Platinum Dunes have made a name for themselves in the horror community as the “Remake Kings” – a name not given because they’re the king of producing top quality remakes, but one given because that’s literally all they do: the remake horror films. And not just crappy horror films, but the best of the best, taking it upon themselves to take classics such as FRIDAY THE 13TH, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, THE HITCHER, and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and remake them, in hopes to… what? Better them? No… in hopes to bank off the names and make a bunch of money off of them (it is show business, afterall). And while their films always look amazing, the end result is usually a fine-looking piece of rubbish, making them mostly hated the world over. And yet… they keep making movies and taking long-standing classics and putting them to shame in remake form. And what’s next on the chopping block? HALLOWEEN.
That’s right folks, the news broke last week that Platinum Dunes is currently in talks to take over as producers of the HALLOWEEN franchise from Dimension Films, the studio responsible for the Rob Zombie reboot and sequel. On the one hand, having Platinum Dunes take over the Michael Myers franchise makes sense—they’ve already taken control of Leatherface, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees, why not take over the original godfather of slasher cinema? Oh wait, that’s right… because they completely butchered FRIDAY THE 13TH and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, that’s why not. I’ll give them props for doing a solid job on THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, but let’s not forget TCM: THE BEGINNING, which (while “original”) was more or less a complete dud. And now they want to do the same thing to HALLOWEEN??? F*ck that!
What’s unsettling about the prospect of Platinum Dunes owning yet another movie maniac is that their track record proves that they’ll pretty much do a piss-poor job. And after said job is done, they’ll still own the rights and will likely sit on it until they feel like making another one, or until they feel like selling it off to the highest bidder. Which means after they totally botch HALLOWEEN, we can kiss any possible sequels away in the immediate future… or longer. Just like Freddy, just like Jason, just like Leatherface, unless… unless they actually do a rocking good job and the demand is there for another one, which I don’t see happening at all. It’ll look fantastic for sure, but it’ll be good only on that superficial surface level.
Then there’s the fact that the HALLOWEEN franchise has already been rebooted by Rob Zombie. And say what you will, the guy had a vision, he carried it through, he remade the first one, then did a completely original and totally kick-ass sequel with H2. Why try and reinvent the wheel here? Zombie rocked that shit, let him make another one! And if he doesn’t want to, find someone who wants to take that storyline further and bust out a HALLOWEEN 3. MY BLOODY VALENTINE duo Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer have had a script for HALLOWEEN 3D in the works for awhile but have had the damnedest time getting it greenlit… why? Those two can rock out a solid horror flick with the best of them (in 3D, no less), and I have to believe that they’d continue the story that was dropped at the end of H2… and not reboot the franchise completely. I mean, I’d love to see what those guys would do with Michael Myers, and if Platinum Dunes is involved, that pretty much will never happen (they like to use their own scripts and music video directors on their projects).
But the biggest argument I can muster up with this whole thing is… why reboot HALLOWEEN at all? Seriously, Zombie took a one-two punch at it and knocked it out of the park, and there were 7 or 8 movies before that which mostly blew except for a select handful. But isn’t time to give HALLOWEEN a rest? Just throw in the towel on Michael Myers completely, let him leave on the high note of H2, and say adios for the foreseeable future until a really awesome concept or a great script actually shows up that will do the franchise and the character of Myers some justice? If the Dunes takes over, they’re crank out a script and find a director as fast as humanly possible, and likely shoot for a release next Halloween season… but they’re not motivated in telling the story of Myers. They’re motivated by money, and for a franchise like HALLOWEEN (at this point, anyway), it has to be about the continuation of the story, or at least exploring new aspects of the characters that we haven’t seen before. Between John Carpenter and Rob Zombie’s versions, what else could they possibly do to tell a new story or shed extra light on Laurie and Michael’s f*cked up relationship?
Maybe it’s the booze talking, but the idea of Platinum Dunes taking over the HALLOWEEN series has me sick to my f*cking stomach. While they make beautiful movies, those movies also suck a ton of balls. No one is a fan of their work, and they should in no way be allowed to take over yet another classic franchise like HALLOWEEN only to absolutely murder it beyond recognition. Give Lussier and Farmer a chance with a HALLOWEEN 3D if there’s a demand for another entry in the series, or better yet… yet sleeping dogs lie and just stop making HALLOWEEN movies completely. Or at least wait long enough for people to forget about Zombie’s version, otherwise it’ll be as lame as the upcoming reboot of SPIDER-MAN. And when that time comes, please please please don’t let Platinum Dunes be at the wheel, cause if they are, it’ll be a train wreck just waiting to happen.