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Face-Off: Halloween 5 Vs. Halloween 8

Jul. 11, 2012by: Mike Catalano
The folks who commented on our last Face-Off seemed to mostly agree that Blade deserved to slice Ghost Rider and take the title of best, baddest "unlikely monstrous" hunter of monsters! And that will momentarily close our section of "Face-Offs relating to current horror flicks" because, basically, we don't have any horror movies coming up in the near future on the big screen.

Today's Face-Off concerns a franchise and a slasher very near and dear to my heart. Even though Halloween is still about three and a half months away, I'm certain that any reputable horror fan would not mind a little write-up involving Michael Myers! Especially one with a theme involving the two worst HALLOWEEN sequels! That's right, my friends, we're looking to find the best of the worst and I'm sure you all agree that the two worst sequels involving Michael are parts 5 and 8. I find it ironic how both flicks came after a sequel meant to breathe new life into the series. Well, let's see who's still breathing after this battle!

Michael
After The Shape was brought back fairly competently after 10 years by George P. Wilbur in part 4, he was clunkily restored a year later as some sort of pudgy version by Don Shanks for part 5. I just don't get it. No more lean and mean Myers. Instead, we get this stammering hulk who didn't even seem to fit in the classic white mask. To add insult to injury, this Michael even friggin' cries a tear upon removing his mask towards the end. An overly bulky, pansied Myers... yeah, that's just what the fans ordered.
Thankfully, the svelte shape and mean disposition from H20 (part 7), seemed to be carried over for part 8 where The Shape was played by Brad Loree. Sure, he got his butt lamely kicked by the pathetic Busta Rhymes, but at least he was able to finally close-out the death deal on his little sis (the stupidest move in the franchise's history, yes, even dumber than Halloween 3). He also didn't take any shit from all the other kids taking up residence in his house. F*ckin' karate Busta was some bullshit, though!
Female Lead
Even as a very young girl, Danielle Harris showed some pretty impressive acting chops. Even in part 5 where she was for some stupid reason made mute for the first third of the flick, she was able to convey some genuinely frightened emotions. At least she still had a blood connection with Uncle Michael, giving a tangible enough reason for her to be stalked.
No, it's not Jamie Lee Curtis here. After she was all too quickly disposed of, Bianca Kajlich stepped in as our new heroine. She's definitely a pretty face and competent screamer (though the screams had to be dubbed because Bianca can't scream in real life... whatever), but she has NO relation to Michael whatsoever other than the fact that she's inside his house. Plus, she needs to get help from this geek she met on the Internet in order to survive.
Kills
What a pathetic excuse for R-rated horror deaths! Right when skin is about to be stabbed, we get a lovely, lame cutaway to either a splash of blood or the next scene! The only kill worthy of mention would be an annoying asshole getting a pitchfork shoved through his back. Besides that, there's nothing memorable whatsoever!
At least with Resurrection, some good-time gore was brought back to life. Though, many of the kills were lame (see a single swipe, obviously CGI beheading for example), we do get some red as it is being drawn. Laurie's death, even though I didn't think it should have happened, had a particularly poetic touch to it. A double-knife impaling onto a door worked pretty well too.
Halloween Theme
How do you f*ck up John Carpenter's legendary theme?! Why would you even want to attempt to alter it?! In part 5, we get a weak impression of the creepy chords that are supposed to accompany Michael. It absolutely reeks of cheap, direct-to-video synthesizer crap. Plus, there's this completely unnecessary drum back beat that makes Michael seem more like a dorky pop star than anything scary.
At least this music tried to stick close to the original's theme, letting the piano do most of the main tones. Still, I just don't get why the composer feels the need to add any extra background melodies because there is definitely no way anyone could improve on what Carpenter created.
Douche Supporting Actor
"Ba-Ba Da-Daaaaa!" Is there any doubt who is the most annoying supporting character in part 5? The infamous "Tina"! From the very second she first arrives on screen singing those horrific lyrics above and begins fawning all over Danielle Harris in an utmost display of overacting, you knew that you were going to hate this person. And the bitch didn't let up for the rest of the movie. From her goofy expressions to her forced (un)sexiness, she can do nothing right. And the biggest insult? She actually tries to play hero and even lives through Michaels inital stab.
"Trick or treat... mutha-fucka!" This has to be the worst line of the entire Halloween series. Thanks, Busta Rhymes aka "Freddie"! Actually, no thanks! Obviously, the studio suits thought, "Hey we had LL Cool J in the last Halloween flick and it was a hit, so we gotta find another rapper for this one and make him even larger!" I guess that meant coming up with a kung-fu-loving, reality-show-creating sleazebag moron. To add insult to injury, the dude f*cking beats Michael Myers up while performing a cheap impression of the Karate Kid, complete with "Hi-ya" sound effects. Ugh!
Halloween 8
Mr. Sandman has sung! And the winner that is bestowed the honor of better worst Halloween sequel is HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION! Since both of these flicks were so awful, we had ourselves one close race. I really would like to hear what ya'll think. Did the better piece of shit really come out on top of the toilet bowl water? Do you feel differently? Do you think there is another Halloween sequel that deserved to be in this race? Please, spit your damn bullets below! And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at mikecatalano@joblo.com.

Tags: Face-Off

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1:25AM on 07/11/2012

oh yeah

forgot to mention myers throwing that cop charlie out the window of the house with the rope around his neck. shit was badass
forgot to mention myers throwing that cop charlie out the window of the house with the rope around his neck. shit was badass
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8:37PM on 07/10/2012
My vote would have to go towards Halloween 5, for sure!
My vote would have to go towards Halloween 5, for sure!
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11:53AM on 07/10/2012
Were you watching the TV version of H5 or something? Many deaths were shown on camera. The rake to Mikey's face, pitchfork in that dude's back, the knife in Tina's chest. Yeah, in the scythe scene it cuts away to blood spatter, but mikey looks so badass with that thing, its one of the cooler sequel kills for sure. H5 had much cooler kills than H8.
Were you watching the TV version of H5 or something? Many deaths were shown on camera. The rake to Mikey's face, pitchfork in that dude's back, the knife in Tina's chest. Yeah, in the scythe scene it cuts away to blood spatter, but mikey looks so badass with that thing, its one of the cooler sequel kills for sure. H5 had much cooler kills than H8.
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+6
8:19PM on 07/09/2012

Tina didn't survive

What made you think she survived? She made annoying noises longer than she should have...but she died.
What made you think she survived? She made annoying noises longer than she should have...but she died.
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7:51PM on 07/09/2012
Rob Zombie's "Halloween II" is worse than 5, 8, or 6.
At least 8 is dumb fun, and 6 despite being incomprehensible has some great scenes.
5 is just dull and shitty.
Rob Zombie's "Halloween II" is worse than 5, 8, or 6.
At least 8 is dumb fun, and 6 despite being incomprehensible has some great scenes.
5 is just dull and shitty.
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+1
5:16PM on 07/09/2012

Yeah

I also think this should've been between Halloween's 6 (Director's Cut) and 8. I mention the Director's cut, because at least the Producer's cut of 6 feels like a cohesive film, even if the Thorn stuff is still pretty out there.
I also think this should've been between Halloween's 6 (Director's Cut) and 8. I mention the Director's cut, because at least the Producer's cut of 6 feels like a cohesive film, even if the Thorn stuff is still pretty out there.
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3:47PM on 07/09/2012
..
..
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3:55PM on 07/09/2012
3:41PM on 07/09/2012

sorry

sorry, no idea why the multiple post
sorry, no idea why the multiple post
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3:29PM on 07/09/2012

Both just awful

I actually had this exact debate with a friend the other day, and it's hard to commit one way or the other. Resurrection is just terrible, but not only that, you get the felling while watching it that the filmmakers really thought they were onto something.... with the whole reality tv angle. It's just infuriating to think about.
Having said that, I agree that it is probably the lesser of two evils. Ever watch the H5 special features?? It confirms what is already painfully obvious from
I actually had this exact debate with a friend the other day, and it's hard to commit one way or the other. Resurrection is just terrible, but not only that, you get the felling while watching it that the filmmakers really thought they were onto something.... with the whole reality tv angle. It's just infuriating to think about.
Having said that, I agree that it is probably the lesser of two evils. Ever watch the H5 special features?? It confirms what is already painfully obvious from watching H5: that the writers had no damn clue about who the man in black was any more that we did. It was just a convenient way for them to end the movie in an open-ended fashion and ensure another sequel. No real creativity or thought went into this movie, and it shows.
Furthermore, I would argue, this movie is indirectly responsible for most of the problems that arise in H6 The Curse of MM. A few others have commented on it being the worst, and I don't feel the same way, but respect your opinions very much nonetheless. But I would urge you to consider whether or not H6 might be an entirely different story altogether if not for the mile-deep hole that H5 dug them into.
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+2
2:08PM on 07/09/2012
Had this been 6 against 8 then I'd be less torn. 6 is by far worse than 5 or 8. In saying that I haven't watched either 3 movies in a while so call me 50/50 on this for now. For 5 I hated the introduction of Thorn but I did and still love Harris portrayal of Jamie. For 8 is a dumb beer induced ride and while Laurie's dispatch may initaially seem poetic it's more when you think about it perfect for the old WTF column. I mean, what the hell did she think she was gonna achieve dropping Michael
Had this been 6 against 8 then I'd be less torn. 6 is by far worse than 5 or 8. In saying that I haven't watched either 3 movies in a while so call me 50/50 on this for now. For 5 I hated the introduction of Thorn but I did and still love Harris portrayal of Jamie. For 8 is a dumb beer induced ride and while Laurie's dispatch may initaially seem poetic it's more when you think about it perfect for the old WTF column. I mean, what the hell did she think she was gonna achieve dropping Michael on his head that bullets and fire and being hit by vehicles hadn't? That it would knock sense into him? Seems an insult to the character's smarts. Still it's pretty much the best scene in the movie IMO so go figure. I probably get more entertainment from 8. Even if I do have to imagine an ending where Michael kills Busta Rhymes when he's mid karate schtick.
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1:13PM on 07/09/2012
I absolutely must be the only one in this world that loves Tina. To me she is no douche, however her boyfriend Mike is a douche, and he obviously must've been the one who threw the letter brick through Jamie's window!!
everything about him screams DOUCHE TO THE MAXIMUS.
I absolutely must be the only one in this world that loves Tina. To me she is no douche, however her boyfriend Mike is a douche, and he obviously must've been the one who threw the letter brick through Jamie's window!!
everything about him screams DOUCHE TO THE MAXIMUS.
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+6
12:55PM on 07/09/2012

Part 8 isn't just bad, it's offensive to fans

Halloween 5 is not a good movie. Mask sucks..Tina is the most annoying character in any of the big horror series....and the entire movie is just off. Part part 8 has a stupid twist on how Michael survived and ruins the previous sequel, discards Laurie Strode like trash, and then turns into every DTV slasher out there. I'd rather them replace every scene with Busta with a dog shitting. The internet gimmick turns into a cheesefest. While I can say Halloween 5 isn't a good movie, watching
Halloween 5 is not a good movie. Mask sucks..Tina is the most annoying character in any of the big horror series....and the entire movie is just off. Part part 8 has a stupid twist on how Michael survived and ruins the previous sequel, discards Laurie Strode like trash, and then turns into every DTV slasher out there. I'd rather them replace every scene with Busta with a dog shitting. The internet gimmick turns into a cheesefest. While I can say Halloween 5 isn't a good movie, watching part 8 makes me feel violated ;)
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12:11PM on 07/09/2012
I rather enjoyed Halloween 5. Danielle Harris carries the flick, its got some genuinely scary imagery (when Jamie is getting chased through the basement) and did little things that felt more 'Halloween-like' than the Friday knockoff that was Part IV (Michael lurking in the background, the scenes where he's driving.)

But wait, maybe I don't remember the flick as well as I thought....but that bitch Tina DIDN'T die?!?!?
I rather enjoyed Halloween 5. Danielle Harris carries the flick, its got some genuinely scary imagery (when Jamie is getting chased through the basement) and did little things that felt more 'Halloween-like' than the Friday knockoff that was Part IV (Michael lurking in the background, the scenes where he's driving.)

But wait, maybe I don't remember the flick as well as I thought....but that bitch Tina DIDN'T die?!?!?
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11:00AM on 07/09/2012

No

Michael's mask looked dumb in part 5... The mask is about the ONLY thing part 8 has over 5.
Aside from the goofy mask and the stupid scenes with the bumbling police officers, I don't see what's so terrible about 5. I absolutely love the ending.
Part 8 opens by stomping all over the fantastic ending of H20, then giving Jamie Lee Curtis's character a slapdash opening-scene death. It was lazy and disrespectful. I'd rather not have her in the movie at all than to see her mistreated with a
Michael's mask looked dumb in part 5... The mask is about the ONLY thing part 8 has over 5.
Aside from the goofy mask and the stupid scenes with the bumbling police officers, I don't see what's so terrible about 5. I absolutely love the ending.
Part 8 opens by stomping all over the fantastic ending of H20, then giving Jamie Lee Curtis's character a slapdash opening-scene death. It was lazy and disrespectful. I'd rather not have her in the movie at all than to see her mistreated with a lame opening-credit-kill. Then Mike turning around and walking away from Busta Rhymes... GOD, that scene infuriated me. Having Busta in the movie ruined it enough, but it would have made things a little better if he'd had the good grace to get slaughtered. Instead, he got glorified and saved the day in the end... FUCK Resurrection. It's easily the worst in the series in my opinion.
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-1
10:43AM on 07/09/2012
.
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-1
10:40AM on 07/09/2012
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10:42AM on 07/09/2012
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10:42AM on 07/09/2012
+3
10:36AM on 07/09/2012

Two douches!

Ha! I almost agree that the douche race could have ended in a tie, but then I watched Resurrection again and listened to ever line and "hi-ya" that Busta emits. After speaking about Michael as someone in "baggy-ass overalls", I just had to side with annoying Tina.
Ha! I almost agree that the douche race could have ended in a tie, but then I watched Resurrection again and listened to ever line and "hi-ya" that Busta emits. After speaking about Michael as someone in "baggy-ass overalls", I just had to side with annoying Tina.
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10:20AM on 07/09/2012

Agree!

Halloween 5 is a chore to sit through. Halloween 8 is a bad movie, but for me, it was more entertaining. And I'll take Busta over back-hand inducing Tina any fucking day. To each his own!
Halloween 5 is a chore to sit through. Halloween 8 is a bad movie, but for me, it was more entertaining. And I'll take Busta over back-hand inducing Tina any fucking day. To each his own!
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9:15AM on 07/09/2012
WTF. Halloween 8 better than Halloween 5...no way. Also. Halloween 6 is far worse than Part 5. It's not even cohesive.
And there is absolutely no way in hell that Tina is worse than Busta Rhymes in Resurrection. No effin way.
WTF. Halloween 8 better than Halloween 5...no way. Also. Halloween 6 is far worse than Part 5. It's not even cohesive.
And there is absolutely no way in hell that Tina is worse than Busta Rhymes in Resurrection. No effin way.
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