“Mary Elizabeth Winstead”
There’s something to be said about a smokin’ hot burnette with big brown eyes, a killer body, and a carefree attitude to boot. And lucky for the genre community as a whole, we’ve been blessed with one of the hottest burnettes ever with the graciously divine Mary Elizabeth Winstead (MEW, as known by her biggest fans), an actress who’s been the go-to chica for everything from high profile sequels, to remakes, to summer blockbusters, and even an independent project from time to time. And because it’s Christmas, what better than to dissect one of the hotties from the 2006 remake of BLACK CHRISTMAS. You’re eyes will thank me later for all the pics of MEW to follow.
MEW crashed onto the scene in a big way for horror fans as the lead role in FINAL DESTINATION 3, giving the audience a character they actually care about enough not to watch Death take out in some insanely creative way. Given, FD3 is one the worst in the series, but it’s also one of the best, thanks in part to MEW showing up her clowntown co-stars. Other MEW classics include her role as John McClane’s daughter in the action extravaganza LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, as the ultimate dream girl in the fanboy love-letter SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD, and of course, as the airhead cheerleader with the heart of gold in Quentin Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF. Now, I know there’s a following of DEATH PROOF haters out there, but I am not one of them—I f*cking love DEATH PROOF. And MEW is f*cking great it in, taking the role as an actress in a cheerleader outfit for nothing more than eye candy for the last half of the movie perfectly, you couldn’t really ask for anything more.
For those wanting to really fall in love with her though, the one to watch over and over and over again is SCOTT PILGRIM. Her big brown eyes, her short pink hair, and yes… you get to see her in a bra, which is always awesome.
Like so many queens of the screen (not sure if I’d call her a Scream Queen just yet, but she’s on her way), MEW rarely gives a lackluster performance, and yet she still has a few flicks under her belt that sit this side of sucking balls. FINAL DESTINATION 3 also makes this list because it kinda sucks, as does one of her first big movies (even before FD3), the incredible poopfest known as THE RING TWO. She’s not in it for too long and unless you’re really looking for her, you’ll likely miss her entirely. But, that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s in it, and thus must face the consequences of having such a crappy flick apart of her filmography. And for the few who actually caught it, I’m told ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE SLAYER was pretty lame… but since I haven’t seen it, I can’t comment on that too much.
But what takes the cake is unfortunately one of her biggest roles to date, as the lead scientist in THE THING (2011). Some would say this flick was set up for disaster from the second it was greenlit because who wants to see a remake of a sci-fi/horror classic that is as close to perfect as a movie can get? Nobody. But they went ahead and made it anyway, and the result was a total borefest. And I’m sorry to say, MEW was part of the problem… or at least, her character was, as she pretty much didn’t have much to do in this whatsoever, thus a boring performance was born. And since it was set in the Arctic, she was fully clothed from head to toe throughout the entire movie, which was a damn shame and a waste of some serious MEW talent.
One of the things we’ll get from a MEW role is her beautifully round face. She’s not fat (no sir, she’s anything but), however her face is more round than the majority of hot stars out there, bringing a level of uniqueness that only heightens her hotness. Her big round eyes are complimented by her round face, too, which is awesome, and she regularly sports bangs. Casting her in SCOTT PILGRIM was prefect casting as she’s the kind of girl next door that is super nice to everyone and yet almost feels unobtainable, yet… she still plays it cool and plays it like she’s not hot at all, which of course, makes her even hotter.
The other flick to showcase a classic MEW performance, or at least a classic look, is Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF. See, Tarantino knew what he was doing when he cast her in the role, so he does an excellent job of shooting her at all the hottest angles, and was even more genius by having her only piece of wardrobe be a skimpy cheerleader outfit, which is a move that is never really explained (not that it needs explanation). Plus, if you’re one with a cheerleader outfit fetish, then look no further than MEW in this movie… f*cking incredible.
It’s the holiday season and so it’s no coincidence that one of MEWs more overlooked movies it the fantastically brutal and over-the-top gory slasher flick BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006). This is the second remake under MEWs belt, but unlike THE THING, BLACK CHRISTMAS is surprisingly good… if you give it a chance. Most people are under the impression that the movie sucks because it’s a remake of such a classic slasher flick, but honestly, it’s actually pretty good! For a slasher flick set at a sorority house during Christmas, with a killer on the loose who lives inside the walls of the sorority house in question, and where all the sisters in the house are hot little bitches (MEW being one of the only ones you don’t wanna slap around), it’s a damn entertaining movie. It’s nowhere near the greatness of the original BLACK CHRISTMAS, but that doesn’t mean it has nothing to offer. Plus, the killer is extremely brutal in all of his kills… the brutality factor trumps other slasher flicks of the time. Seriously, for fans of brutal slasher flicks (but also mindlessly stupid and fun slasher flicks), look no further than MEW (with Katie Cassidy and other hotties) than BLACK CHRISTMAS.
After this past summer’s big starring role in ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER, MEW is keeping shit real by starring in a little indie flick called A GLIMPSE INSIDE THE MIND OF CHARLES SWAN III, with Charlie Sheen, Billy Murray, and a f*ckload of other people. Not a genre flick, but looks interesting none-the-less. She’s also reprising her role as Lucy McClane in A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD, where Bruce Willis is back f*ckin’ shit up with his son. Why isn’t he f*ckin’ shit up with his daughter? Or both? MEW has proven she could be pretty f*ckin’ badass when she wants to be (THE THING, SCOTT PILGRIM), so why not have her throw down in a blaze of glory next to her aging yet invincible old man? Why the f*ck not indeed.
While she hasn’t done enough genre flicks to be considered a bona fide Scream Queen, Mary Elizabeth Winstead has enough flicks under her belt to prove that she’s on her way and could easily have the title if she wants it. She’s had a few stinks and a few hits, but regardless of the movies she’s in, she always does a stand-up job as the Doe-eyed burnette with striking features, a hot bod, and that innocent (yet determined fierceness) attitude to boot. I actually met MEW on the set of FINAL DESTINATION 3 back in 2005 and she is just as smokin’ hot and nice in person as she appears to be on the big screen and that, my friends, goes a long way. I’m really lookin’ forward to see what she does next… and if she wanted to hit up the genre a few more times, I’d be more than happy about it.