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Face-Off: Leprechaun Vs. Belial

03.05.2012by: Mike Catalano
100%
Well, top o' the morning to ya, my fine, beer-swiggin' bastards! It's time for another round of horror-bound battle and since St. Patrick's Day is upon us, we've decided to put everyone's favorite gold-getting, gut-spilling Leprechaun in a pint-sized prizefight against that abortion of a basket case, Belial!

Power
This top-hat-wearin' sonuva bitch may be a tad on the wee side in terms of all-out brute strength, but who needs brawn when you have the major advantage of magic? Leprechaun disposes of all his unlucky victims in the most creatively wacky ways, and he does it with ease.

For a freak of a separated siamese twin, our boy Belial sure can pack a wallop, dispatching a flock of folks the instant he gets out of the basket. The dude doesn't even have any legs, yet can still tear flesh to shreds like some clump of steroids-imbued playdough.

Kills
Oh man, through the use of some crazy magic, the little green one has dispatched plenty of peeps in a wide range of creative ways. From breasts that turn into lawnmower blades to death by bong, killin' is this beeyach's business!
This deformed creature certainly doesn't let his shortcomings get in the way of his taste for offing folks. With sharp claws and sharper teeth, he rips through peeps with ease... just not as often as he should.
Creepiness
Damn, this lass sure wasn't lucky in the looks department. More troll-like than Leprechaun-ish. Grimy, wrinkly, demon-like, and just absolutely gross. I'd hate to run into him at the end of a rainbow.
Oh, this boy is just a mess. Kind of like a demonized Jabba the Hut. Sharp teeth, monstrous claws, and death-like eyes. Though, he can look pretty ridiculous at times.
Lover
Okay, the closest this little prick has come to sex is exploding from some horny dumbass's dick in outer space. How's that for a f*cked up sentence?
What can I say? My boy, Belial, actually scores with a hot chick. Granted, he was raping her in her sleep and then killed her, but he did do the deed. Then, he was able to impregnate his equally freakish girlfriend.
Drinking Buddy
Seeing as how this guy is a national symbol for one of the biggest days of drinking in the year, I'm betting it would be damn fun throwing back a couple with him. Plus, he can't work his magic so well when he's drunk, so you probably won't get killed.
I don't know why (maybe because of his oddly shaped frame), but I see this dude rockin' one of those beer can helmets with that long straw aimed into his mouth. That alone would be worth the price of admission.
Leprechaun
Well, it looks like Mr. Warwick Davis's evil alter ego didn't need the luck of the Irish to emerge victorious from this Face-Off. With St. Patty's Day almost here, I suppose he did already have a home holiday advantage. Props to him for defending his house so well. As for poor Belial, what do y'all think? Did he get a fair shake? Or did I cut his status a little short?
Tags: Face-Off

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9:55PM on 03/05/2012
Definitely Leprechaun. I think the next column should be Demonic Toys vs. Puppet Masters. That should be epic!
Definitely Leprechaun. I think the next column should be Demonic Toys vs. Puppet Masters. That should be epic!
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5:53PM on 03/05/2012
A hotdog smoothee versus Irish whiskey.

I rest my case.
A hotdog smoothee versus Irish whiskey.

I rest my case.
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12:50PM on 03/05/2012

Agreed

Definitely going to agree with Leprechaun taking this. I love that little bastard.
Definitely going to agree with Leprechaun taking this. I love that little bastard.
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+3
12:44PM on 03/05/2012
NICE !! The '' Leprechaun ''series is one of my biggest guilty pleasures , for all the reasons you've listed .
NICE !! The '' Leprechaun ''series is one of my biggest guilty pleasures , for all the reasons you've listed .
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