Well, slap me in the face with a machete! Our faithful AITH readers seemed to have a blast with our last Friday the 13th Face-Off
! People were very passionate about expressing their love for Parts VI and VII. I was a little surprised at the amount of love thrown towards part VII because to me it really comes off as a poorly conceived piece of crap, especially when compared to the creative, fun, and creepy part VI. At least the majority of the comments agreed that Jason Lives should have won. Fun side note: the article received exactly 13 comments! Coincidence? Who knows...
For today's Face-Off, we decided to take a spaced out cue from GRAVITY, which opens this Friday, and blast off into the stars with some outer space set horror. And everyone knows there is no more epic pair of space horror flicks than... LEPRECHAUN IN SPACE and JASON X! So, poor yourself a pint of Irish ale and use a machete to slice a big piece of cheese because this one's gonna get wacky!
Whether some is intentional or not, L in S is loaded with tripe to tickle your funny bone. Warwick Davis as the little green bastard relishes his numerous sets of one-liners with each wicked delivery. Plus, the ridiculousness that ensues once the crew returns to their ship is just pathetically hilarious. From the odd cyborg named Dr. Mittenhand (seriously, that's his f*cking name!) to the Sergeant turning into an ugly-ass, singing crossdresser, you're laughing your ass off one way or another.
Thankfully, the makers of JX pretty much knew how hilariously ridiculous their movie was and injected a healthy dose of comedy. There are probably too many actual nicely played jokes to list, so here's a good sampling: The doctor lady's reaction upon seeing Jason's face - "Oh, poor baby. No wonder you wore this thing." (she's alluding to his hockey mask.) The chick twisting her professors nipples to get a passing grade is nuts. And the classic line, "Guys, it's okay! He just wanted his machete back!" Now, that's f*cking funny!
Leprechaun definitely does in many a member of the outer space crew through a number of methods. He uses a light saber to cut a guy in half, flattens a dudes face with a tray, and crushes a guy under a metal box. But, the best death happens at the beginning when, through an unfortunate pissing incident, the Leprechaun bursts forth from a man's peesh right before he's about to get it on. The only thing that sucks about everything is that the budget was so damn low that we hardly ever see a single drop of blood.
Even though he's a frozen popsicle at the beginning, Mr. Voorhees immediately gets back to his old ways once he's thawed out. His grand array of gross kills ranges from machete slashes, neck snappings, face smashing, random impalings, and electrocutions. However, his awesomest offing comes when he dips a scientist lady's head into a sink of liquid nitrogen, freezes the bitch's face, and then bashes it to bloody, crystalized bits on a counter.
Okay, we've got three, count 'em, three full-fledged, super sexy hotties on hand in Lep in Space. Sweet and sultry Jessica Collins plays a doctor (LOL!) whose clothes become less as the flick goes on. Debbe Dunning (from Tool Time!) plays a space marine with wonderful cleavage and an appetite for sex. Lastly, Rebekah Carlton plays a weird space princess (yup!) whose character's awesome custom is flashing her boobs at people who she means to do harm to.
Almost every chick in this flick is hot! First off is Lexa Doig's frozen doctor lady who is thawed out in the nude (but covered). Melyssa Ade and Melody Johnson both play a couple of sweet space students who are into fun sexual situations. The cute android KM 14 becomes even sexier once she gets some magnetic nipples placed on her breasts. Finally, we can't forget Kaye Penaflor and Tania Maro who play a scrumptious pair of nubile campers that shed their tops and love premarital sex!
Techy Space Crap
Well, there is some pretty advanced weaponry that the space marines use in the beginning to hunt and destroy the Leprechaun. There's also a pretty nifty shrink/enlarge ray that comes in pretty handy. And, of course, we can't forget ol' Dr. Mittenhand and the robotic lower half of his body. He may look pretty f*cking ridiculous, but he's still tickin'.
There are some really sweet futuristic inventions here in JX. The virtual reality scenery selection is very cool and makes for both an effective and hilarious distraction for Jason towards the end of the flick. And who wouldn't love the previously mentioned Miss KM 14, the protocol/sex android played so enjoyably by Lisa Ryder. However, the greatest form of advanced technology are those healing space ants that are able to repair damaged or decapitated flesh, and unfortunately, turn a dead Jason into the "upgraded" uber-Jason.
For a little guy, Warwick Davis sure gives a larger than life performance as the titular lucky charm. He tries seducing the space princess with the skill of a pimp. When the space marines blow him up, he comes back in the worst/greatest of ways and spits out an ideal one-liner. He's always got a plethora of fantastic one-liners. Honestly, this low budget waste of a flick would have been nothing without Mr. Warwick on board 110%.
Kane Hodder is back once again to beef up the zombified version of Jason. I have nothing but respect for Hodder and the hulking, bad ass version of Mr. Voorhees that he flawlessly created. Still, there isn't a whole lot of personality or grand flair with his relentless killer. And, sadly, the "upgraded" version of Jason with his silver mask looks even sillier than the Leprechaun in a tux.
Well, I suppose a massacre makes sense considering the subject matter of this particular Face-Off. Jason had little trouble taking down his pint-sized competitor in the realm of zero gravity. I'm most curious to see if you, our killer AITH-ers agree. Does Jason X deserve some respect and the win over Leprechaun in Space? Please, spit them bullets below. Maybe we'll get another 13? And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at email@example.com