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IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN': Thank God For The B-Movies!

07.20.2010by: Jim Law


Thank God For The B-Movies!

So, I'm watching the trailer for SHARKTOPUS the other night and couldn't help but let my mind wander between scenes of epic awesomeness and foolish perfection. Is there any other genre that benefits more than horror from poorly produced, horribly acted films? The B-comedy is always a failure, the B-science fiction never finds an audience (unless you love MST3K), and the B-drama....... I can't even think of any B-dramas. The B-horror film will always have a place in the hearts of genre fans. Is it because we're easily pleased and/or dumber than your average film fan? No, it's because we're usually the ones making the films, and we know how to have a good time.

I would literally sit on the floor at my local video store and wait for copies of certain films to be returned. If I hadn't I never would have been blessed with multiple screenings of NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, FROM BEYOND, THE TOXIC AVENGER, COPPING MALL, and so on and so on. Let's be honest, these are the films that created the horror fan in me. Their failure to pull any punches when it came to gore, nudity, and genuine creepiness set a standard that hinders modern horror. The characters were memorable, the kills were iconic, and the women were topless. I hate to say it but if some of today's filmmakers in the genre followed those three simple rules we'd live in a better world.

The cult hits may be few and farther between nowadays but the tradition is still alive. Check the horror section at your local media outlet and you'll find twice as many direct-to-DVD titles than mainstream bullshit worth renting or buying. And while the quality of theatrically released horror is constantly getting worse, the B-movie is getting smarter, sharper, and a hell of a lot more fun. The line between A and B is getting blurrier by the second and if North America ever runs out of great foreign horror to remake there might not be any difference whatsoever. Is this a good thing? I don't know, I'm drunk.

It's no coincidence that the only future horror films on my radar are cleverly disguised B-movies. HATCHET 2 broke through because the original followed those silly rules up above. PIRANHA 3-D seems to be using the hype of B-films such as MEGA PIRANHA to fool people (me) into thinking it will be a bigger, better version. I truly believe Hollywood studios have lost the ability to make a horror film anymore, and when they do get it right (TRICK 'R TREAT), they have no clue how to handle it. Original theatrical horror is dead in North America. I have the ticket stubs to prove it. 

Maybe it's the booze talking but I fucking loved BASKET CASE. And PIECES. And RE-ANIMATOR. I love that they were ridiculous and sloppy. I love that my wife has never heard of a single one. Johnny Hollywood will catch on one day and start remaking the whole slew of them (actually, this already started with MY BLOODY VALENTINE) but what they don't realize is - by making them better, they're only making them worse.

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12:27PM on 07/21/2010
I grew up on B-horror movies too. The Evil Dead, Re-Animator etc. The problem was that Swedish censorship was at it's very worst in the late 80's, with a lot of discussions about what the blood and violence would do to the poor movie viewer, so the horror movies that DID get into the country, and were not banned altogether, were heavily cut. The salvation came in the form of movies ordered from England. They were not always completely uncut either, but they were MUCH less cut than the Swedish
I grew up on B-horror movies too. The Evil Dead, Re-Animator etc. The problem was that Swedish censorship was at it's very worst in the late 80's, with a lot of discussions about what the blood and violence would do to the poor movie viewer, so the horror movies that DID get into the country, and were not banned altogether, were heavily cut. The salvation came in the form of movies ordered from England. They were not always completely uncut either, but they were MUCH less cut than the Swedish version. Had we not had different TV systems, I would have ordered them from the USA instead. But I will always be grateful that British censorship was much friendlier than the Swedish.
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1:21AM on 07/21/2010

Gotta Love the Troma collection

Tromeo & Juliet, All of The Toxic Avenger movies, Class Of Nukem High, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, Killer Condom, Poultrygeist Night Of The Chicken Dead, Redneck Zombies, Surf Nazi's Must Die, Rabid Grannies, Teenage Catgirls In Heat, Maniac Nurses Find Ecstacy, Troma's War, etc.

In fact, just go to this link for the full list of Troma movies.
[link] ">
Tromeo & Juliet, All of The Toxic Avenger movies, Class Of Nukem High, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, Killer Condom, Poultrygeist Night Of The Chicken Dead, Redneck Zombies, Surf Nazi's Must Die, Rabid Grannies, Teenage Catgirls In Heat, Maniac Nurses Find Ecstacy, Troma's War, etc.

In fact, just go to this link for the full list of Troma movies.
[link]
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1:12AM on 07/21/2010

B-Dramas

Are what you would see on Lifetime television or The USA Network. Or just about any daytime soap opera.
Are what you would see on Lifetime television or The USA Network. Or just about any daytime soap opera.
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2:28PM on 07/20/2010
B-Movies are amazing and no one can tell me otherwise! I wouldn't have met the person I am with today if it wasn't for B-Movies and our love for them. Of course I enjoy Oscar worthy movies as well as the next person but its nice just to laugh and enjoy gore every once in awhile.
B-Movies are amazing and no one can tell me otherwise! I wouldn't have met the person I am with today if it wasn't for B-Movies and our love for them. Of course I enjoy Oscar worthy movies as well as the next person but its nice just to laugh and enjoy gore every once in awhile.
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2:09PM on 07/20/2010

What's that booze you were drinking ?

'Cause the booze is absolutely f*cking right ! I don't need to see Sean Penn play another versatile character every other film and I sure as sh*t don't wanna see a big fat slap of censorship on every film ! Sometimes all I want is gore,tits and stupidity for an awesome night. No matter how horribly acted and/or directed it is. Yes it can be shit, but at least it's fun shit !
'Cause the booze is absolutely f*cking right ! I don't need to see Sean Penn play another versatile character every other film and I sure as sh*t don't wanna see a big fat slap of censorship on every film ! Sometimes all I want is gore,tits and stupidity for an awesome night. No matter how horribly acted and/or directed it is. Yes it can be shit, but at least it's fun shit !
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+4
12:51PM on 07/20/2010
Yes! I get so much flack for having things like FRANKENFISH and BAD TASTE in my DVD collection, but dammit, I love 'em! I mean, sure, every once in a while I'll watch a critically acclaimed film with stirring performances and gorgeous cinematography, but most days, I just want to see some tits and gore! And for this, people give me shit.

To quote Brad Pitt, "Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill you." And then feed you to my MEGA SNAKE.
Yes! I get so much flack for having things like FRANKENFISH and BAD TASTE in my DVD collection, but dammit, I love 'em! I mean, sure, every once in a while I'll watch a critically acclaimed film with stirring performances and gorgeous cinematography, but most days, I just want to see some tits and gore! And for this, people give me shit.

To quote Brad Pitt, "Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill you." And then feed you to my MEGA SNAKE.
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1:16PM on 07/20/2010
You can never go wrong with exploding sheep!
You can never go wrong with exploding sheep!
+2
12:06PM on 07/20/2010

Amen...

...to your thoughts, Bro. I've seen a gazillion b-movies over the years and still love 'em!
...to your thoughts, Bro. I've seen a gazillion b-movies over the years and still love 'em!
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11:44AM on 07/20/2010
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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11:32AM on 07/20/2010

Great Booze Talkin'

I couldn't agree more about this. Especially the last bit about these movies being remade its making them worse; so true.
I couldn't agree more about this. Especially the last bit about these movies being remade its making them worse; so true.
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10:42AM on 07/20/2010
I prefer a good B-movie from time to time.
I prefer a good B-movie from time to time.
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