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IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN': Do we really need another Resident Evil movie???

08.16.2011by: Ammon Gilbert

When people sit back and think of the great horror franchises over the years, they think of FRIDAY THE 13TH, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, HALLOWEEN, SCREAM, and FINAL DESTINATION. And yet, the RESIDENT EVIL franchise has never been brought up as being great—or even good. Mostly, when RESIDENT EVIL is brought up, the conversation goes something like “I sorta liked the first one, but goddamn has all the other ones sucked!” For a franchise that has three high-profile sequels out and kickin’, that’s far from a good reaction, and yet here we are, with the latest news reporting that RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is in the works and scheduled to hit theaters everywhere October of 2012. And to this, I say… do we really need another f*cking RESIDENT EVIL movie???

I’ll be straight-up about this one: I could give a f*ck about this series. I hated the first RESIDENT EVIL with a passion, and therefore have hated all the sequels—and I haven’t even seen them all! Each one looks like it could be cool, but I usually let the masses make my decisions for me when it comes to these flicks. So regardless of the fact that the sequels made a f*ckload of money during their opening weekend, there’s no way in shit I’m gonna go and throw down $20 to see it theaters when the word of mouth is always “goddamn that movie sucked!” And that’s the weird thing: sure, they make a lot of money, but are there any true fans of the series, or just people going because they want to believe they’ll finally do the video game some justice and make something awesome? I have no f*cking clue.

Paul WS Anderson is (once again) on board to direct with wife Mila Jovovich slated to reprise her role as Alice, and while Jovovich’s involvement is a must at this point, do we really need Anderson at the helm again, mucking it up in his usual way. Besides EVENT HORIZON, the guy hasn’t made a decent film and I can’t imagine he’s going to start with RESIDENT EVIL 5. Goddamn, just saying that out loud like that is blowing my f*cking mind right now: RESIDENT EVIL 5. Really??? I get that they make a ton of money for Sony Pictures, but another one? Yikes.

From what I’ve played of the game, the movies are nothing alike and (above all else) this seems to be the biggest issue with die hard fans of the game—the movies don’t really do the games justice. So the big question here is, why don’t they take the SPIDER-MAN route at this point and REBOOT the entire series? Start from scratch, get a new director and go an entirely new direction that’s mostly in-synch with the game, because let me tell ya, the movies have been going nowhere fast. Hell, keep Mila Jovovich on as Alice if you want to, just reboot it into something new, something that’s better than what we’ve seen, and something people may actually give a f*ck about, because a RESIDENT EVIL 5 is something no one really gives a f*ck about!

Ok, that’s not true. I know there are die hard fans of the series out there, too. Yes, they do exist—and it only makes sense that there are, otherwise how the hell could each installment make more money than the one before it? But I have to believe that even the die hard fans only like the franchise for its mindless entertainment value and pure eyecandy appeal and not because they’re solid films with good stories and solid action, effects, and tone. Because they’re not—but holy hell do they look good!

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but do we really need another f*cking RESIDENT EVIL movie? The first one was bad enough, but I’ll give the benefit of the doubt to that because I know a lot of people actually liked that one. But APOCALYPSE, EXTINCTION, and AFTERLIFE have proved that no matter how much money is spent on special effects, if there’s no time spent on story and characters, the movie’s gonna blow ass. Now that RETRIBUTION is on the way, I can only assume the half-assed approach to filmmaking that Paul WS Anderson is known for will shine and any hope that this one won’t suck donkey balls is already thrown out the window. Take the SPIDER-MAN and PUNISHER approach to this already and reboot the series, aligning it more with the source material (the video games), because one thing’s for sure: we really don’t need more of the same from this franchise.

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