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Ask/Scream Queen #8

09.17.2009by: The Arrow



E-MAIL YOUR QUESTIONS TO TIFFANY HERE

Tiff sayz: Welcome back faithful readers! Oh how I missed both of you. I’ve thought about you and this column all week long and woo-hoo now we’re here, together once again. Now I can sit, relax, sip a glass of wine and rejoice!!!! So while I’m doing that read this shit and love it. Or don’t and then sit back take your dick in one hand and a 45 in the other and shoot yourself in the face. Now that’s entertainment!!!!!!!

Jason asks: In the cannon of cock-tease, "late-night" horror flicks, there's always a forecast of sex with a side of muff-diving. For example, your smokin' performance in "Hoodoo for Voodoo". You and your lovely friend decided to go clam diving, and God love ya for it. Now since all things worth sporting a massive, Shepis-seeking-torpedo over are graciously covered from camera view, what EXACTLY are you doing down there? I can't imagine the director saying, "Ok, in this scene - just eat pussy. Hope you're hungry...and GO!" And like a fat dude at a buffet, you hunker down and try to French kiss your co-worker's stomach via snatch hatch. It's barely a soft-core, and to be frank, Darian Caine looks like she's tongue-slapping the lips more in those silly Seduction Cinema spoofs than you are in these. ...

So what's going on down there? Are you playing Sudoku in her pubes? Tickling her panties with your nose? Whispering a secret to the cunt demon Pillow Pants? Yawning while your co-worker enthusiastically pantomimes a wall-climbing orgasm? Is it just another day at work? I mean seriously, how am I supposed to fuck my wife and pretend she's you when in the back of my head, you're out there only pretending to have hot sex with chicks?

Tiff Sayz: Dear Douche-bag oh I mean Jason. You’re an idiot. YES I “pretend” to f*ck chicks in my movies but I also have been known to PRETEND to f*ck guys in them too. It’s called “acting” it’s a form of pretending, some people call it make-believe. Not too dissimilar to the pretending/make-believe that your wife un-doubtably performs when she feigns enjoying sex with you.

Thank God for my ability to stay in character! So let her know she is not alone in the world when she wants to puke while being f*cked by your small inadequate stick you call a penis. All she has to do is lie back moan a bit, shift around, shake and PRETEND that the scent of your fat ass isn’t making her want to projectile vomit all over your disgusting un-funny face. "Whispering a secret to the cunt demon pillow pants?” Yea I’m whispering a secret, the secret is DIVORCE JASON HE'S A FUCKING RETARD! Now go beat off to Darian Caine movies and “pretend” she’s me.

Kris asks: First of all, Nightmare Man was my favorite film out of all three Horrorfests... so glad I got to see it on the big screen! Anyways, everybody knows and is excited about you starring alongside Linnea Quigley in the upcoming Night of the Demons remake... so is there a chance of you teaming up with any other scream queens from days past in the near future? I'm thinking specifically Barbara Crampton here, to complete an '80s set (along with Quigley)... but could we maybe also hope for the likes of a Jamie Lee Curtis? I mean after all, everyone loves a good horror tag-team match whether it's Freddy vs. Jason, Godzilla vs. Mothra, etc. ...

Tiff Sayz: Thanks Kris! Yea “Nightmare Man” was a fun movie to make, thanks for watching. I am very excited about the upcoming “Night of the Demons” as well…even if it is just a cameo along side the great Linnea. As for teaming up with other scream queens…I would love to. When “Devils Pies” was “in production” (still haven’t made that thing) I was going to have an entire bar scene with Linnea, Jewel Shepard, Brink Stevens, Debbie Rochon, Monique Parent etc…well that was the plan anyway.

Movie hasn’t happened yet but you bet your ass when it does I’m gonna chuck that bitch full of scream queens old AND new, f*ck I’ll ever throw some dead ones in there!!!;) As for a tag team, that’s a pretty dope idea like Me and Brinke vs. the world. Or me and D-Ro vs. the midgets. Or me and Jewel Sheppard vs. the stalkers. Or maybe me and 17 clones of me vs. the aliens!!! LOVE IT! Thanks for the dope idea, buy that shit when it comes out, you’ll get a special thanks!

Sam asks: Hi tiffany Jesus, you're hot. in Nightmare Man and The Hazing you made my pants way too tight. but I digress...so, I am sort of friends with Jewel Shepherd, not in a real life sort of way though we met once and I am friends with her online and we IM sometimes. I was wondering, if I could arrange it, would you be down for a threesome? I am sort of hot. Just ask her. I'd spring for beer and party favors.

Tiff Sayz: YES YES YES SAM! I will totally have a threesome with you and Jewel. I can’t wait!!! Yes please bring the party favors, condoms and beer. I like Corona or Stella actually f*ck-it- to have a chance to be with you I’ll even drink Bud. As for the party favors I like noise makers... actually we will be in such ecstasy that I don’t think we’ll need noise makers, there will be plenty of noise coming from that hotel room! Ok so bring the Bud, yourself and the condoms cause you know we have to be safe…oh wait forget that too-just bare-back that shit!! I’m sure you’re disease free.

Gosh- why on earth would I want to put a piece of rubber between my kitty cat and your hard smooth man meat? Ok so just bring the Bud and your “hot” self. I’ll bring Jewel. Where are you coming from cause I can’t let you buy your own plane ticket…I mean this is a once in a life time opportunity. I get to f*ck both you AND Jewel????? Holy cow there is no price tag large enough to keep me away from that orgy. Shit I just thought of something, do you think me and Jewel can pleasure a beast of a man such as yourself? I mean maybe I can bring my hot 21 year old sister too…after all I don’t want you to be un-satisfied. I’m soooooooooooooooooooooo excited, I’m actually wet just typing this. WOO-HOO!

Ok so here’s the deal. Send me your pay-pal account info and I’ll send you some cash for the plane ticket, hell I’ll even pay YOU for this f*ck-fest! So meet me and Jewel and my hot 21 year old sister at 4pm on Sept 31st (YES THIS YEAR). We will be at the Holiday Inn in Boise Idaho in room 1696. 4pm. I hope you don’t mind if we get started without you I want the girls primed and ready for action when you arrive. See you soon Sammy, God I can’t wait. *Kisses* Here is the address 3300 Vista Ave.Boise, ID 83705, (208) 343-4900

Wow what a group of questions. What have we learned you ask. Well we learned lots. We learned that Jason really thinks that his wife likes fucking him…bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, we learned that I’m hoping to team up with scream queens to fight of alien midget stalkers and that I’m totally going to meet AND fuck some “hot” dude named Sam on Sept 31st. LUCKY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Til next time….Peace out bitches- The Shep

E-MAIL YOUR QUESTIONS TO TIFFANY HERE

VISIT TIFFANY'S OFFICIAL SITE HERE

Source: AITH

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10:53PM on 09/17/2009

LMFAO

Guys, guys, guys! SERIOUSLY, folks let's unbunch the panties. First of all, I think it's HILARIOUS that the raunchy-ass question that *I* asked with my tongue planted FIRMLY in my cheek is turning to many so-called "men" into whiny, message-board weeping bitches! I asked a stupid, chain-jerking question, and got the Shep-smack I 100% wanted and expected! She does this EVERY WEEK! It's what the fucking column is about! Ask something outrageous, get an outrageous response! She dissed the SHIT out
Guys, guys, guys! SERIOUSLY, folks let's unbunch the panties. First of all, I think it's HILARIOUS that the raunchy-ass question that *I* asked with my tongue planted FIRMLY in my cheek is turning to many so-called "men" into whiny, message-board weeping bitches! I asked a stupid, chain-jerking question, and got the Shep-smack I 100% wanted and expected! She does this EVERY WEEK! It's what the fucking column is about! Ask something outrageous, get an outrageous response! She dissed the SHIT out of me, and it's fucking hilarious!

The ONLY thing funnier than The Shep telling me what's up, is that someone with the name "STAYING FROSTY" with an image of some homo from a WENDY'S COMMERCIAL is actually taking the time check back periodically throughout the day, to see if someone would respond to his tear-jerking rants!

Dude...grow a pair, would ya? The column is a weekly bar room elbow in the ribs from a chick who not only takes it, but dishes it right back. It's funny! If that's offensive to you, throw on some NSYNC, jump under the fucking blanket with your cell phone cam, and post a Chris Crocker weep-fest on YouTube like all the other sensitive "boys" out there.
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5:25PM on 09/17/2009

Darian Caine Rocks!!!

Just wanted to "shout out" the "shout out".

I like this cloumn. Its dumb, but fun.
Tiffany Shepis is doing really good for herself in the tough entertainment biz.

Keep up the good work Tiff.
Just wanted to "shout out" the "shout out".

I like this cloumn. Its dumb, but fun.
Tiffany Shepis is doing really good for herself in the tough entertainment biz.

Keep up the good work Tiff.
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1:15PM on 09/17/2009

Maybe...

You can divide it into two Scream Queen columns.
One for those who's interested in the insider's look on B-, C-, Z- horror movies, rumors, and general thoughts by classy girl Tiffany.
The second one with gang bang and salad tossing questions shall be continued. Tiffany is an actress, she can handle both. Food for brains, food for hands.
And, my fellow ass-loving The Arrow, is it any possibility to have an additional column with the one and only Erin Brown and her alter ego Misty Mundae?
You can divide it into two Scream Queen columns.
One for those who's interested in the insider's look on B-, C-, Z- horror movies, rumors, and general thoughts by classy girl Tiffany.
The second one with gang bang and salad tossing questions shall be continued. Tiffany is an actress, she can handle both. Food for brains, food for hands.
And, my fellow ass-loving The Arrow, is it any possibility to have an additional column with the one and only Erin Brown and her alter ego Misty Mundae?
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1:48PM on 09/17/2009
my main beef with the column, is that I have written in before, asking legitemit questions, but they seem to be filtered out, for questions that have nothing to do with film.... it's turning into, who can top who with the quetions, and how can tiff top the gutter response....
my main beef with the column, is that I have written in before, asking legitemit questions, but they seem to be filtered out, for questions that have nothing to do with film.... it's turning into, who can top who with the quetions, and how can tiff top the gutter response....
4:41PM on 09/17/2009
Send your questions again Staying Frosty, sometimes shit goes in SPAM folders and such.
Send your questions again Staying Frosty, sometimes shit goes in SPAM folders and such.
+2
12:23PM on 09/17/2009

Funny Shit!

This column gets better and better everyweek. I don't see where all this hate's coming from--but while we're on the subject, take a look at the questions! Tiff's responses are exactly what they should be to questions like those! If you want to see "straight up" answers, maybe take a stab and asking "straight up" questions. Otherwise, just sit tight and enjoy the ride! It's funny! Lighten up!
This column gets better and better everyweek. I don't see where all this hate's coming from--but while we're on the subject, take a look at the questions! Tiff's responses are exactly what they should be to questions like those! If you want to see "straight up" answers, maybe take a stab and asking "straight up" questions. Otherwise, just sit tight and enjoy the ride! It's funny! Lighten up!
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+1
11:37AM on 09/17/2009

Lovin' it!

Tiff's brand of humor isn't for everybody, no doubt, but I think she fits in pretty damn well with the AITH crew! (Hopefully I'll mean that literally one day... ;)
Tiff's brand of humor isn't for everybody, no doubt, but I think she fits in pretty damn well with the AITH crew! (Hopefully I'll mean that literally one day... ;)
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11:56AM on 09/17/2009
its not humor...
its not humor...
12:15PM on 09/17/2009
To us it is.
To us it is.
1:45PM on 09/17/2009
making fun of someones supposive sex life with their wife, is funny? Vulgartiy can be funny... but vulagarity just for vulgarities sake, isn't... well, atleast to me... again, i just feel this is below you guys... specially considering how well the main page at Joblo handles stuff...
making fun of someones supposive sex life with their wife, is funny? Vulgartiy can be funny... but vulagarity just for vulgarities sake, isn't... well, atleast to me... again, i just feel this is below you guys... specially considering how well the main page at Joblo handles stuff...
4:35PM on 09/17/2009
This is Arrow in the Head, not JoBlo.com. Below us? I compare movies to blow jobs! This is a site that loves gore, tits and ass. You think vulgarity is beneath us. You're wrong. We swear like sailors on leave man : )

Look, we can do this all day but the bottom line is the same: you don't dig it - fine - don't read it - the column is very popular - lots of people like it - its ONE column on the site - that's life - lets move on.
This is Arrow in the Head, not JoBlo.com. Below us? I compare movies to blow jobs! This is a site that loves gore, tits and ass. You think vulgarity is beneath us. You're wrong. We swear like sailors on leave man : )

Look, we can do this all day but the bottom line is the same: you don't dig it - fine - don't read it - the column is very popular - lots of people like it - its ONE column on the site - that's life - lets move on.
10:09AM on 09/17/2009

thanks arrow!

I find her responses hilarious. and if tiff doesn't make sense sometimes, i'd like to think she is too drunk or hungover to function properly. keep up the great work tiff! kudos!
I find her responses hilarious. and if tiff doesn't make sense sometimes, i'd like to think she is too drunk or hungover to function properly. keep up the great work tiff! kudos!
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10:03AM on 09/17/2009

If you dont like it, dont read it.

Hey guys if you don't like this column just don't read the column simple as that. Some people dig it (me included, I think its funny), some dont. That's life. As we all know humor is highly subjective...:)
Hey guys if you don't like this column just don't read the column simple as that. Some people dig it (me included, I think its funny), some dont. That's life. As we all know humor is highly subjective...:)
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10:06AM on 09/17/2009
I hear you brother, but I truly feel this column demeans the site and takes away from its forward movement. You guys are better than this.
I hear you brother, but I truly feel this column demeans the site and takes away from its forward movement. You guys are better than this.
11:31AM on 09/17/2009
To me, I try to get alot of people to come to your site to check out the news, and the insight, but when stuff like this plastered on the front page, it makes the site seem low brow. I guess I'm just expecting more from you guys, more then pandering to some girl with a gutter mouth. The stuff you do Arrow, is funny, the Booze talking articles are funny. This scream queen stuff has nothing to do with movies, and is getting more degrading every time. You guys are better then this.
To me, I try to get alot of people to come to your site to check out the news, and the insight, but when stuff like this plastered on the front page, it makes the site seem low brow. I guess I'm just expecting more from you guys, more then pandering to some girl with a gutter mouth. The stuff you do Arrow, is funny, the Booze talking articles are funny. This scream queen stuff has nothing to do with movies, and is getting more degrading every time. You guys are better then this.
+1
9:59AM on 09/17/2009
I agree with Frosty. This shit holds no redeeming value whatsoever. And not to be a dick, but your scream queen would be doing herself a favor if she learned the basics of the English language and how to appropriately use it in the written form.
I agree with Frosty. This shit holds no redeeming value whatsoever. And not to be a dick, but your scream queen would be doing herself a favor if she learned the basics of the English language and how to appropriately use it in the written form.
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9:13AM on 09/17/2009

Lame

These articles are getting worse. I was hoping that somehow, these q/a sessions would have got better, but somehow, they've gotten worse. I will be skipping #9 and so forth from now on. I have no idea how anyone finds this girl (yes, a girl) mouth funny... time to grow up
These articles are getting worse. I was hoping that somehow, these q/a sessions would have got better, but somehow, they've gotten worse. I will be skipping #9 and so forth from now on. I have no idea how anyone finds this girl (yes, a girl) mouth funny... time to grow up
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+1
7:06AM on 09/17/2009
What a deliciously malicious creature... Then again you guys get what you deserve for your sex-oriented questions. Maybe you should try flowers and a bottle of champagne next time? Personally I don't know if I want to marry Tiff or knock her out, lol. And I guess that's the point.
What a deliciously malicious creature... Then again you guys get what you deserve for your sex-oriented questions. Maybe you should try flowers and a bottle of champagne next time? Personally I don't know if I want to marry Tiff or knock her out, lol. And I guess that's the point.
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