CAN: A Trucker Cap in Cannes

Last Updated on July 28, 2021

A TRUCKER CAP IN CANNES

I
decided to purchase a
“trucker cap” just before hitting Cannes with the full intent of wearing it
for the whole of the trip (my ode to Lincoln Hawk from OVER THE TOP, if you will). Thus far I’ve only had to remove it once for the
LAND OF THE DEAD
red carpet premiere, but apart from that, this experiment of truck
head-gear VS. the holier-than-thou-cause-I-got-coin, has been a
success. Here are 6 things I got out of it!

There was
& is only one trucker cap in the town of Cannes right now…it is
MINE! — John Fallon aka The Arrow

You see that cap? Yes? No? Well…it sees you!

1) Press
is not welcome at advance screenings for buyers, especially if that press member
proudly wears a Trucker Cap. I can
understand where they don’t want a possible “bad buzz” to leak out before
locking their distribution and don’t want a cap-wearing goon among the suits
in the screening room.

At the same time, no need to
treat me like your bitch’s bitch’s whore because a Trucker Cap rests snuggly on my
noggin. I’ll remember you when the time comes for you to approach me with
requests of promotional assistance on your obscure and possibly AWFUL film. The Cap
doesn’t forget!

2)
Walking the streets of Cannes with a Trucker Cap on one’s head evokes 3
reactions out of French people: A) Look at that clown, is the circus in
town?! B) I’m
scared of that cap let me cross the street! C) With a big cap like
that, he must “baise
bien”. The latter is my favorite of course.

3)
The Phonies in Cannes are very easy to discern from the True Players. The
Phonies wear Wal-Mart suits, home-made tans (via that self-tanning cream that
makes you look like a carrot) and always look like they’re talking to
themselves on their “rent a cell for a buck” cell phones. With that said,
The Players will totally ignore a guy in a Trucker Cap– I’m below bird poop to
these guys. On some level, I respect them for it.

Fill her up and check under the hood!
Got a long ways to go amigo!

The Phonies on the other
hand will look the Trucker Cap up and down while smirking in disdain…forgetting
that the cap can easily smash their numb-skulls in the asphalt wall of the hotel. All
the money and ego in the world can’t save you from the Hat’s fury… food for
thought…

4)
Girls, women, daughters, mothers, rich, poor…LOVE the Trucker
Cap.
I think it’s the bad-boy mystique at play. Not only is that Trucker Cap such a
foreign sight within Cannes, hence it’s enticing, but it’s also probably more
stimulating than the Q-Tip for midgets found in their husbands/boyfriends/fathers’ satin
pants.

5)
If ordering a beer on a terrace while wearing a Trucker
Cap, they
will ask you to pay right off the bat where the “Monsieur” with the tux and the
plastic wife can run up a bill till the cows come home to become "Hambourgeois". Trucker
cap no likey that! Waiter gets no tip…just the finger.

6)
Girls who serve drinks in the American Pavilion love the Trucker
Cap and the Trucker Cap loves, loved and will love them for it…a lot! Only
American dolls can fully appreciate the beauty and class of a Cap that one usually
wears whilst driving a Truck. USA! USA! USA!

In conclusion, you can
own a BMW, a Rolex, a silicone wife, a house in Aspen and have millions
in the bank, but that doesn’t put you above the regular Joes who are glued to
their Trucker Caps. At the end of the day, for all the money one has, it can’t
protect you from a Trucker Cap putting his fist into your snotty face or seducing
your “Valium addicted” daughter/wife/house pet. That’s just a variable of life that is too often
overlooked. I hope that this story has put things in perspective for you
all…VIVA LA TRUCKER CAP!

My friend, my confidant, my Trucker Cap…how I cherish
thee…