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Face-Off: Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) Vs. Buffy (Kristy Swanson)

04.30.2012by: Mike Catalano
It seems that the decision was kind of split between WRONG TURN and CABIN FEVER in our previous cabin-themed horror Face-Off. It was nice seeing everyone's heartfelt opinions, so keep 'em coming!

Today, we're taking another Joss-Whedon-inspired trek into Face-Off land as we pit two bad-ass, butt-kicking babes from his world against each other: it's Buffy Vs. Buffy, or more specifically: Sarah Michelle Gellar Vs. Kristy Swanson!

Watcher
Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head) accepted the job of Librarian at Buffy's high school in order to keep a watchful eye on her. Soft-spoken and intelligent, but still knows how to kick ass if the situation called for it. He became SMG's surrogate father throughout the series and it is that close relationship that separates him from Swanson's version. Buffy and Giles could be considered a different, but very capable, version of the dynamic duo.
Donald Sutherland's "Merrick" definitely earns coolness points for his mysterious spin on Buff's watcher. Plus, he does seem to get her in good fighting shape within a rather small amount of time. However, he never seems to develop the kind of closeness with Kristy's Chose One that Giles has with SMG's. And you gotta deduct points for getting himself killed.
Who I'd let kick my ass
SMG definitely has the moves to do some damage. She's quick too, which would make it tough for me to cop a feel as she's pounding away. Her bonier frame would probably be painful as it landed blows. Plus, she seems to yell and grunt a lot while she's fighting, which would probably ruin the dirty fantasy aspect of the ass-kicking for me.
Now, I wouldn't mind taking a beating from Kristy Swanson and her bodacious bod. Just imagine tussling around on the ground with that bosom accidentally smothering against your face. I bet there's a chance she'd wrap those sexy legs around me as well to, you know, keep me constricted. Damn, I'd definitely give her a wooden stake!
Friends
How can you go wrong with Willow, Xander, and even the bitchy, but hot, Cordelia?! All sweet, smart, and quirky in their own ways. Fondly referred to as "The Scooby Gang", whether it's hangin' out or fighting monsters, this is the group I sure would want to do it with. Plus, they even brought their pal, Buffy, back from the freakin' dead! Now that's friendship!
The Buffster did have friends before she learned about being the Chosen One, but they were all a bunch of vapid bimbos and jocks. Plus, they totally abandoned her after she came out and started kicking ass. Real nice.
Best Pom Poms
SMG's Buffy began her stint at Sunnydale High as an "ex" cheerleader. She never actually shook her pom poms for any of the school's teams. Although she did try out for the squad during the show's first season and looked pretty cute in the uniform. However, she did not make the team and dedicated her athleticism to other, more deadly extracurricular activities.
That opening dance number that Kristy's Buffy does in her tight cheerleader outfit even makes me appreciate that Keep It Comin' song that accompanies the routine. I love how Kristy is able to continue emitting that sexy smile as she's gyrating all about on the gymnasium floor. This girl definitely knows how to shake her pom poms.
Hotter
It was SMG's beauty that initially got me to halt in the middle of my channel surfing and start watching Buffy way back in Season 1. Little did I know that the show would turn out to be way more than just a pretty face! Still, it was the uniquely sexy look and swagger of that little SMG temptress that forced my eyes to become glued. She's got this slim, yet slightly curvy body and the sexiest eyes that can most likely ram a stake through any dude's heart.
Not to be outdone, Ms. Swanson was also the sole reason I was excited to see the Buffy movie. The shots of her bouncing around while cheerleading and kicking vampire ass drove my young mind mad. She has the most gorgeously cute face that is complemented so perfectly by her sumptuous body. It's such a tough image to get out of your head and hell, why would you want to?!
Wood Grasper
SMG's Buffy is a major expert with regards to the wooden stake. She can stab it, throw it, use more than one, and even spin it in her hand like a drumstick. That's some majorly impressive wood handling! She strikes fast like lightning, easily sending her fanged foes into putrid piles of dust.
Kristy's Buffy starts off a little shakey with the wooden stake, but soon develops a much keener grasp. Still, she just doesn't seem as spot-on accurate as SMG's version. Maybe it's because her vampires don't turn to dust after she ices them? Regardless, it seems to take a while for her vamp victims to die after being staked. Case in point: Pee Wee and his never-ending "AH!" death scene.
Sarah Michelle Gellar
So there you have it! Sarah Michelle Gellar's incarceration of "Buffy" defeats Kristy Swanson's version. Even though Ms. Swanson's slayer came first, the fact that Mr. Joss Whedon's script was at the mercy of the studio didn't bode too well in her attempt at victory. SMG was lucky enough to be the Buff that Mr. Whedon had full creative control over, thus equipping her with a healthy dose of "awesome vision" to reign supreme. If you think I'm nuts (and many already do), please state why below. And of course, email any cool, future horror-themed Face-Off ideas to me at mikecatalano@joblo.com.

Tags: Face-Off

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