Nothing cures the post-New Year’s party hangover like a Miller High Life, and by golly, that’s what I’ve been doing ever since the 2012 ball dropped. Because I don’t like to get all nostalgic and sentimental and shit, I’m looking ahead to the New Year—more specifically, the horror flicks (and even a few action flicks) that are coming our way in the next 12 months, and you know… this year is lining up to deliver all kinds of awesomeness (and way more than what 2011 ended up delivering). So here’s a drunken list of flicks I can’t wait to check out this year and yes… I’m sure that I’m missing a few between cases of the Champagne of Beers, so sue me. Here’s what 2012 has to offer (more or less):
Because superhero / comic book flicks are all the rage with the young kids these days, I’ll start there. Comic books don’t equal horror flicks, I know, but there are a few that cross and blur that line, so I’ll include them here. First up, CHRONICLE, the CLOVERFIELD-style found-footage flick about a group of teens who become superheroes… while one becomes a super-villian. Shit looks pretty dark, yo, and plus… it’s set in my backyard, through the gloomy landscapes of Seattle. But higher on my list than CHRONICLE is GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE, with Nic Cage acting way over the top under the direction of Neveldine/Taylor (those CRANK guys), and scenes about pissing fire and spitting bullets. If there ever was a movie to go after my own heart, it’s GHOST RIDER 2, and goddamnit, this shit looks like it’s going to be all kinds of awesome.
But enough about superheroes, how about some genuine horror flicks this year. Like THE CABIN IN THE WOODS from director Joss Whedon. Sure, it’s been on the shelf for over a year, but that’s just the studio hating everything Whedon does… right? The name explains it all and for that, I can’t wait to finally see it. 3D or no 3D. In a similar vein, there’s THE HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET starring the superhot and super talented Jennifer Lawrence and the MILF of the year, Elisabeth Shue. Great title, great cast, and if done right, this one will be the ghost story shit like DREAM HOUSE could only… dream about being. Let’s just hope they don’t release these two too close to each other, because let’s face it… I’ve already mixed them up based on the title alone and I’d hate to think of what would happen if the masses couldn’t figure out they’re two different movies.
Darker sci-fi flicks are also living large this year with Ridley Scott’s goosebump-inducing epic PROMETHEUS, which already looks f*cking amazing and made for one of the year’s most epic trailers. While not officially connected to the ALIEN series, the look and feel of the film is straight out of Scott’s ALIEN, and honestly… that’s all we can ask for. Looks absolutely amazeballs. Then there’s Colin Farrell in the TOTAL RECALL remake, a film that I have somewhere in between most-hated and most-anticipated. Honestly, I just want to see what the f*ck they’re doing that’s so different that they felt they had to remake the original. If there’s one flick I’m going to love to hate this year, it’s TOTAL RECALL.
It wouldn’t be a year worth talking about if there wasn’t a buttload of sequels in the mix, and this year’s no exception, especially on the horror side. PIRANHA 3DD has the potential to knock our socks off, even if it screams straight to video. They threw a double-D in the title, for f*ck’s sake, what’s there not to like? Then there’s THE AMITYVILLE HORROR: THE LOST TAPES, which could be awesome… or it could suck harder than The Asylum’s THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING. Could the found footage angle revive this long-forgotten franchise? We’ll see.
3D also makes an appearance this year with THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 3D and (supposedly) HALLOWEEN 3D (though I have my doubts this one is gonna happen). While I didn’t give a shit about TCM: THE BEGINNING, the idea of chainsaw-wielding maniacs going berserk in the third dimension sounds like a shitload of fun, and who knows… maybe this time Platinum Dunes will get it right (they did good with the original TCM remake, it’s possible they could do it again).
And finally, the modern-day action flick. While every year has a ton of action movies released, this is the only year when THE EXPENDABLES 2 hits. Even bigger than THE EXPENDABLES, this one has all the returning characters (minus Mickey Rourke) plus even bigger additions (JCVD and Chuck Norris, yo!), and a teaser trailer that is the very definition of what teaser trailers are all about. Plus, Liam Neeson kicking wolf asses in THE GREY, Liam Neeson kicking all sorts of asses in TAKEN 2, Liam Neeson kicking giant fighting robots in BATTLESHIP, and the new Judge Dredd adaptation DREDD. Oh, and was that The Rock and Bruce Willis showing up in G.I. JOE 2? You’re goddamn it was. I hated the first one, but you know what… this one looks a whole lot of fun.
Maybe it’s the booze talking, but there are a ton of cool looking flicks I’m looking forward to in 2012. From comic books (even THE AVENGERS looks cool), to horror and sci-fi, 3D and sequels, and even some other flicks I forgot to mention (THE HUNGER GAMES, ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER), DARK SHADOWS, PARANORMAN, THE POSSESSION, FRANKENWEENIE, and WORLD WAR Z. And how weird is it that this year doesn’t have a SAW or a PARANORMAL ACTIVITY flick on the calendar? Weird—but a weirdness that will probably be corrected by the end of the month. Either way, hopefully there’s enough cool shit coming out this year to keep me from drinking so goddamn much… or hopefully not. Nothing makes a fine film better than a Miller High Life. Happy New Year!