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CAN: A Trucker Cap in Cannes

05.20.2005by: The Arrow


I decided to purchase a “trucker cap” just before hitting Cannes with the full intent of wearing it for the whole of the trip (my ode to Lincoln Hawk from OVER THE TOP, if you will). Thus far I've only had to remove it once for the LAND OF THE DEAD red carpet premiere, but apart from that, this experiment of truck head-gear VS. the holier-than-thou-cause-I-got-coin, has been a success. Here are 6 things I got out of it!

There was & is only one trucker cap in the town of Cannes right now…it is MINE! -- John Fallon aka The Arrow

You see that cap? Yes? No? Well...it sees you!

1) Press is not welcome at advance screenings for buyers, especially if that press member proudly wears a Trucker Cap. I can understand where they don’t want a possible “bad buzz” to leak out before locking their distribution and don’t want a cap-wearing goon among the suits in the screening room.

At the same time, no need to treat me like your bitch's bitch's whore because a Trucker Cap rests snuggly on my noggin. I’ll remember you when the time comes for you to approach me with requests of promotional assistance on your obscure and possibly AWFUL film. The Cap doesn’t forget!

2) Walking the streets of Cannes with a Trucker Cap on one's head evokes 3 reactions out of French people: A) Look at that clown, is the circus in town?! B) I'm scared of that cap let me cross the street! C) With a big cap like that, he must "baise bien". The latter is my favorite of course.

3) The Phonies in Cannes are very easy to discern from the True Players. The Phonies wear Wal-Mart suits, home-made tans (via that self-tanning cream that makes you look like a carrot) and always look like they’re talking to themselves on their “rent a cell for a buck” cell phones. With that said, The Players will totally ignore a guy in a Trucker Cap-- I’m below bird poop to these guys. On some level, I respect them for it.

Fill her up and check under the hood!
Got a long ways to go amigo!

The Phonies on the other hand will look the Trucker Cap up and down while smirking in disdain…forgetting that the cap can easily smash their numb-skulls in the asphalt wall of the hotel. All the money and ego in the world can’t save you from the Hat's fury... food for thought…

4) Girls, women, daughters, mothers, rich, poor…LOVE the Trucker Cap. I think it’s the bad-boy mystique at play. Not only is that Trucker Cap such a foreign sight within Cannes, hence it's enticing, but it's also probably more stimulating than the Q-Tip for midgets found in their husbands/boyfriends/fathers’ satin pants.

5) If ordering a beer on a terrace while wearing a Trucker Cap, they will ask you to pay right off the bat where the "Monsieur" with the tux and the plastic wife can run up a bill till the cows come home to become "Hambourgeois". Trucker cap no likey that! Waiter gets no tip...just the finger.

6) Girls who serve drinks in the American Pavilion love the Trucker Cap and the Trucker Cap loves, loved and will love them for it…a lot! Only American dolls can fully appreciate the beauty and class of a Cap that one usually wears whilst driving a Truck. USA! USA! USA!

In conclusion, you can own a BMW, a Rolex, a silicone wife, a house in Aspen and have millions in the bank, but that doesn’t put you above the regular Joes who are glued to their Trucker Caps. At the end of the day, for all the money one has, it can't protect you from a Trucker Cap putting his fist into your snotty face or seducing your "Valium addicted" daughter/wife/house pet. That's just a variable of life that is too often overlooked. I hope that this story has put things in perspective for you all...VIVA LA TRUCKER CAP!

My friend, my confidant, my Trucker Cap...how I cherish thee...



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