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House on Haunted Hill 99- Horror Review- (Day 27 of 31)- October Massacre

House on Haunted Hill 99- Horror Review- (Day 27 of 31)- October Massacre
10.27.2014by: Ryan Doom
6 10

PLOT: A nutty millionaire named Price (obvious homage to Vincent Price, the star of the original) loves to scare people shitless. So he schemes up a party where offers a perfectly diverse group of folks a million bucks...if they can survive the night in a supposed haunted abandoned insane asylum (aren't they all haunted?). Sounds easy enough, but then again, it wouldn’t be a horror movie if people didn’t die. It’s all fun and games until the asylum decides to seal itself and people start to get dead in mysterious ways. Is it real? Or is it one of Price's games? 

REVIEW: I’ve always enjoyed a good haunted house movie, and they seemed like they were all the rage back in the late 1990’s until they wore out their welcome with audiences. Eventually they’ll come back as we seem to be stuck in the ghost story era still. Anyway, House on Haunted Hill is yet another remake, this time of the 1959 Vincent Price classic, and this version is all about bad lighting, cheap sets, generic characters, bloody violence, and Lisa Loeb (why is she in here?) .

There's a lot of quality actors here, but its Geoffrey Rush's show as dude really channels is inner Price here. Supposely, Rush wanted to mirror director John Waters, but he looks, acts, and even sounds like the late, great horror master. The real shame is that he's not in the film more. He's a rich asshole who loves to pull elaborate tricks on people in order to scare until poop finds its way out of their inner systems. That's interesting character trait and pretty f*cked up. He and his wife, the always gorgeous Famke Janssen, play a consistent game of who-will-kill-who-first, which also helps to elevate the film beyond complete cliche status. 

However, when we switch to the other characters (including female eye candy hero Taye Diggs), my interest dropped because I didn't give a damn. They're all too cliched to care about them (they even have perfectly generic job descriptions), but we go for the ride regardless because we only keep watching to see them die. Hell, even though Chris Kattan annoys me to no end, I would have liked more time with his character to understand why the hell he kept an abandoned insane asylum. At least that'd be interesting. Oh, and then there's the horrific effects during the third act. I won't spoil anything, but Holy Jesus, it's bad.

Overall, there's some good scares in here with the twitchy ghosts and the good doctor Jeffrey Combs doing the Lord's work, but somehow I remembered this being a hell of a lot better a decade ago. 

BEST TNA SCENE: A little light in this department, yet director William Malone still managed to work in a few boobs...none in a sexy kinda manner (though some nice underwater action).

BEST GORE BIT: Lots of quality gore, but the most painful moment happens in the first five minutes or so when (in a flashback) one of the poor staff workers gets about three perfectly sharp pencils stuck through his neck. Ouch, man! 

HALLOWEEN DRINKING GAME: Let's make it easy: Take a drink each time you want Chris Kattan to hurry up and die (in the movie).


GET THE DVD HERE!

READ ALL OF OUR OCTOBER MASSACRE REVIEWS HERE!

Extra Tidbit: Oddball rock star Marilyn Manson was up for Jeffrey Combs' role...

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9:34AM on 10/29/2014

saw this in theaters and loved it

at the time i was rooting for chris kattan to find some footing outside of snl... yeah. but two things really stuck out: the use of manson's sweet dreams as the attendees are arriving at the "house" and when larter is filming and the good doctor and his assistants stop what they're doing and look over at her. hell yeah!
at the time i was rooting for chris kattan to find some footing outside of snl... yeah. but two things really stuck out: the use of manson's sweet dreams as the attendees are arriving at the "house" and when larter is filming and the good doctor and his assistants stop what they're doing and look over at her. hell yeah!
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2:01AM on 10/28/2014
Enjoy this movie well enough -- I'd probably rank it about a 7 (+1 over yours for the house itself). At least it wasn't a remake that made me want to kill someone, and compared to The Haunting (which came out pretty much the same time), this was the best movie of all time.
Enjoy this movie well enough -- I'd probably rank it about a 7 (+1 over yours for the house itself). At least it wasn't a remake that made me want to kill someone, and compared to The Haunting (which came out pretty much the same time), this was the best movie of all time.
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7:45AM on 10/28/2014
The Haunting, despite its star-studded cast, was effin' horrible.
The Haunting, despite its star-studded cast, was effin' horrible.
7:45PM on 10/28/2014
Agreed, The Haunting was terrible... And honestly man, I know it's bad to say this but I didn't really like the original :-O I know, I know... I think it was because the main woman? Man, she got on my nerves.

Also, a little off subject but has anyone seen that TV Movie from the early 90's The Haunting? For a TV movie... it FREAKED me out as a kid and it was a really well done movie, despite the overly Christian overtones lol
Agreed, The Haunting was terrible... And honestly man, I know it's bad to say this but I didn't really like the original :-O I know, I know... I think it was because the main woman? Man, she got on my nerves.

Also, a little off subject but has anyone seen that TV Movie from the early 90's The Haunting? For a TV movie... it FREAKED me out as a kid and it was a really well done movie, despite the overly Christian overtones lol
5:51PM on 10/27/2014

I actually watched the original House on Haunted Hill last night and I gotta say, both are very fun movies in their own ways. But I will say this, EVEN THOUGH Geoffery Rush did an admirable job practically playing Vincent Price almost down to a T(I'd even say, no one could do a better Price), Mr. Rush, nor any actor for the matter, is no Vincent Price. :-P

I'll also mention this,,, I've been on a HUGE Vincent Price binge for the past week(along with other Hammer & Amicus classics). I
I actually watched the original House on Haunted Hill last night and I gotta say, both are very fun movies in their own ways. But I will say this, EVEN THOUGH Geoffery Rush did an admirable job practically playing Vincent Price almost down to a T(I'd even say, no one could do a better Price), Mr. Rush, nor any actor for the matter, is no Vincent Price. :-P

I'll also mention this,,, I've been on a HUGE Vincent Price binge for the past week(along with other Hammer & Amicus classics). I absolutely LOVED Theatre of Blood & The Abominable Dr. Phibes, along with House of Usher, The Tingler, and The Masque of Red Death, which were pretty awesome. I'm watching The Comedy of Terrors and Witchfinder General tonight! Besides Price, I also got to check out Curse of Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, & Twins of Evil just to name a few :)
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7:41PM on 10/27/2014
I just LOVE Vincent Price. There's no one like him. Love him best as the voice of Vincent Van Ghoul in 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo.
I just LOVE Vincent Price. There's no one like him. Love him best as the voice of Vincent Van Ghoul in 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo.
10:58PM on 10/27/2014
I've always liked Price but I never really got to appreciate his talents as much as i have this past week. He's so awesome man. It seems like he can take any seemingly boring role and turn it into something special. He's just a hell of an on-screen presence and i feel like a piece of shit because i just now realized how awesome he really was lol
I've always liked Price but I never really got to appreciate his talents as much as i have this past week. He's so awesome man. It seems like he can take any seemingly boring role and turn it into something special. He's just a hell of an on-screen presence and i feel like a piece of shit because i just now realized how awesome he really was lol
2:45AM on 10/28/2014
You're totally right. He had this appealing on screen presence and no matter how boring his movies can be Vincent Price just lifted the whole movie.
You're totally right. He had this appealing on screen presence and no matter how boring his movies can be Vincent Price just lifted the whole movie.
2:14PM on 10/27/2014
Still love this movie.
Still love this movie.
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1:58PM on 10/27/2014
Famke Janssen at her absolute hottest.
Famke Janssen at her absolute hottest.
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11:18AM on 10/27/2014
It was an okay remake - not that good but not that bad either. I remember the special effects were quite good at the time. And yeah, Geoffrey Rush was the star of the movie.
It was an okay remake - not that good but not that bad either. I remember the special effects were quite good at the time. And yeah, Geoffrey Rush was the star of the movie.
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