seat of a Tiburon?
Tiff Sayz: Dear Rory, I’m not certain about a Tiburon for I’ve never been lucky enough to have such a romantic evening in such a beast of a vehicle. However when folks DO lure me in to the plush back seat of that 1997 dodge ram or that 2001 Suzuki Areo all they have to do is sing or play this song and I’m like puddy in their hands.
How can a chick not feel sexy and loved after hearing such a charming masterpiece like this? Oh btw if you have no stereo in your car-just rap or sing in key note G or perhaps find these kids and bring them with you.
Peter asks: Hi! My question, Ms Shepis, is what kind of horror movie gets to you? Is it the slashers that give you chills, or ghostlies, or creature features? By the way, I like your work.
Tiff Sayz: Thanks Peter. I like my work too. Glad to know we have so much in common, if you liked pizza I’d say we should f*ck. That being said, what gets to me? I’m kind of afraid of ghosts a bit I think. I mean I watch serial killer movies and I get creeped out and maybe even double check my door but I’m totally not loosing any sleep over Ed Gein or Zodiac (best movie ever btw) knocking on my door.
Creature features don’t scare me at all as a matter of fact. I find Big Foot pretty f*cking hot and Creature from the Black Lagoon is very, very do-able. Ghosts on the other hand are some tricky, scary, creepy motherf*ckers. They hide but then show up in pictures…they move shit around…they slam doors, open blinds, make weird sounds, if you believe some movies they can even drag you out of bed OR take over your body.. NOW THAT’S SOME F*CKED UP SHIT!
I can fight a serial killer, I can trap, shoot and kill Abominable snow men but how the f*ck do you kill a ghost??? EXACTLY there is no answer unless you have Bill Murray and well even then I’m not sure he’d stand a chance against the modern day ghost (80’s ghosts were nicer). From what I understand ghosts sometimes just like to watch you …like some peeping tom shit. So not only are ghosts sneaky, annoying, invisible, and sometime mean as f*ck but they’re also creeper-peepers... ewwwww! So no ghosts for me, no sir, no way. Speaking of ghosts I took a picture of what looks like a ghostly orb thingy while on a trip to an abandoned supposedly haunted high school. Pimp that shit.
Tiff sayz: Well… now we know where I’ll be this weekend if any of you want to wear a serial killer mask and try to kill me, I say bring it bitches! I’ll house you if I have a Bat-a-rang. We learned the romantic song that can get a gals juices flowing enough to “F*ck you in the back seat”, and we learned about the creepiness of ghosts. All fascinating stuff….really I’m serious. HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHES!