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IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN': Eff this Carrie remake business!

May. 24, 2011by: Ammon Gilbert

One of author Stephen King’s best and most vivid novels is coincidently also his first: Carrie. A book told through the stories of survivors of what happened during that fateful Prom Night when the gymnasium caught fire and everyone burned, and when the school’s main ugly duckling, Carrie White, got her sweet-sweet revenge. It’s what kicked off King’s career, and who knows… without Carrie, there might not have been a Stephen King.

In 1976 director Brian de Palma brought the novel to the big screen, an endeavor that spawned a few Academy Award nominations, introduced Sissy Spacek, John Travolta, and Nancy Allen to the movie-going public, and spawned interest in the possibilities of adapting more and more King novels to the big screen. In the same way, without CARRIE there might not have been THE SHINING or PET SEMATARY, or even THE MIST for all we know. With all this praise, what could possibly get me drinking right now? How about the recent announcement that the studio behind the recent makes of PROM NIGHT and THE STEPFATHER have decided to remake CARRIE as well. Bahhhhhhh!!!!

Goddamn this 30 pack of High Life is going down smooth and fast right about now. Remaking CARRIE??? Are these guys serious??? And by guys, of course, I mean Sony Screen Gems, as they’re the biggest offenders, teaming up with MGM to remake a horror classic into a PG-13-fueled chick-fest made for 12-year-old girls with no backbone nor a taste for real horror. That, and to make money. An easy cash-grab as CARRIE is one of the most recognizable horror names / flicks out there. I get that making movies is a business, but for real? This shit is blasphemous--blasphemous I say!

The argument, of course, is that the new version will be based entirely on King’s novel and not on de Palma’s film. Bullshit. Say what you will about other King adaptations, CARRIE is one of the few that not only sticks close to the book, but virtually leaves nothing out. In other words, it’s right up there with THE MIST in terms of an effective King adaptation. Some small and mostly insignificant things were left out, yes (that’s bound to happen), but not enough to warrant a completely new movie out of it. For the most part, King’s story is seen on screen, his vision of a lonely girl with telekinetic powers and the craziest bat-shit mom on the planet is there—where can they possible take this story that we haven’t already seen?

I think Screen Gems must have been sleeping back in 1999 and in 2002 or else they would have known that someone already tried remaking/revisioning/readapting CARRIE with the quasi sequel THE RAGE: CARRIE 2 and on the small screen in the made-for-TV version of CARRIE starring Angela Bettis and Emilie de Ravin (of LOST fame). The latter is not a horrendous movie—but it’s not a good movie either. It sticks close to the book, but because de Palma also stuck close to the book, the TV movie felt like a straight-up remake to the ’76’s feature film—but without the style, the one-two punch, the charisma, or the creepy dream-like atmosphere that worked so goddamn well in the original.

With all this going against it, it appears that Screen Gems is incapable of learning from other’s mistakes and feels they could do a better job. Does the world really need a third take on CARRIE? Maybe it’s the booze talkin’ (though my thoughts would be the same watered down by the Champagne of Beers or sober as a horse), but this talk of a CARRIE remake has shit-bomb written all over it. It’s blasphemous, idiotic, and it’s set up for disaster. The original film managed to tell King’s story about as true as any book-to-film adaptation ever could, leaving little room for other interpretation (as exemplified by the 2002 made-for-TV version of CARRIE, which was pretty much the same).

Speaking of King, what are his thoughts on this whole debacle? He’s already come out and said he couldn’t see a point since the original was so well done (and better than his book, in his opinion), but he could get behind it as long as David Lynch or David Cronenberg were directing. Considering it’s from Sony Screen Gems and THE STEPFATHER / PROM NIGHT team, I’d say there’s no chance in hell of that happening. The book’s author doesn’t want to see another adaptation of his work nor do fans of the book nor fans of the original movie… which makes this idea of a remake not only asinine but absolutely preposterous. Why don’t they take on one of King’s books that hasn’t been made into anything yet? A big-screen take on CELL? Now there’s a project I could get behind…

Source: AITH

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5:10AM on 05/25/2011

Bad Idea

There is no way to improve on the original so why try. I dare say the remake is akin to a Jaws or Godfather remake, it's that good. I would be more behind an adaptation of Insomnia or Cell to be honest.
There is no way to improve on the original so why try. I dare say the remake is akin to a Jaws or Godfather remake, it's that good. I would be more behind an adaptation of Insomnia or Cell to be honest.
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2:26AM on 05/25/2011
I'm not all surprised at this news, I never bother watching these toned-down remakes anyways so it matters little to me, though I was surprised when King said he could get behind Lindsay Lohan as Carrie, considering that she's an outcast in real life, she'd definitely be convincing as Carrie, though i've heard that now Megan Fox is trying to get the role of Carrie, i've got nothing against Fox, but there's NO way she can convingly play an outcast, she looks more like the popular girl who would
I'm not all surprised at this news, I never bother watching these toned-down remakes anyways so it matters little to me, though I was surprised when King said he could get behind Lindsay Lohan as Carrie, considering that she's an outcast in real life, she'd definitely be convincing as Carrie, though i've heard that now Megan Fox is trying to get the role of Carrie, i've got nothing against Fox, but there's NO way she can convingly play an outcast, she looks more like the popular girl who would antagonize Carrie. If this film has either Fox or Lohan in it(or both of them preferably), then i'll definitely see it! Otherwise I probably won't bother.
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9:03PM on 05/24/2011
I'll tell you the worst thing about this kind of news, it leaves pretty much nothing else to say about it. Carrie is a classic for a reason, and quite possibly De Palma's masterpiece. There is no silver lining, no hope for improvement, or room for (positive) invention or alteration. This is just bad through and through.

I know, get the writers to steal the mother character and just write a movie about a Bible-thumping psycho mom and her ugly duckling daughter, sans telekenesis.
I'll tell you the worst thing about this kind of news, it leaves pretty much nothing else to say about it. Carrie is a classic for a reason, and quite possibly De Palma's masterpiece. There is no silver lining, no hope for improvement, or room for (positive) invention or alteration. This is just bad through and through.

I know, get the writers to steal the mother character and just write a movie about a Bible-thumping psycho mom and her ugly duckling daughter, sans telekenesis.
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6:00PM on 05/24/2011
=[ =[ =[

Everytime a new horror remake is announced, I die a little bit more inside.
=[ =[ =[

Everytime a new horror remake is announced, I die a little bit more inside.
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+0
5:14PM on 05/24/2011
Good call, Mr. Ammon! I hope Screen (Non)Gems reads this and realizes that they're morons. The only thing worse than this idea is The Mist movie! Eff Darabont in his childkilling ass!
Good call, Mr. Ammon! I hope Screen (Non)Gems reads this and realizes that they're morons. The only thing worse than this idea is The Mist movie! Eff Darabont in his childkilling ass!
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3:17PM on 05/24/2011

Fuck remakes

My problem with remakes (like this Carrie one) is that instead of getting more original horror films on the big screen, am stuck getting cash in dubs all the fucking time. Which is why, now of late, I watch foreign horror and older genre films I missed to get my fix.
My problem with remakes (like this Carrie one) is that instead of getting more original horror films on the big screen, am stuck getting cash in dubs all the fucking time. Which is why, now of late, I watch foreign horror and older genre films I missed to get my fix.
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-3
2:24PM on 05/24/2011

actually dont really care

remakes dont bother me in the slightest as they'll never detract from the original and lets be honest if they do then the original couldnt have been that great in the first place.
I appreciate the movie is a classic and that it has its place in cinema history but while i did enjoy it i never really dug it that much to be honest. I think its a great story with a lot of scope to explore. I will be honest though that the mention of prom night and stepfather remakes dont bode well for the remake
remakes dont bother me in the slightest as they'll never detract from the original and lets be honest if they do then the original couldnt have been that great in the first place.
I appreciate the movie is a classic and that it has its place in cinema history but while i did enjoy it i never really dug it that much to be honest. I think its a great story with a lot of scope to explore. I will be honest though that the mention of prom night and stepfather remakes dont bode well for the remake but i'll definately give this a viewing even if it is to find out its a steaming pile of shit.
The tv movie wasnt bad and had good actors. I heard it was envisioned as a tv series where Carrie lived and travelled America helping kids with troubles which given how they did the tv movie i would've like to see it picked up. Bettis is a great actress and it would be nice to see Carrie survive and deal with her actions as long as it hadnt been too melodramatic.
Not holding out any hopes for the remake but not cursing it either,
For me the worse part of remakes is when they're announced and everyone goes apeshit on them. Its not gonna change so why bother. Just dont watch it, watch the original if you really dont wanna see a new version.
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1:17PM on 05/24/2011
Best part of this article? The Mist getting the high praise it deserves. That movie kicks my ass every time. Oh yeah, fuck the Carrie remake!!!
Best part of this article? The Mist getting the high praise it deserves. That movie kicks my ass every time. Oh yeah, fuck the Carrie remake!!!
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1:09PM on 05/24/2011

Bad idea

Rather than do a remake, why not focus on some of King's other books. Rage could be done on a low budget, and still be effective (though I doubt Hollywood would do it in light of Columbine), and I've always wanted to see The Long Walk done from a first person perspective (no shaky-cam, though.) If they do this (and it looks like they will), they should at least get PJ Soles to play the batshit crazy mom.
Rather than do a remake, why not focus on some of King's other books. Rage could be done on a low budget, and still be effective (though I doubt Hollywood would do it in light of Columbine), and I've always wanted to see The Long Walk done from a first person perspective (no shaky-cam, though.) If they do this (and it looks like they will), they should at least get PJ Soles to play the batshit crazy mom.
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1:07PM on 05/24/2011

Bad idea

Rather than do a remake, why not focus on some of King's other books. Rage could be done on a low budget, and still be effective (though I doubt Hollywood would do it in light of Columbine), and I've always wanted to see The Long Walk done from a first person perspective (no shaky-cam, though.) If they do this (and it looks like they will), they should at least get PJ Soles to play the batshit crazy mom.
Rather than do a remake, why not focus on some of King's other books. Rage could be done on a low budget, and still be effective (though I doubt Hollywood would do it in light of Columbine), and I've always wanted to see The Long Walk done from a first person perspective (no shaky-cam, though.) If they do this (and it looks like they will), they should at least get PJ Soles to play the batshit crazy mom.
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12:18PM on 05/24/2011

They're all going to laugh at you!

Who in the hell thinks this is even close to a good idea?
Who in the hell thinks this is even close to a good idea?
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10:22AM on 05/24/2011
Personally I don't think it's necessary at all to remake Carrie. The original is a superb horror/thriller. The Rage: Carrie 2 was not that bad but not that good. Never see the made for TV version though.
Personally I don't think it's necessary at all to remake Carrie. The original is a superb horror/thriller. The Rage: Carrie 2 was not that bad but not that good. Never see the made for TV version though.
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10:06AM on 05/24/2011

i might be interested if....

i think i could kinda sorta get behind this if the remake goes back to the book's Carrie .... a chubby, pimply girl as opposed to the meek and frail versions both the original and TV remake gave us (don't get me wrong...i LOVE Spacek and Bettis, but i want to see her the way i pictured her in the book!). as with most remakes, i'm intrigued but will most likely be disappointed.
i think i could kinda sorta get behind this if the remake goes back to the book's Carrie .... a chubby, pimply girl as opposed to the meek and frail versions both the original and TV remake gave us (don't get me wrong...i LOVE Spacek and Bettis, but i want to see her the way i pictured her in the book!). as with most remakes, i'm intrigued but will most likely be disappointed.
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