CAN: Tales of a B. Cap.

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

Once
upon a time in 2006, I purchased a Trucker Cap for my highly anticipated (by
nobody but me) attendance to the CANNES FILM FESTIVAL. The reaction to
the trucker cap was astounding and you can read all about that here. 

This year,
2008, I decided to go a “different” way and get “a baseball
cap”. The reaction to it was just as astounding, if not more so than
the attention my old faithful (and now used up beyond recognition) trucker cap.
Here are four “TRUE STORY” tales having to do with my cap and its
adventures in CANNES.

FOUR TALES OF A BASEBALL CAP IN CANNES

1- The baseball cap will get you at the shi-shi-poo-poo main CANNES
SCREENING ROOM gate, but it but wont get you pass the screening room guards who
loathe the cap, even if it has a high priority press pass in tow. Why? Maybe
they were sexually violated by hoodlum caps when younger, who knows. So, those
said guards wouldn’t let the cap in the screening even though the film had yet
to begin and that by their own admission, there was still room left in the
theatre.

The baseball cap calls that “a-hole behavior”. Power tripping over
their position of power due to their small penises hidden snuggly in their
“my mommy hemmed them” pants. It should be said, that Police Officers
eventually came to harass the cap when it wouldn’t back down from the douche
guards. To serve and protect they say; the cap eventually called it a night, said “thx
for the help officers” in a sarcastic tone and went on its merry way. The cap
lost that one… but after all, it is solely a cap… hence it didn’t give a
shit.

The cap and its lowly owner at a bar.

2- One night the baseball cap walked up to a doorman at a pub. The
doorman was African, French and DEMANDED that the baseball cap remove itself
from its owner’s head before entering the premises. The cap concurred and removed
itself from the melon and waltzed inside to see… 10 or so black men wearing baseball
caps. Hence the baseball cap hopped back on the owners head where it damn
belonged.

That’s until the initial doormen waltzed on back and in and noticed the cap
back on the melon and asked it AGAIN to step off that head. The cap, annoyed at
this point still tried to be political about it while retaining its balls, so it
said: “have everybody else remove their caps and I will step down”.
The doorman would have none of that and was adamant as to his demand be fulfilled.
The cap then put this out there; “is it because my owner is white that you
loathe me resting on his head?”. The doormen lost his beans until another
doormen walked up to find out what was happening – once the story was told to
the other gent – the
cap stayed on the head and victory was achieved.

The cap taking in the sun with its owner at a “Pavilion”

3- One fateful night the baseball cap was sitting on a terrace at a
small bar having drinks with friends. The staff present didn’t think much of the
cap and gave out dirty looks to it and poor service i.e. – the cap having to
suck its own dick backwards to get a f*cking drink. But that’s until the cap began to get a lot of attention from the ladies. They loved it!
The days that followed, at the same bar, with the same waiters, the cap not only
got its drink swiftly (without even asking for it – the waiter remembered what
the cap liked), it also got free chips/peanuts and even a complimentary drink.
The lesson was; the humbled staff  underestimated the cap, looked down at it,
but once they saw the light as to its power they knew that respect was due…
therefore respect was given..

4- During the Festival, the cap liked to soak in some sun at a
“particular” Pavilion (that will remain nameless). Every other day,
the cap entered and was looked up and down in utter disgust by the high brow madam
who ran the Pavilion. On one day, two high profiled gentlemen bumped into the
cap within that same Pavilion. The dame that ran the place noticed that the cap
was speaking to these powerful gentlemen that could most likely buy her, her daughter
and her dog and give them to the cap for it to have its way with their varied orifices.
After the occurrence, when the cap entered that Pavilion on other days, it was
greeted with a smile by that same madam, shown to a table, given an umbrella when one was not
present at that said table – the cap was esteemed- as it should’ve been in the first
place.

The cap and a friend! Cap says: keep rocking Julia!

LONG LIVE THE BASEBALL CAP!