The masses agreed and enjoyed our last Face-Off
that Mads Mikkelson's Hannibal Lecter was tops over Freddie Highmore's Norman Bates (although both of them absolutely kick-ass on their respective shows).
Today, however, I want to kick things off with a hearty Top o' the morning to ya! Yes, today's Face-Off happens to premier on St. Paddy's Day! With this being the number one drinker's holiday, we decided to pour ourselves a fittingly beer-soaked battle between two perfect horror movie pubs! So, please keep your favorite alcoholic beverage close (you know I am!) as we toast to Gremlins' Dorry's Tavern Vs. From Dusk Till Dawn's Tittle Twister!
If you're looking for a cool, dive bar atmosphere, then please look no further than Dorry's! You'll find dim lights, a nicely sized bar, and tables with seating in the back. It's the perfect place to go relax and have a fun, intimate, or romantic time. Many a couple has gotten engaged there, including Billy Peltzer's parents!
Well, there is nothing subtle about what you get when you go to Tittie Twister! Their type of ambiance definitely comes presented in a much louder, skin-baring form. Just take it from Cheech Marin's Chet Pussy: "All right, pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on in pussy lovers!" In addition to feminine feline, your atmosphere consists of loud mariachi music and hard liquor. Killer fun.
Warm and friendly definitely describes the type of service you'll get at Dorry's. Hell, the man himself is even prone to offering a round of drinks on the house. However, I'd say the number one reason to attend this establishment would be the part-time waitress/bartender, Kate played by the uber cute Phoebe Cates. She is just so damn sweet and beyond easy on the eyes! Hell, she even tries to serve Gremlins with a smile!
Warm and friendly doesn't exactly describe the kind of service action that happens at Tittie Twister. If you're bad-ass enough, you can probably score yourself a table and some booze. If not, you're shit out of luck. However, it's all worth the trip if you can somehow get Salma Hayek to serve you a fountain of champagne poured down her leg and off her toes aiming into your mouth.
Okay, as stated before, Dorry's only has one hottie, but DAMN if she isn't the ultimate fantasy of 80's hotties. I can't blame Judge Reinhold for fawning over her in Gremlins AND Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I'd quit drinking for an entire month if it meant that she'd be serving me a frosty draft at the end.
Okay, despite Kate's undeniable allure, Salma Hayek is one killer hottie! Her curvaceous body is fantastically exposed in that tiny bikini and she certainly knows how to work every inch of it. Plus, she's surrounded by numerous other strippers offering up all types of tasty nudity.
Like I said, Dorry's is a dive bar, so you probably won't see any super high end forms of liquor. But if you're going to a dive bar, is that something you're really looking for? You'll still be able to get a fancy drink like the vodka martini that jerky Gerald orders. And of course, the beer flows heavily in heavenly huge mugs!
Tittie Twister seems to emphasize more on boobs as opposed to booze. Sure, you can get beer and bottles of whiskey, however, considering the kind of character that frequents the place as well as its desolate location, I'm betting that the quality of their liquor is very suspect. I'd be scared to put anything in my mouth there (other than Salma's feet).
I remember being genuinely frightened for Kate when she was trapped behind the bar at Dorry's with Gremlins all around forcing her to serve them drinks. Although, the bar does provide a bit of a blockade from those crafty green critters, it ain't much. Fortunately, Kate had a book of matches that allowed her to learn that the Gremlins hate bright light, which lead her to use the bar's lone powerful weapon, a polaroid camera, to escape.
Oh man, I wouldn't want to be under attack by the kind of evil that matriculates at the Tittie Twister. Those vampires are fast and furious and all over the f*cking place. However, you're in luck if you can barricade yourself in a room filled with all the crazy crap and weaponry that the vamps have stolen from their previous victims (as George Clooney does). Plus, you're usually in the company of numerous bad-ass guys ready to fight by your side.
Well, it looks like the Tittie Twister won this battle just in the nip, I mean, nick
of time! I guess it is tough to top a bar that offers so much extra ogling activity, but Dorry's still holds a special place in my heart. What do you think, my fellow drinkers? Where would you rather spend you're
St. Paddy's Day? Kindly spit them bullets below! And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at email@example.com